belongings, as much as they hold memories, they aren’t her. You and I know who she was and we have to remember what she would want. She wouldn’t want this to burden us any longer; she would want us to be happy.”
“Okay, let’s go then.” Starting up my truck, we head into the city. Ivy is absolutely correct. The apartment holds a lot of memories, but so does my head, and no one can ever take that away from me.
After an hour of driving, we arrive. Pulling into the garage for the apartment, Ivy is asleep. I put the truck in park and run my knuckles down her cheek. “Wake up, Ivy.”
She looks around the dark garage and then at me a little confused. “Did I sleep the entire drive?” she asks.
“Uh huh.”
Her stomach growls and I stall with proceeding upstairs, using the excuse. Just being back here is fucking hard. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat before we go in.” We get out of the truck and the second that my feet hit the ground, I’m taken back to the day that Zoë and I moved in. She was so happy and excited. Riding up the same elevator to the lobby with Ivy, I can’t help but get lost in my thoughts.
The doors ding and we exit into the bright and vibrant place that at one time I called home. The familiarity is hard to take in and I grab Ivy’s hand, leading her across the lobby and out the doors. The second that we hit the New York City air, my breath comes back to me.
“Why the rush?” Ivy asks as I drag her away from the building.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” I respond and slow down. “I just need to eat.”
“Okay.” She walks a little faster to keep up with me and then we enter the first café that I see.
Ivy and I order and then sit outside. As we wait for our food, I’m in a cloud, haunted by so many things from the past. Things that I never thought would come back to me. Like the way the marble flooring in the building reminds me of Zoë and how it made her feel our place was over the top or how the sounds of the sirens in the distance take me back to that night. My mind swirls like a fucking tornado and I’m not sure how to stop it. Looking out at all of the people as they buzz by, Ivy takes my hand and says, “If you aren’t ready to do this, we don’t have to.”
Looking into her eyes, I appreciate the concern. She reads me well. “I…I didn’t know I was going to feel her so much going back there.”
Tears fill her eyes and she lets go of my hand. “Don’t do that,” I beg, reaching for her hand. She holds it and as we look into each other’s eyes, I’m reassured that no matter what I have to face in front of me or what obstacles are ahead of me, as long as I have Ivy, I’ll be okay.
“Krane, I’m sorry I said we should do this today.”
“Don’t be. This isn’t your fault, you’re just trying to help. It’s me. I’m all over the place. I need to remember what is real and stay grounded.”
All I can do right now is to live in the moment. I cannot get ahead of myself, because that just lets things get out of control. Each moment, each breath, each second is all I can focus on moving through.
“Krane!” my name is called out as Ivy and I leave the café and I look up to see Logan walking towards us.
“What’s up, man?” he asks energetically.
“Not much,” I respond, “You remember Ivy.” They shake hands and he looks down at our intertwined fingers, then smiles at me.
“You doing okay, brother?”
I nod and it brings him a smile. “Good. Hey, I was just headed to the gym. You should come.”
“I would, man, but we gotta get—”
“No, we don’t,” Ivy chimes in and I give her that look. “We can spare an hour.”
“For real?” Logan shouts like a girl and when I see his excitement, I feel terrible for turning my back on him. He is my best friend. We were together every day, training hard. Sometimes, I thought that he wanted me to make it even more than I did.
“Sure, man,” I add.
“The guys are gonna love seeing
“Okay, let’s go then.” Starting up my truck, we head into the city. Ivy is absolutely correct. The apartment holds a lot of memories, but so does my head, and no one can ever take that away from me.
After an hour of driving, we arrive. Pulling into the garage for the apartment, Ivy is asleep. I put the truck in park and run my knuckles down her cheek. “Wake up, Ivy.”
She looks around the dark garage and then at me a little confused. “Did I sleep the entire drive?” she asks.
“Uh huh.”
Her stomach growls and I stall with proceeding upstairs, using the excuse. Just being back here is fucking hard. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat before we go in.” We get out of the truck and the second that my feet hit the ground, I’m taken back to the day that Zoë and I moved in. She was so happy and excited. Riding up the same elevator to the lobby with Ivy, I can’t help but get lost in my thoughts.
The doors ding and we exit into the bright and vibrant place that at one time I called home. The familiarity is hard to take in and I grab Ivy’s hand, leading her across the lobby and out the doors. The second that we hit the New York City air, my breath comes back to me.
“Why the rush?” Ivy asks as I drag her away from the building.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” I respond and slow down. “I just need to eat.”
“Okay.” She walks a little faster to keep up with me and then we enter the first café that I see.
Ivy and I order and then sit outside. As we wait for our food, I’m in a cloud, haunted by so many things from the past. Things that I never thought would come back to me. Like the way the marble flooring in the building reminds me of Zoë and how it made her feel our place was over the top or how the sounds of the sirens in the distance take me back to that night. My mind swirls like a fucking tornado and I’m not sure how to stop it. Looking out at all of the people as they buzz by, Ivy takes my hand and says, “If you aren’t ready to do this, we don’t have to.”
Looking into her eyes, I appreciate the concern. She reads me well. “I…I didn’t know I was going to feel her so much going back there.”
Tears fill her eyes and she lets go of my hand. “Don’t do that,” I beg, reaching for her hand. She holds it and as we look into each other’s eyes, I’m reassured that no matter what I have to face in front of me or what obstacles are ahead of me, as long as I have Ivy, I’ll be okay.
“Krane, I’m sorry I said we should do this today.”
“Don’t be. This isn’t your fault, you’re just trying to help. It’s me. I’m all over the place. I need to remember what is real and stay grounded.”
All I can do right now is to live in the moment. I cannot get ahead of myself, because that just lets things get out of control. Each moment, each breath, each second is all I can focus on moving through.
“Krane!” my name is called out as Ivy and I leave the café and I look up to see Logan walking towards us.
“What’s up, man?” he asks energetically.
“Not much,” I respond, “You remember Ivy.” They shake hands and he looks down at our intertwined fingers, then smiles at me.
“You doing okay, brother?”
I nod and it brings him a smile. “Good. Hey, I was just headed to the gym. You should come.”
“I would, man, but we gotta get—”
“No, we don’t,” Ivy chimes in and I give her that look. “We can spare an hour.”
“For real?” Logan shouts like a girl and when I see his excitement, I feel terrible for turning my back on him. He is my best friend. We were together every day, training hard. Sometimes, I thought that he wanted me to make it even more than I did.
“Sure, man,” I add.
“The guys are gonna love seeing
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