Oz.
Plaintiff.
-v-
DOROTHY G., a minor; EM and HENRY G., guardians; GLINDA, a self-proclaimed “good witch”; OZ, a wonderful wizard if ever a wiz there was; LOYAL ORDER OF THE LOLLIPOP GUILD, INC., a fraternal organization; EMERALD CITY INDUSTRIAL DEVELOPMENT AUTHORITY, et al.
Defendants.
I. INTRODUCTION AND SUMMARY
Plaintiff seeks monetary and damage relief, resulting from denial of Civil Rights, as described under the United States Constitution, through broad-based conspiracy of high-ranking officials; including unlawful discrimination based on religious practice and crossing a rainbow with intent to commit a felony.
II. UNDISPUTED FACTS
1. OIQn or about June 5, 1939, following a dispute over local leash laws, Defendant DOROTHY G. ran away from home.
2. Upon information and belief, DOROTHY G. secured and piloted a thirty-four-ton farmhouse through a cyclone, relocating said dwelling onto property not zoned for residential use. Furthermore, said dwelling violated numerous codes requiring equal access for Munchkin Americans.
3. Upon learning of fatal injuries to Plaintiff’s sister, Wicked Witch of East, DOROTHY G. told bystanders without remorse that “the house beganto pitch, the kitchen took a slitch, and landed … in the middle of a ditch,” crushing to death said witch.
4. After learning that victim was “not only merely dead [but] really most sincerely dead,” DOROTHY G. removed evidence in the form of the deceased’s bejeweled footwear, treasured family heirlooms. Defendant then fled crime scene, wearing said evidence, claiming immunity from prosecution because she was not “in Kansas anymore.”
5. Through coercion and deceit, DOROTHY G. recruited as agent subordinate a mental incompetent (henceforth known as SCARECROW ), who was employed in the agricultural industry as a security guard, despite displaying on repeated standardized tests an IQ of zero.
6. Through coercion and fraud, DOROTHY G. recruited a robot (henceforth known as TINMAN ), originally designed for lumber production, by offering said agent a surgical chest enhancement.
7. Through coercion and intimidation, DOROTHY G. recruited an endangered species (henceforth known as LION ), known to exhibit psychotic tendenciesin a stated desire to make “the chipmunks genuflect to me,” by offering said predator “courage.”
8. Blood tests later revealed in DOROTHY G . and LION excessive concentrations of a poppy-based sedative, a controlled substance under Class C federal drug-law statutes. Also, both later admitted receiving from GLINDA a stimulant known by the street name “snow.”
9. Upon arriving in Emerald City, DOROTHY G. and said agents entered into a verbal contract with OZ to serve as mercenaries in a mission to steal Plaintiff’s broomstick, her lone means of transportation and a key to her livelihood in the field of commercial skywriting.
10. During assault inside Plaintiff’s castle, DOROTHY G. threw an unknown liquid solvent upon Plaintiff, causing an immediate and acute allergic reaction.
11. Plaintiff melted.
12. Upon return to Emerald City, DOROTHY G. and OZ defrauded said agents:
a) Instead of increased mental capacity, SCARECROW received an associate’s degree from Emerald City Community College.
b) Instead of an internal organ from a compatible donor, TINMAN received a clock.
c) Instead of “courage,” LION received a “Land of Oz” medallion from the Franklin Mint, valued at $6.99.
III. CLAIM
1. DOROTHY G. ’s actions caused Plaintiff physical, emotional, and financial distress, including loss of income, castle, and surrounding real estate, and thirty-five trained flying monkeys, valued at $20,000 per animal; also loss through waste of 144 crates of Purina Flying Monkey Chow.
2. Due to injuries sustained during meltdown, Plaintiff suffers chronic back pain and requires twenty-four-hour assisted mopping.
3. Plaintiff seeks compensation in form of $20 million, representing the assets of EM and
Plaintiff.
-v-
DOROTHY G., a minor; EM and HENRY G., guardians; GLINDA, a self-proclaimed “good witch”; OZ, a wonderful wizard if ever a wiz there was; LOYAL ORDER OF THE LOLLIPOP GUILD, INC., a fraternal organization; EMERALD CITY INDUSTRIAL DEVELOPMENT AUTHORITY, et al.
Defendants.
I. INTRODUCTION AND SUMMARY
Plaintiff seeks monetary and damage relief, resulting from denial of Civil Rights, as described under the United States Constitution, through broad-based conspiracy of high-ranking officials; including unlawful discrimination based on religious practice and crossing a rainbow with intent to commit a felony.
II. UNDISPUTED FACTS
1. OIQn or about June 5, 1939, following a dispute over local leash laws, Defendant DOROTHY G. ran away from home.
2. Upon information and belief, DOROTHY G. secured and piloted a thirty-four-ton farmhouse through a cyclone, relocating said dwelling onto property not zoned for residential use. Furthermore, said dwelling violated numerous codes requiring equal access for Munchkin Americans.
3. Upon learning of fatal injuries to Plaintiff’s sister, Wicked Witch of East, DOROTHY G. told bystanders without remorse that “the house beganto pitch, the kitchen took a slitch, and landed … in the middle of a ditch,” crushing to death said witch.
4. After learning that victim was “not only merely dead [but] really most sincerely dead,” DOROTHY G. removed evidence in the form of the deceased’s bejeweled footwear, treasured family heirlooms. Defendant then fled crime scene, wearing said evidence, claiming immunity from prosecution because she was not “in Kansas anymore.”
5. Through coercion and deceit, DOROTHY G. recruited as agent subordinate a mental incompetent (henceforth known as SCARECROW ), who was employed in the agricultural industry as a security guard, despite displaying on repeated standardized tests an IQ of zero.
6. Through coercion and fraud, DOROTHY G. recruited a robot (henceforth known as TINMAN ), originally designed for lumber production, by offering said agent a surgical chest enhancement.
7. Through coercion and intimidation, DOROTHY G. recruited an endangered species (henceforth known as LION ), known to exhibit psychotic tendenciesin a stated desire to make “the chipmunks genuflect to me,” by offering said predator “courage.”
8. Blood tests later revealed in DOROTHY G . and LION excessive concentrations of a poppy-based sedative, a controlled substance under Class C federal drug-law statutes. Also, both later admitted receiving from GLINDA a stimulant known by the street name “snow.”
9. Upon arriving in Emerald City, DOROTHY G. and said agents entered into a verbal contract with OZ to serve as mercenaries in a mission to steal Plaintiff’s broomstick, her lone means of transportation and a key to her livelihood in the field of commercial skywriting.
10. During assault inside Plaintiff’s castle, DOROTHY G. threw an unknown liquid solvent upon Plaintiff, causing an immediate and acute allergic reaction.
11. Plaintiff melted.
12. Upon return to Emerald City, DOROTHY G. and OZ defrauded said agents:
a) Instead of increased mental capacity, SCARECROW received an associate’s degree from Emerald City Community College.
b) Instead of an internal organ from a compatible donor, TINMAN received a clock.
c) Instead of “courage,” LION received a “Land of Oz” medallion from the Franklin Mint, valued at $6.99.
III. CLAIM
1. DOROTHY G. ’s actions caused Plaintiff physical, emotional, and financial distress, including loss of income, castle, and surrounding real estate, and thirty-five trained flying monkeys, valued at $20,000 per animal; also loss through waste of 144 crates of Purina Flying Monkey Chow.
2. Due to injuries sustained during meltdown, Plaintiff suffers chronic back pain and requires twenty-four-hour assisted mopping.
3. Plaintiff seeks compensation in form of $20 million, representing the assets of EM and
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