kitten.
It had been sublimely unconscious of his ugliness. ‘My name’s Anne.’ ‘You aren’t ugly.’ She never knew, he thought, that he had meant to kill her; she had been as innocent of his intention as a cat he had once been forced to drown; and he remembered with astonishment that she had not betrayed him, although he had told her that the police were after him. It was even possible that she had believed him.
These thoughts were colder and more uncomfortable than the hail. He wasn’t used to any taste that wasn’t bitter on the tongue. He had been made by hatred; it had constructed him into this thin smoky murderous figure in the rain, hunted and ugly. His mother had borne him when his father was in gaol, and six years later when his father was hanged for another crime, she had cut her own throat with a kitchen knife; afterwards there had been the home. He had never felt the least tenderness for anyone; he was made in this image and he had his own odd pride in the result; he didn’t want to be unmade. He had a sudden terrified conviction that he must be himself now as never before if he was to escape. It was not tenderness that made you quick on the draw.
Somebody in one of the larger houses on the river-front had left his garage gate ajar; it was obviously not used for a car, but only to house a pram, a child’s playground and a few dusty dolls and bricks. Raven took shelter there; he was cold through and through except in the one spot that had lain frozen all his life. That dagger of ice was melting with great pain. He pushed the garage gate a little further open; he had no wish to appear furtively hiding if anyone passed along the river beat; anyone might be excused for sheltering in a stranger’s garage from
this
storm, except, of course, a man wanted by the police with a hare-lip.
These houses were only semi-detached. They were joined by their garages. Raven was closely hemmed in by the redbrick walls. He could hear the wireless playing in both houses. In the one house it switched and changed as a restless finger turned the screw and beat up the wavelengths, bringing a snatch of rhetoric from Berlin, of opera from Stockholm. On the National Programme from the other house an elderly critic was reading verse. Raven couldn’t help but hear, standing in the cold garage by the baby’s pram, staring out at the black hail:
‘A shadow flits before me,
Not thou, but like to thee;
Ah Christ, that it were possible
For one short hour to see
The souls we loved, that they might tell us
What and where they be.’
He dug his nails into his hands, remembering his father who had been hanged and his mother who had killed herself in the basement kitchen, all the long parade of those who had done him down. The elderly cultured Civil Service voice read on:
‘And I loathe the squares and streets,
and the faces that one meets,
Hearts with no love for me …’
He thought: give her time and she too will go to the police. That’s what always happens in the end with a skirt,
– ‘My whole soul out to thee’ –
trying to freeze again, as hard and safe as ever, the icy fragment.
‘That was Mr Druce Winton, reading a selection from
Maud
by Lord Tennyson. This ends the National Programme. Good night, everybody.’
Chapter 3
1
MATHER’S TRAIN GOT in at eleven that night and with Saunders he drove straight through the almost empty streets to the police station. Nottwich went to bed early; the cinemas closed at ten-thirty and a quarter of an hour later everyone had left the middle of Nottwich by tram or bus. Nottwich’s only tart hung round the market place, cold and blue under her umbrella, and one or two business men were having a last cigar in the hall of the Metropole. The car slid on the icy road. Just before the police station Mather noticed the posters of
Aladdin
outside the Royal Theatre. He said to Saunders, ‘My girl’s in that show.’ He felt proud and happy.
The Chief Constable had come down
It had been sublimely unconscious of his ugliness. ‘My name’s Anne.’ ‘You aren’t ugly.’ She never knew, he thought, that he had meant to kill her; she had been as innocent of his intention as a cat he had once been forced to drown; and he remembered with astonishment that she had not betrayed him, although he had told her that the police were after him. It was even possible that she had believed him.
These thoughts were colder and more uncomfortable than the hail. He wasn’t used to any taste that wasn’t bitter on the tongue. He had been made by hatred; it had constructed him into this thin smoky murderous figure in the rain, hunted and ugly. His mother had borne him when his father was in gaol, and six years later when his father was hanged for another crime, she had cut her own throat with a kitchen knife; afterwards there had been the home. He had never felt the least tenderness for anyone; he was made in this image and he had his own odd pride in the result; he didn’t want to be unmade. He had a sudden terrified conviction that he must be himself now as never before if he was to escape. It was not tenderness that made you quick on the draw.
Somebody in one of the larger houses on the river-front had left his garage gate ajar; it was obviously not used for a car, but only to house a pram, a child’s playground and a few dusty dolls and bricks. Raven took shelter there; he was cold through and through except in the one spot that had lain frozen all his life. That dagger of ice was melting with great pain. He pushed the garage gate a little further open; he had no wish to appear furtively hiding if anyone passed along the river beat; anyone might be excused for sheltering in a stranger’s garage from
this
storm, except, of course, a man wanted by the police with a hare-lip.
These houses were only semi-detached. They were joined by their garages. Raven was closely hemmed in by the redbrick walls. He could hear the wireless playing in both houses. In the one house it switched and changed as a restless finger turned the screw and beat up the wavelengths, bringing a snatch of rhetoric from Berlin, of opera from Stockholm. On the National Programme from the other house an elderly critic was reading verse. Raven couldn’t help but hear, standing in the cold garage by the baby’s pram, staring out at the black hail:
‘A shadow flits before me,
Not thou, but like to thee;
Ah Christ, that it were possible
For one short hour to see
The souls we loved, that they might tell us
What and where they be.’
He dug his nails into his hands, remembering his father who had been hanged and his mother who had killed herself in the basement kitchen, all the long parade of those who had done him down. The elderly cultured Civil Service voice read on:
‘And I loathe the squares and streets,
and the faces that one meets,
Hearts with no love for me …’
He thought: give her time and she too will go to the police. That’s what always happens in the end with a skirt,
– ‘My whole soul out to thee’ –
trying to freeze again, as hard and safe as ever, the icy fragment.
‘That was Mr Druce Winton, reading a selection from
Maud
by Lord Tennyson. This ends the National Programme. Good night, everybody.’
Chapter 3
1
MATHER’S TRAIN GOT in at eleven that night and with Saunders he drove straight through the almost empty streets to the police station. Nottwich went to bed early; the cinemas closed at ten-thirty and a quarter of an hour later everyone had left the middle of Nottwich by tram or bus. Nottwich’s only tart hung round the market place, cold and blue under her umbrella, and one or two business men were having a last cigar in the hall of the Metropole. The car slid on the icy road. Just before the police station Mather noticed the posters of
Aladdin
outside the Royal Theatre. He said to Saunders, ‘My girl’s in that show.’ He felt proud and happy.
The Chief Constable had come down
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