A Confederacy of Dunces

A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole Page A

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Authors: John Kennedy Toole
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upon an otherwise pleasant day, but I finally won my point by explaining to the man the dangers of my valve and of my health in general.
    So we see that even when Fortuna spins us downward, the wheel sometimes halts for a moment and we find ourselves in a good, small cycle within the larger bad cycle. The universe, of course, is based upon the principle of the circle within the circle. At the moment, I am in an inner circle. Of course, smaller circles within this circle are also possible.
    Ignatius gave the driver the clipboard and a variety of instructions upon speed, direction, and shifting. By the time they had reached Constantinople Street there was a hostile silence in the taxi, which was only broken by the driver's request for the fare.
    As Ignatius pulled himself angrily up and out of the taxi, he saw his mother coming down the street. She was wearing her short pink topper and the small red hat that tilted over one eye so that she looked like a refugee starlet from the Golddiggers film series. Ignatius noticed hopelessly that she had added a dash of color by pinning a wilted poinsettia to the lapel of her topper. Her brown wedgies squeaked with discount price defiance, as she walked redly and pinkly along the broken brick sidewalk. Even though he had been seeing her outfits for years, the sight of his mother in full regalia always slightly appalled his valve.
    "Oh, honey," Mrs. Reilly said breathlessly when they met by the rear bumper of the Plymouth, which blocked all sidewalk traffic. "A terrible thing's happened."
    "Oh, my God. What is it now?"
    Ignatius imagined it was something in his mother's family, a group of people who tended to suffer violence and pain. There was the old aunt who had been robbed of fifty cents by some hoodlums, the cousin who had been struck by the Magazine streetcar, the uncle who had eaten a bad cream puff, the godfather who had touched a live wire knocked loose in a hurricane.
    "It's poor Miss Annie next door. This morning she took a little fainting spell in the alley. Nerves, babe. She says you woke her up this morning playing on your banjo."
    "That is a lute, not a banjo," Ignatius thundered. "Does she think that I'm one of these perverse Mark Twain characters?"
    "I just come from seeing her. She's staying over by her son's house on St. Mary Street."
    "Oh, that offensive boy." Ignatius climbed the steps ahead of his mother. "Well, thank God Miss Annie has left for a while.
    Now perhaps I can play my lute without her rasping denunciations assailing me from across the alley."
    "I stopped off at Lenny's and bought her a nice little pair of beads filled with Lourdes water."
    "Good grief. Lenny's. Never in my life have I seen a shop filled with so much religious hexerei. I suspect that that jewelry shop is going to be the scene of a miracle before long.
    Lenny himself may ascend."
    "Miss Annie loved them beads, boy. Right away she started saying a rosary."
    "No doubt that was better than conversing with you.'
    "Have a chair, babe, and I'll fix you something to eat."
    "In the confusion of Miss Annie's collapse, you seem to have forgotten that you shipped me off to Levy Pants this morning."
    "Oh, Ignatius, what happened?" Mrs. Reilly asked, putting a match to a burner that she had turned on several seconds before. There was a localized explosion on the top of the stove. "Lord, I almost got myself burnt."
    "I am now an employee of Levy Pants."
    "Ignatius!" his mother cried, circling his oily head in a clumsy pink woolen embrace that crushed his nose. Tears welled in her eyes. "I'm so proud of my boy."
    "I'm quite exhausted. The atmosphere in that office is hyper tense."
    "I knew you'd make good."
    "Thank you for your confidence."
    "How much Levy Pants is gonna pay you, darling?"
    "Sixty American dollars a week."
    "Aw, that's all? Maybe you should of looked around some more."
    "There are wonderful opportunities for advancement, wonderful plans for the alert young man. The salary may .soon

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