tears. What a mess.
He left it for two hours before he called
the hospital. Leo was now settled in and expecting him, he was told. That took
the decision out of Julian’s hands. Even if Leo only wanted to tell him to get
out of his and Zachary’s life, Julian had to let him do that in person.
He took a taxi up to the hospital, feeling
that he shouldn’t use the car when it was just him,
and when maybe he didn’t have the right to use it all any more. He asked for
directions to the cardiac wing, and found Leo dozing in a small ward with two
other patients. As he approached, Leo opened his eyes and smiled, a little
crookedly.
“Julian,” he said, and Julian was relieved
beyond measure that the earlier garbled speech had disappeared. Leo’s voice
still sounded a little slurred, but it was much better than Julian had dared
hope. He looked normal, weary, maybe a touch pale. Frail,
certainly. But not dying.
Leo reached out a hand and Julian took it.
It shook a little, and there was less strength in Leo’s grip, but he could
still move his hand. He wasn’t paralysed.
“I was so worried,” Julian
said, his voice choking.
“Me too. Frightening.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Tired. Worried about you. You look
dreadful.”
“I feel…God, Leo, I thought you were going
to…” He bowed his head, and bit his lip. Relief and sadness overwhelmed him.
Leo wouldn’t die today. But he still might do, and he was still Zachary’s
uncle.
Leo patted his head. Then Julian heard a
meep, and then Nuji jumped onto his lap, making Pyon squeak excitedly. The two
kems embraced like long-lost brothers. “He missed his friend,” Leo said.
“Yes, maybe he should get used to it.” He
looked up, rubbing his eyes quickly. “I saw Zachary. We, um…”
“Yes, he told me,” Leo murmured. He held
his hand out again for Julian to take. “He said you were very rude and accused
him of wanting me to die.”
“I did. I didn’t mean…I just felt he…hasn’t
been very thoughtful.”
“No. He hasn’t been. I told him the same
thing.”
“Oh. What did he say?”
“Not very much. He asked me to dismiss you,
tell you to go back to work, and for me to move into his apartment. I told him
he was a bloody stupid young fool and I would do no such thing.”
Julian blinked away the tears. “Really?”
“Yes, of course. I love Zachary but he’s
the last person I want rearranging my personal relationships, especially with
people I’ve become so fond of.”
Julian pressed Leo’s hand to his cheek, not
caring that he was getting it wet. “I thought…he said I wasn’t family. I'm not
but I still…care a lot and…if you died…Leo, if you died, I’d be…” He broke
down. It had been too much, this morning, with Leo and then Zachary.
Leo patted his shoulder. “My dear, dear
boy, I'm not going to die. Not yet anyway. The doctors here are almost
embarrassed to have me in here, I'm in such rude health.”
Julian laughed and then sniffled, scrubbing
at his face with his hand.
“Look at me, Julian.” He obeyed, and found
Leo regarding him with a kind expression. “I can honestly say that nothing
Zachary does or says will ever make a difference to my friendship with you. I
want you to know that, believe it. Will you?” Julian nodded. “Good. I'm sure it
got a bit fraught—Zachary was very upset too, and not just on his own behalf.
He does care. He’s just terrified—of being abandoned, of being lonely, of
losing those he loves. And the truth is…at my age, I
can’t offer him the reassurances he needs. One day I won’t be around any more.
I lie awake at night sometimes and wonder how will he cope, all alone and so
unwilling to let anyone come close to him. He’s such a good man, Julian, but so
very, very frightened of being hurt again. The world hasn’t been kind to him,
and he doesn’t trust it.”
“But he makes it worse than it needs to. I
want to be his friend and he pushes me away. He wanted to send you
He left it for two hours before he called
the hospital. Leo was now settled in and expecting him, he was told. That took
the decision out of Julian’s hands. Even if Leo only wanted to tell him to get
out of his and Zachary’s life, Julian had to let him do that in person.
He took a taxi up to the hospital, feeling
that he shouldn’t use the car when it was just him,
and when maybe he didn’t have the right to use it all any more. He asked for
directions to the cardiac wing, and found Leo dozing in a small ward with two
other patients. As he approached, Leo opened his eyes and smiled, a little
crookedly.
“Julian,” he said, and Julian was relieved
beyond measure that the earlier garbled speech had disappeared. Leo’s voice
still sounded a little slurred, but it was much better than Julian had dared
hope. He looked normal, weary, maybe a touch pale. Frail,
certainly. But not dying.
Leo reached out a hand and Julian took it.
It shook a little, and there was less strength in Leo’s grip, but he could
still move his hand. He wasn’t paralysed.
“I was so worried,” Julian
said, his voice choking.
“Me too. Frightening.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Tired. Worried about you. You look
dreadful.”
“I feel…God, Leo, I thought you were going
to…” He bowed his head, and bit his lip. Relief and sadness overwhelmed him.
Leo wouldn’t die today. But he still might do, and he was still Zachary’s
uncle.
Leo patted his head. Then Julian heard a
meep, and then Nuji jumped onto his lap, making Pyon squeak excitedly. The two
kems embraced like long-lost brothers. “He missed his friend,” Leo said.
“Yes, maybe he should get used to it.” He
looked up, rubbing his eyes quickly. “I saw Zachary. We, um…”
“Yes, he told me,” Leo murmured. He held
his hand out again for Julian to take. “He said you were very rude and accused
him of wanting me to die.”
“I did. I didn’t mean…I just felt he…hasn’t
been very thoughtful.”
“No. He hasn’t been. I told him the same
thing.”
“Oh. What did he say?”
“Not very much. He asked me to dismiss you,
tell you to go back to work, and for me to move into his apartment. I told him
he was a bloody stupid young fool and I would do no such thing.”
Julian blinked away the tears. “Really?”
“Yes, of course. I love Zachary but he’s
the last person I want rearranging my personal relationships, especially with
people I’ve become so fond of.”
Julian pressed Leo’s hand to his cheek, not
caring that he was getting it wet. “I thought…he said I wasn’t family. I'm not
but I still…care a lot and…if you died…Leo, if you died, I’d be…” He broke
down. It had been too much, this morning, with Leo and then Zachary.
Leo patted his shoulder. “My dear, dear
boy, I'm not going to die. Not yet anyway. The doctors here are almost
embarrassed to have me in here, I'm in such rude health.”
Julian laughed and then sniffled, scrubbing
at his face with his hand.
“Look at me, Julian.” He obeyed, and found
Leo regarding him with a kind expression. “I can honestly say that nothing
Zachary does or says will ever make a difference to my friendship with you. I
want you to know that, believe it. Will you?” Julian nodded. “Good. I'm sure it
got a bit fraught—Zachary was very upset too, and not just on his own behalf.
He does care. He’s just terrified—of being abandoned, of being lonely, of
losing those he loves. And the truth is…at my age, I
can’t offer him the reassurances he needs. One day I won’t be around any more.
I lie awake at night sometimes and wonder how will he cope, all alone and so
unwilling to let anyone come close to him. He’s such a good man, Julian, but so
very, very frightened of being hurt again. The world hasn’t been kind to him,
and he doesn’t trust it.”
“But he makes it worse than it needs to. I
want to be his friend and he pushes me away. He wanted to send you
Similar Books
