Jak Barley-Private Inquisitor and the Case of the Seven Dwarves by Dan Ehl
Book: Jak Barley-Private Inquisitor and the Case of the Seven Dwarves by Dan Ehl
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Authors: Dan Ehl
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nails like rotting clam shells and hair that sprouts from your hide as maggots erupting from corrupting flesh. Your mothers in their blind hound-like heat fornicated with the most simple-minded of mates, so they begat even dimmer-witted goblins."
Lorenzo straightened just a bit and took another deep breath before looking at the goblins as if he were a schoolboy expecting praise for his recital.
A dark mood oozed from the trio of Blackwatch Goblins and seemed to curl about me as a poisonous vapor. I gripped my hilt tighter just to keep my hand from shaking. The looks the goblins had turned upon us were not favorable. For a moment I had a desire to smack Lorenzo along side the head.
The front goblin, who had seemed the leader of the three, lowered his sword as he stepped past me to face my comrade. He too took a deep breath as his brow curled like a thunderbolt and a storm seemed to cross his weathered face. The silence that followed was like a polar wind that had not only froze the five figures stilled beneath the one lone torch, but time itself. I found myself holding my breath and let it out as quietly as possible.
The lead goblin finally stirred and drew his arm back. Lorenzo stood as if unaware of the troubled waters he had undammed. I watched as the goblin's open hand swung around to strike Lorenzo on the shoulder and the goblin bellowed, "Hah-hah, you be the great jester."
The remaining two goblins shoved me aside to also clap Lorenzo's shoulder as they roared their mirth. Though they must have been smiling in some weird goblin way, it still looked to me as jackals about to snap at an encroacher attempting to steal a rotting carcass out from under their noses.
Lorenzo had suddenly gained an amazing goblin fluency and was joking with the three scofflaws as if they were long-lost cohorts. One was saying how they must have shared the same wet nurse. The desire to smack my friend grew three-fold, but keeping control of my trembling legs was the first priority.
"I be Quig," the foremost goblin introduced himself to Lorenzo, completely ignoring me. And he again asked, this time as politely as any goblin is capable of asking, "Why you here?"
"We seek vengeance upon the Reverian Assassins," he answered.
So much for tact, I thought. It was all or nothing. Either the goblins were enemies of the Reverian Assassins or allies. I would have favored a more circumspect route to the answer, but I had reached the point where I was no longer nervously gripping the hilt of my sword every time it appeared Lorenzo was going to get us killed.
Quig paused as if considering Lorenzo's answer. "Us too." He glanced at me and asked, "You be the ferret?"
"That is private inquisitor..."
All three goblins broke out into a guttural laughter and Quig slapped one of his cohorts solidly on the back and roared, "See, I told you I get the ferret to admit who he be."
Curses, I thought in embarrassment, outwitted by a bunch of deranged goblins who barely had the intelligence of clams with dementia. And to make it all the more lamentable, I could not even think of a scathing retort. It made me realize just how exhausted these last days had left me.
Lorenzo half closed his eyes and observed the three goblins as he might the sudden appearance of singing toads dressed in bright yellow silk tutus. "So, you know of the ferret?" he spoke slowly, but in a perfect goblin accent.
"That is private inquisitor," I grumbled half under my breath.
"The Captain will want talk to likes of you two," the goblin replied while ignoring Lorenzo's question.
It took me by surprise, and even more the three goblins. Lorenzo's left foot lashed out and caught the lead goblin in the kneecap. He howled and dropped his sword. The other two Blackwatch Goblins, startled wide-eyed and opened-mouth by the unexpected violence, were also caught off guard as Lorenzo leaned in and slammed their heads together. Their tightly fitting helmets made of oak roots and lacquered hide
Lorenzo straightened just a bit and took another deep breath before looking at the goblins as if he were a schoolboy expecting praise for his recital.
A dark mood oozed from the trio of Blackwatch Goblins and seemed to curl about me as a poisonous vapor. I gripped my hilt tighter just to keep my hand from shaking. The looks the goblins had turned upon us were not favorable. For a moment I had a desire to smack Lorenzo along side the head.
The front goblin, who had seemed the leader of the three, lowered his sword as he stepped past me to face my comrade. He too took a deep breath as his brow curled like a thunderbolt and a storm seemed to cross his weathered face. The silence that followed was like a polar wind that had not only froze the five figures stilled beneath the one lone torch, but time itself. I found myself holding my breath and let it out as quietly as possible.
The lead goblin finally stirred and drew his arm back. Lorenzo stood as if unaware of the troubled waters he had undammed. I watched as the goblin's open hand swung around to strike Lorenzo on the shoulder and the goblin bellowed, "Hah-hah, you be the great jester."
The remaining two goblins shoved me aside to also clap Lorenzo's shoulder as they roared their mirth. Though they must have been smiling in some weird goblin way, it still looked to me as jackals about to snap at an encroacher attempting to steal a rotting carcass out from under their noses.
Lorenzo had suddenly gained an amazing goblin fluency and was joking with the three scofflaws as if they were long-lost cohorts. One was saying how they must have shared the same wet nurse. The desire to smack my friend grew three-fold, but keeping control of my trembling legs was the first priority.
"I be Quig," the foremost goblin introduced himself to Lorenzo, completely ignoring me. And he again asked, this time as politely as any goblin is capable of asking, "Why you here?"
"We seek vengeance upon the Reverian Assassins," he answered.
So much for tact, I thought. It was all or nothing. Either the goblins were enemies of the Reverian Assassins or allies. I would have favored a more circumspect route to the answer, but I had reached the point where I was no longer nervously gripping the hilt of my sword every time it appeared Lorenzo was going to get us killed.
Quig paused as if considering Lorenzo's answer. "Us too." He glanced at me and asked, "You be the ferret?"
"That is private inquisitor..."
All three goblins broke out into a guttural laughter and Quig slapped one of his cohorts solidly on the back and roared, "See, I told you I get the ferret to admit who he be."
Curses, I thought in embarrassment, outwitted by a bunch of deranged goblins who barely had the intelligence of clams with dementia. And to make it all the more lamentable, I could not even think of a scathing retort. It made me realize just how exhausted these last days had left me.
Lorenzo half closed his eyes and observed the three goblins as he might the sudden appearance of singing toads dressed in bright yellow silk tutus. "So, you know of the ferret?" he spoke slowly, but in a perfect goblin accent.
"That is private inquisitor," I grumbled half under my breath.
"The Captain will want talk to likes of you two," the goblin replied while ignoring Lorenzo's question.
It took me by surprise, and even more the three goblins. Lorenzo's left foot lashed out and caught the lead goblin in the kneecap. He howled and dropped his sword. The other two Blackwatch Goblins, startled wide-eyed and opened-mouth by the unexpected violence, were also caught off guard as Lorenzo leaned in and slammed their heads together. Their tightly fitting helmets made of oak roots and lacquered hide
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