dammit.” Sawyer grabs my arm from behind, and I spin to face him.
“What?” I blink a few times as humiliation washes over me in thinking that our night was as incredible as I thought it was. He apparently just did the same thing with someone else, only she let him paint her. Of course I was thinking it was something it wasn’t. I already suspected it, but being faced with that reality is worse than I expected. And to think I kissed him.
He rests a hand on my sho ulder, and then slides his fingers down my arm before taking my hand. “You’re special. To me. Or different. Look, I promised Lane coffee, but can I drop by your room later? I’ve missed seeing you.”
“Me too,” I mumble, afraid to trust anything right now, but wanting so hard to. “But I’m driving home.”
“Where home?”
“Annapolis. My dad’s stationed there.” Though he’s not there , there.
“Long drive.”
“Yes.”
“Hey…” A smile plays on the corners of his mouth. “Would you drive me home? Pennsylvania? I’m right on your way. And pick me up on your way back through? It’s been too long since I saw my little sister, and I’ll pay you for gas. My car is perpetually in the shop.”
He wants me to drive him. We’re special. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s too early.
“Sure,” I say before I let myself think at what all this might entail.
“Great.” His smile is wide. “Perfect. I’m ecstatic you’ll get to meet my family.”
I’m pretty sure I choke on my smile because everything goes numb when I think about meeting his family.
He pauses for a few more moment s, still smiling, before taking a step backward, turning around, and walking out the door behind the short, dark-haired girl to go have coffee.
I’m filled with too many emotions about meeting his family and him out with a girl to nail anything down, and so I turn to jump onto the last treadmill and run until I feel like passing out.
“Wait.” Libby shakes her head as Toby shifts, trying to get comfortable. I hurt just watching him.
“Wait, what ?” I ask. “I haven’t been home since I got here.”
“And Thanksgiving weekend is almost here. It doesn’t make sense.” Her eyes narrow and I can tell she isn’t happy.
What Libby doesn’t understand and what I can’t explain is that it’s hard to have a parent on a ship in the Middle East, it just is. And being home makes me feel closer to him. Being around Mom makes me feel closer to him. Toby’s beating wasn’t in a war zone, it was on a walk. My dad is at war, and there’s this urgent desire to be somewhere I feel more a part of what he’s doing. I don’t even register the thought that I need a couple days of not seeing Toby’s broken face.
“I mean, look what I did!” She gestures to the pyramid of board games she stole from the student union.
“I get it, Libby. And I’m sorry I’m not here to play. You can use a stuffed animal in my place, but I want to go home.” I love that she did this for the three of us, but I need to be home—just for a bit. I wish she’d understand that instead of only seeing me leaving them.
Just when I think that she’s not going to go for it, Libby slams me in a hug. “Be careful.”
I pat her back. “Of course, Libby. And stop jumping around Toby, he’s recovering.”
She stiffens a little as if there was some possible way to offend her and steps back. “Have fun.” Her smile is too wide, but instead of sticking around to interpret, I head out to find Sawyer.
Chapter Fourteen
Toby
I know Libby’s not happy with Honor for leaving, but she can’t be expected to be around all the time. Honor has big things to do in the world. Though, so does Libby, and she’s here again. With me.
My mom has taken to texting to see how I am, but I’m fairly certain that one of my younger sisters is doing most of the texting because there’s no way Mom would know what ROFL or LMAO means, much less use them in texts.
Still. It’s
“What?” I blink a few times as humiliation washes over me in thinking that our night was as incredible as I thought it was. He apparently just did the same thing with someone else, only she let him paint her. Of course I was thinking it was something it wasn’t. I already suspected it, but being faced with that reality is worse than I expected. And to think I kissed him.
He rests a hand on my sho ulder, and then slides his fingers down my arm before taking my hand. “You’re special. To me. Or different. Look, I promised Lane coffee, but can I drop by your room later? I’ve missed seeing you.”
“Me too,” I mumble, afraid to trust anything right now, but wanting so hard to. “But I’m driving home.”
“Where home?”
“Annapolis. My dad’s stationed there.” Though he’s not there , there.
“Long drive.”
“Yes.”
“Hey…” A smile plays on the corners of his mouth. “Would you drive me home? Pennsylvania? I’m right on your way. And pick me up on your way back through? It’s been too long since I saw my little sister, and I’ll pay you for gas. My car is perpetually in the shop.”
He wants me to drive him. We’re special. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s too early.
“Sure,” I say before I let myself think at what all this might entail.
“Great.” His smile is wide. “Perfect. I’m ecstatic you’ll get to meet my family.”
I’m pretty sure I choke on my smile because everything goes numb when I think about meeting his family.
He pauses for a few more moment s, still smiling, before taking a step backward, turning around, and walking out the door behind the short, dark-haired girl to go have coffee.
I’m filled with too many emotions about meeting his family and him out with a girl to nail anything down, and so I turn to jump onto the last treadmill and run until I feel like passing out.
“Wait.” Libby shakes her head as Toby shifts, trying to get comfortable. I hurt just watching him.
“Wait, what ?” I ask. “I haven’t been home since I got here.”
“And Thanksgiving weekend is almost here. It doesn’t make sense.” Her eyes narrow and I can tell she isn’t happy.
What Libby doesn’t understand and what I can’t explain is that it’s hard to have a parent on a ship in the Middle East, it just is. And being home makes me feel closer to him. Being around Mom makes me feel closer to him. Toby’s beating wasn’t in a war zone, it was on a walk. My dad is at war, and there’s this urgent desire to be somewhere I feel more a part of what he’s doing. I don’t even register the thought that I need a couple days of not seeing Toby’s broken face.
“I mean, look what I did!” She gestures to the pyramid of board games she stole from the student union.
“I get it, Libby. And I’m sorry I’m not here to play. You can use a stuffed animal in my place, but I want to go home.” I love that she did this for the three of us, but I need to be home—just for a bit. I wish she’d understand that instead of only seeing me leaving them.
Just when I think that she’s not going to go for it, Libby slams me in a hug. “Be careful.”
I pat her back. “Of course, Libby. And stop jumping around Toby, he’s recovering.”
She stiffens a little as if there was some possible way to offend her and steps back. “Have fun.” Her smile is too wide, but instead of sticking around to interpret, I head out to find Sawyer.
Chapter Fourteen
Toby
I know Libby’s not happy with Honor for leaving, but she can’t be expected to be around all the time. Honor has big things to do in the world. Though, so does Libby, and she’s here again. With me.
My mom has taken to texting to see how I am, but I’m fairly certain that one of my younger sisters is doing most of the texting because there’s no way Mom would know what ROFL or LMAO means, much less use them in texts.
Still. It’s
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