A Passionate Love Affair with a Total Stranger by Lucy Robinson Page B
Authors: Lucy Robinson
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don’t quite understand why I’m only noticing that now?!
Honestly, William, I’m so cruel to myself. I’d like to be kinder if I knew how.
I think that deffo applies to relationships, too. I think I’d find them a lot easier if I could learn to just accept myself as I am – normal, imperfect. I wish I didn’t spend all my time pretending to be better.
05.13
William, I’m sorry, it’s late, I don’t know what came over me. Please ignore that last message. It makes me sound like a loon
and a lonely psychopath who’s just completed a course in amateur psychology.
05.17
Rubbish. It makes you sound like a real human being. The sort of human being I would really like to meet. I understand what you’re saying because in many ways, although for opposite reasons, I’m in the same situation. You’d love to take it easy: I’d love to get out there and make more of myself. You’d love to work less: I’d love to work more. I’d love career success. But I’m scared of failing.
I think you sound brilliant, Shelley the executive management consultant. Are you meant to have this sort of conversation after only four hours? Are you meant to like complete strangers? To the bollocks with it. That’s how I feel. I do like you, and I’d love to meet up with you some time. Are you free this week?
05.24
What do you mean you want career success? You’re an ENT surgeon!
05.41
Yes, I am. I forgot. Ignore me. I’m at the top of the game, baby. You should be begging for a date with me. I could stick my arm up your nose and all. Now, when are we going to meet? X
‘Are you out of your fucking
mind?
’ Hailey asked, staring in dismay at my laptop.
I looked helplessly at her. ‘Oh, God, Hailey, do you think it’s that bad?’
Hailey burst out laughing. ‘Er, yes? Fucking hell, Chas,
you’ve just bared someone else’s soul on their behalf! Without knowing the first cocking
thing
about them! What’s Shelley going to say when she reads this?’
I shrugged.
Hailey’s eyes narrowed. ‘You’re not planning to show her these messages, are you?’
I shut my eyes. ‘Probably not.’
Hailey went silent. Then she cleared her throat and said, ‘Charlotte Lambert, I think you’re planning to throw Shelley off the trail and pursue William yourself.’
I opened my eyes. ‘Maybe. Oh, God, Hailey this is awful. I don’t know how to stop it.’
‘I can tell you exactly how to stop it. You organize a date for them RIGHT NOW and then you give her the password for her OWN BLOODY DATING PROFILE so she can read these messages, just like it promises on your website. And then you back off and never make contact with either of them again.’ She folded her arms across her hefty rack.
Horribly ashamed, I said nothing.
Hailey had come round after work to take me out for a fish supper: ‘I want to get some solid junk food down you,’ she said, loading me into The Tank and wheeling me up Broughton Street to the chip shop. My inability to sustain a conversation – so preoccupied was I with William – had not gone unnoticed. After a short bout of cross-questioning, I gave in and handed her my laptop, which I’d brought just in case the fish-and-chip shop had Wi-Fi. And William emailed.
Man, I’d lost it.
It hadn’t helped that Hailey had immediately spied a
Word document that I’d minimized, containing details of twelve ENT surgeons called William, which I had compiled using the GMC database. And a doodle relating to how I could somehow poison Shelley Cartwright.
‘CHAS.’
‘Sorry. I know. I have to let them go on a date.’
‘Damn bloody right you do, you psychopath! What’s
happened
to you? Don’t you turn into one of those stupid women who ruins her career over some juvenile obsession with a man,’ she commanded. Turkish techno music boomed out of the speakers behind us and Hailey, demolishing a battered sausage under the strange glow of the chippy’s pink neon lights, looked even more scary than usual. In
Honestly, William, I’m so cruel to myself. I’d like to be kinder if I knew how.
I think that deffo applies to relationships, too. I think I’d find them a lot easier if I could learn to just accept myself as I am – normal, imperfect. I wish I didn’t spend all my time pretending to be better.
05.13
William, I’m sorry, it’s late, I don’t know what came over me. Please ignore that last message. It makes me sound like a loon
and a lonely psychopath who’s just completed a course in amateur psychology.
05.17
Rubbish. It makes you sound like a real human being. The sort of human being I would really like to meet. I understand what you’re saying because in many ways, although for opposite reasons, I’m in the same situation. You’d love to take it easy: I’d love to get out there and make more of myself. You’d love to work less: I’d love to work more. I’d love career success. But I’m scared of failing.
I think you sound brilliant, Shelley the executive management consultant. Are you meant to have this sort of conversation after only four hours? Are you meant to like complete strangers? To the bollocks with it. That’s how I feel. I do like you, and I’d love to meet up with you some time. Are you free this week?
05.24
What do you mean you want career success? You’re an ENT surgeon!
05.41
Yes, I am. I forgot. Ignore me. I’m at the top of the game, baby. You should be begging for a date with me. I could stick my arm up your nose and all. Now, when are we going to meet? X
‘Are you out of your fucking
mind?
’ Hailey asked, staring in dismay at my laptop.
I looked helplessly at her. ‘Oh, God, Hailey, do you think it’s that bad?’
Hailey burst out laughing. ‘Er, yes? Fucking hell, Chas,
you’ve just bared someone else’s soul on their behalf! Without knowing the first cocking
thing
about them! What’s Shelley going to say when she reads this?’
I shrugged.
Hailey’s eyes narrowed. ‘You’re not planning to show her these messages, are you?’
I shut my eyes. ‘Probably not.’
Hailey went silent. Then she cleared her throat and said, ‘Charlotte Lambert, I think you’re planning to throw Shelley off the trail and pursue William yourself.’
I opened my eyes. ‘Maybe. Oh, God, Hailey this is awful. I don’t know how to stop it.’
‘I can tell you exactly how to stop it. You organize a date for them RIGHT NOW and then you give her the password for her OWN BLOODY DATING PROFILE so she can read these messages, just like it promises on your website. And then you back off and never make contact with either of them again.’ She folded her arms across her hefty rack.
Horribly ashamed, I said nothing.
Hailey had come round after work to take me out for a fish supper: ‘I want to get some solid junk food down you,’ she said, loading me into The Tank and wheeling me up Broughton Street to the chip shop. My inability to sustain a conversation – so preoccupied was I with William – had not gone unnoticed. After a short bout of cross-questioning, I gave in and handed her my laptop, which I’d brought just in case the fish-and-chip shop had Wi-Fi. And William emailed.
Man, I’d lost it.
It hadn’t helped that Hailey had immediately spied a
Word document that I’d minimized, containing details of twelve ENT surgeons called William, which I had compiled using the GMC database. And a doodle relating to how I could somehow poison Shelley Cartwright.
‘CHAS.’
‘Sorry. I know. I have to let them go on a date.’
‘Damn bloody right you do, you psychopath! What’s
happened
to you? Don’t you turn into one of those stupid women who ruins her career over some juvenile obsession with a man,’ she commanded. Turkish techno music boomed out of the speakers behind us and Hailey, demolishing a battered sausage under the strange glow of the chippy’s pink neon lights, looked even more scary than usual. In
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