A Mother's Secret by Amy Clipston

adjusted to the dark, and she spotted his silhouette seated on the swing. “What are you doing out here?”
    “Waiting for you.” He tapped the seat beside him. “Sit with me for a minute.”
    Carolyn sank onto the swing and it gently moved back and forth. Her mind flittered through her favorite memories of Benjamin’s childhood. “Do you remember when we used to sit out here and watch thunderstorms when you were little?”
    “ Ya . Of course I do.” He laughed a little. “ Daadi would get so worried and tell us to come in before we got hit by lightning.”
    Carolyn chuckled as she hugged her cloak to her body. “I remember sitting on the porch and watching storms with mei daadi before he passed away. You would’ve loved him. He was so funny.” She stared toward the main house. “He would’ve loved you too.”
    “What did Onkel Amos say to you?” Benjamin’s tone wascautious as if he were afraid of getting into trouble for asking about adult things.
    Carolyn turned toward her son and internally debated telling him the truth.
    “It was about me, right?” His voice became unsure.
    “No.” Carolyn shook her head. “Well, in a way.”
    “What did I do now?” He sounded exhausted, as if this subject wore him out.
    “No, no, Ben. You haven’t done anything wrong.” Carolyn fingered the seam on her cloak while choosing her words. “ Onkel Amos wants me to get married. He thinks it would be gut for you to have a dat .”
    “But I have Daadi .” He shrugged. “In my mind, he is my father. He’s the only father I’ve ever known, and that’s fine with me.”
    “I know that, and I’m thankful my parents have been here to help me. They’ve always been gut to you and me.” She paused, hoping to choose words that wouldn’t hurt Benjamin’s feelings. She didn’t want him to feel as if he were a burden to her or her family.
    “Wait a minute. Saul is a widower. Emma said her mamm died six years ago.” Benjamin sat up straight as if an idea flashed through his mind like lightning. “Is that why Onkel Amos invited Saul over tonight? Is he trying to find someone to marry you and be my stepfather?”
    Carolyn couldn’t lie to her son. “ Ya .” She whispered the word.
    “And he thinks Saul would be a gut husband for you and father for me?” he asked.
    “ Ya , that’s right.”
    “Do you like Saul?”
    “I don’t even know him.” Carolyn shook her head. “I don’t know how I can make that decision without getting to know him.”
    “Are you going to date him?”
    Carolyn nodded. “I told Amos I would give Saul a chance and try to get to know him.”
    “Is that what you want to do?”
    Carolyn sighed and stared back toward her brother’s house. “I don’t know what I want to do.” She turned toward Benjamin. “Do you want me to get married?”
    Benjamin shrugged. “I want you to do whatever makes you froh .”
    “Does that mean you’re satisfied with your life?”
    “Why wouldn’t I be? I have everything I could ever need, and I know you love me. That’s all anyone ever needs, right?”
    “ Ya , that’s true, but you never had a regular family like everyone else.”
    “That doesn’t matter to me, Mamm .” Benjamin rested his ankle on his knee.
    “You don’t think living here is hard? You’ve never had an easy time with the way your uncle and cousins treat you.”
    “I’m used to it.” He was silent for a minute. “Do you ever feel like you missed out on having a normal life because of me?”
    “What do you mean?” Carolyn studied her son and wondered where his thoughts were going.
    “You could never go to singings.”
    “It’s okay. I wanted to be with you.”
    “Did you ever date after I was born?”
    Carolyn shook her head.
    “So I ruined your life.” His voice was small and unsure again.
    “No, no! Don’t you ever say that. You’re the biggest blessing in my life, Benjamin. God gave you to me for a reason. You’re my angel.” She touched his arm. “I