of yourself. The one that isn’t sniffing after everything with a pussy. Introduce her to the soldier with dozens of commendations. Let her meet your family.” At Remy’s dropped jaw, Lucifer wryly amended. “On second thought, skip that part.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“Sometimes it is.”
“How did you win over Mother Earth? You guys are complete opposites and yet you seem to make it work.”
Lucifer scowled. “Damnable woman. Don’t speak her name. She’s liable to show up and ruin my snack. I shouldn’t be eating spicy foods before bedtime,” he mimed in a high pitched voice. “That’s what a bottle full of antacids is for.”
“But I got the impression you liked her?”
Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Of course I do. But it doesn’t mean we don’t have our differences, boy. It’s part of what makes our relationship fresh and exciting. I disobey her. She punishes me. I get all bad ass with her, and then chase her around the castle while she giggles and strips.”
“Um, too much information, boss.”
“No, too much info would be me inviting you to see the home video I made. But, we’re getting off topic. Forget about my fabulous sex life, hard I know since I am so wonderful, and let’s focus on you, which again goes against the grain, considering Hell revolves around me. Stop acting like a pussy with the witch, and get on with it. You want her. She wants you or she would have turned you into a bug and squashed you. Everything else will work itself out as you go along.”
Remy straightened. “You’re right. I am a soldier in Hell’s army. Nothing defeats me. I shall take an example from the greatest womanizer Hell has known and –”
“Shhh! Are you trying to get me kicked out of bed again? Gaia hates it when people remind her of my reputation.”
“You mean that of a man-whore?” The petite form of Mother Earth appeared suddenly, and Lucifer just about fell off his stool.
“Would you knock first?” he exclaimed.
“But then I wouldn’t hear you basking in the admiration of all the times you cheated on me,” she snapped, green eyes glowing.
“For the millionth time, I didn’t even know we were a couple. How convenient of you to forget the spell you used on me. Remember the one that wiped all my memories of you?”
She sniffed. “A man who truly loved me would have still known and not strayed.”
“We were on a break!” Lucifer yelled.
“That excuse didn’t work for Ross, and it won’t work for you,” she sassed back.
“Um, I think I should leave.” Remy eased off his stool and backed away. Gaia turned her fierce gaze on him, and eyes wide, his demon turned tail and fled.
Laughing Gaia bounced into Lucifer’s lap. “That was fun, even if I don’t know who that was.”
“He’s my first attempt at an experiment.”
“An experiment in what?” she asked.
“Who cares about work, when I’ve got something more interesting to show you,” he replied with a leer, not ready to divulge his master plan. Lucky for him, she found his hard problem intriguing. And no, he didn’t mean his dick. Sick perverts. Although, he did give it to her when he bent her over the newest rock he’d added to the garden as a present for her. Shaped like a penis, it seemed only fitting, especially when she commented on its spectacular size.
Chapter Eight
The knock at the door made her drop the armful of ice in the tub with a loud clatter. She planned to use the polar bath as a way of soothing her body after the flames died down. It cost her several potions and a curse to get this much ice at one time, given Hell’s climate wasn’t exactly conducive to ice-making.
Basic mortal things, like refrigerators, tended to work only sporadically or not at all. Some of the blame resided on the power generators for each circle. It took a lot of damned souls to pedal the bikes that spun the turbines to create electricity. If a pandemic took a section out – Hell not being immune to
“You make it sound easy.”
“Sometimes it is.”
“How did you win over Mother Earth? You guys are complete opposites and yet you seem to make it work.”
Lucifer scowled. “Damnable woman. Don’t speak her name. She’s liable to show up and ruin my snack. I shouldn’t be eating spicy foods before bedtime,” he mimed in a high pitched voice. “That’s what a bottle full of antacids is for.”
“But I got the impression you liked her?”
Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Of course I do. But it doesn’t mean we don’t have our differences, boy. It’s part of what makes our relationship fresh and exciting. I disobey her. She punishes me. I get all bad ass with her, and then chase her around the castle while she giggles and strips.”
“Um, too much information, boss.”
“No, too much info would be me inviting you to see the home video I made. But, we’re getting off topic. Forget about my fabulous sex life, hard I know since I am so wonderful, and let’s focus on you, which again goes against the grain, considering Hell revolves around me. Stop acting like a pussy with the witch, and get on with it. You want her. She wants you or she would have turned you into a bug and squashed you. Everything else will work itself out as you go along.”
Remy straightened. “You’re right. I am a soldier in Hell’s army. Nothing defeats me. I shall take an example from the greatest womanizer Hell has known and –”
“Shhh! Are you trying to get me kicked out of bed again? Gaia hates it when people remind her of my reputation.”
“You mean that of a man-whore?” The petite form of Mother Earth appeared suddenly, and Lucifer just about fell off his stool.
“Would you knock first?” he exclaimed.
“But then I wouldn’t hear you basking in the admiration of all the times you cheated on me,” she snapped, green eyes glowing.
“For the millionth time, I didn’t even know we were a couple. How convenient of you to forget the spell you used on me. Remember the one that wiped all my memories of you?”
She sniffed. “A man who truly loved me would have still known and not strayed.”
“We were on a break!” Lucifer yelled.
“That excuse didn’t work for Ross, and it won’t work for you,” she sassed back.
“Um, I think I should leave.” Remy eased off his stool and backed away. Gaia turned her fierce gaze on him, and eyes wide, his demon turned tail and fled.
Laughing Gaia bounced into Lucifer’s lap. “That was fun, even if I don’t know who that was.”
“He’s my first attempt at an experiment.”
“An experiment in what?” she asked.
“Who cares about work, when I’ve got something more interesting to show you,” he replied with a leer, not ready to divulge his master plan. Lucky for him, she found his hard problem intriguing. And no, he didn’t mean his dick. Sick perverts. Although, he did give it to her when he bent her over the newest rock he’d added to the garden as a present for her. Shaped like a penis, it seemed only fitting, especially when she commented on its spectacular size.
Chapter Eight
The knock at the door made her drop the armful of ice in the tub with a loud clatter. She planned to use the polar bath as a way of soothing her body after the flames died down. It cost her several potions and a curse to get this much ice at one time, given Hell’s climate wasn’t exactly conducive to ice-making.
Basic mortal things, like refrigerators, tended to work only sporadically or not at all. Some of the blame resided on the power generators for each circle. It took a lot of damned souls to pedal the bikes that spun the turbines to create electricity. If a pandemic took a section out – Hell not being immune to
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