A Beautiful Mess
to take a long hot bubble bath to release the tension and calm down. I brought my Kindle in there with me to relax but I couldn’t even read, that’s how bad I was hurting.
    After an hour of dozing on and off in the bathtub I dried myself off with a warm towel and changed into a t-shirt and put on some panties and climbed into bed to try and at least get a good night’s sleep. I tossed and turned for what seemed like forever and then all of a sudden I heard rain pitter patter against the window and the wind blowing the trees back and forth. I loved listening to the sound of the rain, but then the thunder slowly erupted and shuddered.
    Thunderstorms are actually my favorite time. I love reading a book and cuddling up by the fireplace. That was my source of peace and tranquility, but right now in this moment I feel restless. My brain is running a mile a minute because I’m questioning everything that has happened between me and Jason. He showed me a piece of him that he hasn’t told anyone else about and then he ran away. I realized that he was testing me and I failed.
    I proved him right … that nobody stays.
    I was so scared of getting hurt that I didn’t open my eyes and my mind … but most importantly my heart to the possibilities of feeling happy and alive.
    My eyelids were starting to get heavy when there was a loud pounding coming from the door. I immediately jumped out of bed and my heart started pounding. I looked over at the clock and it read 12:30 a.m. and I wondered who it was. Before I walked out of my bedroom to the front door I bent down and pulled on some sweatpants.
    Walking out into the living room I heard another at the front door and doubled in movement to get to my destination much faster. I put my hand to the lock and unlocked it. I then took a deep breath and placed my hand on the knob and turned. The door was only halfway open when I saw Jason.
    He was standing there all disheveled and staring at me but looking as beautiful as ever. I took a second to drink him in.
    The way the rain was covering his hair and it was getting plastered to his face. The way his eyes were bearing into mine and looking deep into my soul.. The way when Jason breathed out I could see his chest rise and fall and the warm air leave his lungs. The way he was clenching his fists together and moving his weight from one foot to the other because of nerves. The way he was sucking his lower lip into his mouth and his eyebrows were scrunching together because he was thinking excessively hard.
    I thought he was going to say something but nothing left his mouth except carbon dioxide so I took a deep breath and said, “What do you want Jason?”
    While dropping his head to look at the pavement he placed his hands on his hips and let out a low laugh. Seconds went by and then his eyes met mine and he cupped my face in his hands. His thumbs moved back and forth along my cheeks to soothe me and then he whispered, “It’s not what I want Ash but more like who and it’s you. Ashlynn, I want you.”
    He huffed and said, “I love you.”
    He then crushed his mouth to mine and I wrapped my arms around his neck. We were standing in the doorway of my apartment but Jason lifted me in his arms and walked in closing the front door behind him.
    Jason set me down on the floor and we both just stared at one another. We were both breathing pretty heavily and neither of us knew what to do.
    Jason started to step back from me never taking his eyes off of me but I said, “Take the jacket off Jason.”
    He tilted his head but did as I said and just as he was about to set it on a nearby dining room chair I took fistfuls of his shirt in my hands and crashed my mouth to his. He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me so my feet were dangling from the floor. I wrapped my arms around him and held on for dear life, hoping he wouldn’t push me away again and say, “I can’t.” He started to kiss my neck as he walked us back to my room and my

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