that William had already opened the message. Somewhere, down in London, he was reading my words right now. I felt slightly sick. Were my words OK? Was I selling myself well?
‘Argh!’ I told my bedroom. ‘This is not your correspondence to worry about! STOP IT.’
03.05
I liked being called a nice man! Although you don’t actually know it’s true. Yesterday, for instance, I finished a sixteen-hour shift, got on the number 30 bus and DID NOT give my seat up to the old man who got on at the next stop. I’m still tortured by it. He looked so disappointed. But I couldn’t, Shelley. I was so tired I could barely sit up straight. Sort of like now. But this rather beguiling bird off the Internet is keeping me awake. You sound very, very busy in your profile. Are you sure you have time to date? I hope so because I’d love to meet up with you some time. I wouldn’t stick cables up your nose.
William x
I grinned excitedly and started typing.
03.16
Of course I have time to date! I think it’s important to have lots of extra-curriculars – I spend so much time at work that I see it as a duty to myself to do other things too. I want to make sure I’m properly rounded. (Dating is an extra-curricular.)
S
03.29
I agree. When you spend most of your life in the bowels of a London hospital it’s important to make sure your brain extends beyond TMJs and craniofacial prostheses (or, I dunno, mergers
and global expansion in your case maybe?). I should try to be more like you, really. Get some extra-curriculars going. Anyway. You didn’t reply about meeting up. Was it because I told you about the man on the bus? (Or did I bring up dating too soon? I have no idea how to handle myself in a situation where I’m meant to be in charge. I feel safer when girls just ask me out. It’s simpler. Less opportunity to make a dick of myself.) This is the least macho email I’ve ever sent. Things are going wrong very quickly for me.
Wx
I hugged myself, unable to stop smiling. I loved un-macho William and his craniofacial prostheses! I loved that he’d asked me out twice in less than two hours!
‘No,’ I told myself, less sternly than last time.
03:42
That’s OK. I don’t like macho men. They’re a bit distasteful. And on the subject of distasteful: good God William the ENT surgeon! The poor little old man on the bus? Appalling! Um, I didn’t respond to the bit about meeting up because we have known each other for two hours. Can’t we carry on this emailing at least a couple more days? I’m rather enjoying it. From Shelley, who is definitely going to bed now
Going to bed, my arse. I’d never been more awake.
04.02
No! Stay awake Shelley. This is much more fun! There is more to me beyond the bad person who wouldn’t give up their seat on the bus.
Although, actually, I sometimes wonder if I really am a bit of a shit. No obvious reasons, just a general feeling of Could Do Better. Do you get that?
I’m really pleased you’re not too busy to go on a date. Judging by your last reply you’re someone who will expect to be taken white-water rafting and hang-gliding, followed by high tea at a 1920s literary salon and a night at the Greenwich observatory learning complex astronomical rules.
I might just shake things up by suggesting we meet up and sit at a table with wine.
Don’t even think of going to sleep. I like you. X
As if. I was sitting upright in bed, refreshing Shelley’s inbox every twenty seconds.
04.23
Do I think I’m a bad person? No, actually, I don’t. I donate money to charity and one of my weekly extra-curriculars involves charity work. Abandoned dogs and cats, specifically. Oh and I would always give up my seat to a little old man. Ha. I suppose I could go on a sedentary date although I have my limits. The Action and Learning date you’ve outlined sounds far more appealing, Doctor William.
S
Damn Shelley and her instructions, I thought, fighting the urge to type a load of kisses after my casual
‘Argh!’ I told my bedroom. ‘This is not your correspondence to worry about! STOP IT.’
03.05
I liked being called a nice man! Although you don’t actually know it’s true. Yesterday, for instance, I finished a sixteen-hour shift, got on the number 30 bus and DID NOT give my seat up to the old man who got on at the next stop. I’m still tortured by it. He looked so disappointed. But I couldn’t, Shelley. I was so tired I could barely sit up straight. Sort of like now. But this rather beguiling bird off the Internet is keeping me awake. You sound very, very busy in your profile. Are you sure you have time to date? I hope so because I’d love to meet up with you some time. I wouldn’t stick cables up your nose.
William x
I grinned excitedly and started typing.
03.16
Of course I have time to date! I think it’s important to have lots of extra-curriculars – I spend so much time at work that I see it as a duty to myself to do other things too. I want to make sure I’m properly rounded. (Dating is an extra-curricular.)
S
03.29
I agree. When you spend most of your life in the bowels of a London hospital it’s important to make sure your brain extends beyond TMJs and craniofacial prostheses (or, I dunno, mergers
and global expansion in your case maybe?). I should try to be more like you, really. Get some extra-curriculars going. Anyway. You didn’t reply about meeting up. Was it because I told you about the man on the bus? (Or did I bring up dating too soon? I have no idea how to handle myself in a situation where I’m meant to be in charge. I feel safer when girls just ask me out. It’s simpler. Less opportunity to make a dick of myself.) This is the least macho email I’ve ever sent. Things are going wrong very quickly for me.
Wx
I hugged myself, unable to stop smiling. I loved un-macho William and his craniofacial prostheses! I loved that he’d asked me out twice in less than two hours!
‘No,’ I told myself, less sternly than last time.
03:42
That’s OK. I don’t like macho men. They’re a bit distasteful. And on the subject of distasteful: good God William the ENT surgeon! The poor little old man on the bus? Appalling! Um, I didn’t respond to the bit about meeting up because we have known each other for two hours. Can’t we carry on this emailing at least a couple more days? I’m rather enjoying it. From Shelley, who is definitely going to bed now
Going to bed, my arse. I’d never been more awake.
04.02
No! Stay awake Shelley. This is much more fun! There is more to me beyond the bad person who wouldn’t give up their seat on the bus.
Although, actually, I sometimes wonder if I really am a bit of a shit. No obvious reasons, just a general feeling of Could Do Better. Do you get that?
I’m really pleased you’re not too busy to go on a date. Judging by your last reply you’re someone who will expect to be taken white-water rafting and hang-gliding, followed by high tea at a 1920s literary salon and a night at the Greenwich observatory learning complex astronomical rules.
I might just shake things up by suggesting we meet up and sit at a table with wine.
Don’t even think of going to sleep. I like you. X
As if. I was sitting upright in bed, refreshing Shelley’s inbox every twenty seconds.
04.23
Do I think I’m a bad person? No, actually, I don’t. I donate money to charity and one of my weekly extra-curriculars involves charity work. Abandoned dogs and cats, specifically. Oh and I would always give up my seat to a little old man. Ha. I suppose I could go on a sedentary date although I have my limits. The Action and Learning date you’ve outlined sounds far more appealing, Doctor William.
S
Damn Shelley and her instructions, I thought, fighting the urge to type a load of kisses after my casual
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