straight before you dropped us in it.’ Phil huffed accusingly. James turned his back to her, shutting her out. I could feel myself getting more flustered at the thought of Anna just turning up. ‘We need to sort ourselves out, Ame,’ he warned, ‘or we’re gonna be stuffed.’
I didn’t mean to, but the sensation was suddenly there, choking me.
‘Amy, please. Don’t get upset,’ James said, closing in on me.
‘That’s
your
sodding fault,’ Phil snapped at him. I turned away from them, mortified that this might happen here.
Don’t you dare
, I warned myself, grappling to keep my cool.
‘I’m fine, James. Please,’ I snipped, pinching the tension over my nose. ‘I just need to get back to work.’ Because work was going to be just bloody marvellous from Monday onwards.
Keeping my back to the office, to James and Sadie and the rest of them, I stood there like the complete loser I felt, considering all the ways in which my life had so abruptly become this big, ugly catalogue of disasters. I’d thought that I could just press on, one awkwardness at a time, until all the pieces fit again, but I couldn’t even make a day without something falling apart in my hands.
If I’d been under any illusion that I could somehowdupe the rest of the world around me – my boss, my mother, the social worker – into thinking that everything was just hunky dory, it all evaporated into thin air when I saw Rohan Bywater watching me through the boardroom blinds.
CHAPTER 9
‘T HIS IS SUCH a bad idea,’ I groaned, hiding behind my sunglasses as Phil cruised down the lane towards Briddleton Mill.
‘Be cool, Ame. This has got to be better than sharing the office with Glitter Knickers and The Snake.’
‘Don’t call him that, Phil. He’s trying.’ I should’ve just let it go. Of all the names she’d bestowed upon James over the last fortnight, The Snake sounded like a term of endearment.
Phil went to say something then changed her mind. She tried again. ‘How are you feeling about playing happy families next week?’ she asked. ‘I thought you said these social workers could sniff out a nervous smoker if the wind’s in the right direction?’
‘They can,’ I said, watching the hedgerows zip past us. ‘We’ll just have to get through it without her picking up on any tension.’ Maybe taking up smoking would help.
Phil eyed our surroundings. ‘You do know, Ame, you’re like the worst liar I’ve ever met, right? You start messing with your earrings, then your neck gets redder—’
‘Thanks, Phil! I won’t be on my own. I’ll let James do the talking.’ Luckily for us, James wasn’t too bad at lying, by all accounts.
‘More’s the pity,’ she muttered, looking out of her window. I could hear the cogs in Phil’s head turning over. ‘You know, there are worse things than being on your own, Ame. You shouldn’t be scared of it. Once you’ve tasted the heady flavours of freedom again, you’ll like them. I know you will.’
‘I never said that I was leaving him, Phil.’
‘No, you didn’t. But you will. He’s not right for you, Ame. Honestly, I’m not sure that he ever was.’
I wasn’t getting into this. The longest relationship Phil had ever had was with her favourite shade of lipstick. I didn’t respond, but Phil carried on undeterred.
‘First, you’ll fall apart. That’s a given,’ she said, tilting her head to me. ‘Then you’ll think that the world is over because you’re like your mum, and you can’t realise all the plans you made with James in mind. Then you’ll come round to the idea that, actually, you used to be pretty kick-ass –
no offence
– the kind of girl who doesn’t need to pin all her dreams on another human being, because you’re more than capable of going out there and grabbing them by the balls yourself.’
I looked at her, incredulous that she could be so hard-faced.
‘What?’ she whimpered.
I loved her bones, every last acerbic, un-pc one of
I didn’t mean to, but the sensation was suddenly there, choking me.
‘Amy, please. Don’t get upset,’ James said, closing in on me.
‘That’s
your
sodding fault,’ Phil snapped at him. I turned away from them, mortified that this might happen here.
Don’t you dare
, I warned myself, grappling to keep my cool.
‘I’m fine, James. Please,’ I snipped, pinching the tension over my nose. ‘I just need to get back to work.’ Because work was going to be just bloody marvellous from Monday onwards.
Keeping my back to the office, to James and Sadie and the rest of them, I stood there like the complete loser I felt, considering all the ways in which my life had so abruptly become this big, ugly catalogue of disasters. I’d thought that I could just press on, one awkwardness at a time, until all the pieces fit again, but I couldn’t even make a day without something falling apart in my hands.
If I’d been under any illusion that I could somehowdupe the rest of the world around me – my boss, my mother, the social worker – into thinking that everything was just hunky dory, it all evaporated into thin air when I saw Rohan Bywater watching me through the boardroom blinds.
CHAPTER 9
‘T HIS IS SUCH a bad idea,’ I groaned, hiding behind my sunglasses as Phil cruised down the lane towards Briddleton Mill.
‘Be cool, Ame. This has got to be better than sharing the office with Glitter Knickers and The Snake.’
‘Don’t call him that, Phil. He’s trying.’ I should’ve just let it go. Of all the names she’d bestowed upon James over the last fortnight, The Snake sounded like a term of endearment.
Phil went to say something then changed her mind. She tried again. ‘How are you feeling about playing happy families next week?’ she asked. ‘I thought you said these social workers could sniff out a nervous smoker if the wind’s in the right direction?’
‘They can,’ I said, watching the hedgerows zip past us. ‘We’ll just have to get through it without her picking up on any tension.’ Maybe taking up smoking would help.
Phil eyed our surroundings. ‘You do know, Ame, you’re like the worst liar I’ve ever met, right? You start messing with your earrings, then your neck gets redder—’
‘Thanks, Phil! I won’t be on my own. I’ll let James do the talking.’ Luckily for us, James wasn’t too bad at lying, by all accounts.
‘More’s the pity,’ she muttered, looking out of her window. I could hear the cogs in Phil’s head turning over. ‘You know, there are worse things than being on your own, Ame. You shouldn’t be scared of it. Once you’ve tasted the heady flavours of freedom again, you’ll like them. I know you will.’
‘I never said that I was leaving him, Phil.’
‘No, you didn’t. But you will. He’s not right for you, Ame. Honestly, I’m not sure that he ever was.’
I wasn’t getting into this. The longest relationship Phil had ever had was with her favourite shade of lipstick. I didn’t respond, but Phil carried on undeterred.
‘First, you’ll fall apart. That’s a given,’ she said, tilting her head to me. ‘Then you’ll think that the world is over because you’re like your mum, and you can’t realise all the plans you made with James in mind. Then you’ll come round to the idea that, actually, you used to be pretty kick-ass –
no offence
– the kind of girl who doesn’t need to pin all her dreams on another human being, because you’re more than capable of going out there and grabbing them by the balls yourself.’
I looked at her, incredulous that she could be so hard-faced.
‘What?’ she whimpered.
I loved her bones, every last acerbic, un-pc one of
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