Your Mother Was a Neanderthal by Jon Scieszka

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    Registered Offices: Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R ORL, England
     
    First published in the United States of America by Viking,
a division of Penguin Books USA Inc., 1993
Published by Puffin Books, 1995
This edition published by Puffin Books, a division of Penguin Young Readers Group, 2006
     

     
Text copyright © Jon Scieszka, 1993
Illustrations copyright © Lane Smith, 1993
     
    All rights reserved
     
    THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS HAS CATALOGED THE VIKING EDITION AS FOLLOWS:
    Scieszka, Jon.
Your mother was a neanderthal / by Jon Scieszka; illustrated by Lane Smith.
p. cm.—(The Time warp trio)
Summary: The Time Warp Trio find themselves in the middle of an adventure
in prehistoric times, where cave art is a form of graffiti and
“rock” music takes on a whole new meaning.
    eISBN : 978-1-101-07831-0
    [1. Time travel—Fiction. 2. Man, Prehistoric—Fiction. 3. Humorous stories.]
I. Smith, Lane, ill. II. Title. III. Series: Scieszka, Jon. Time warp trio.
PZ7.S41267Yo 1993 [Fic]—dc20 92-32608 CIP AC

     
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ONE
    I t was like nothing on earth we had ever seen before. Fred, Sam, and I stood in front of a forest of strange trees and giant ferns. A rocky cliff rose behind us. A volcano smoked ahead of us.
    But we didn’t really notice any of that at first. The first thing we noticed was that the three of us were standing around completely, unbelievably, and absolutely naked.
    “We lost everything,” yelled Fred. He dove behind the nearest giant fern.
    “I don’t understand it,” said Sam. “This never happens in those other time travel books.”
    “So why does it have to happen to us?” asked Fred. “This is totally embarrassing.”
    “We didn’t lose everything,” I said. “Sam still has his glasses. You’ve got your hat. And I’ve got my straw.”
    “That’s all you have? A straw?” asked Fred. “Don’t tell me you lost The Book.”
    “Okay, I won’t tell you,” I said.
    “You don’t have The Book,? Oh, man,” said Fred. “This time we are really cooked. I knew it wouldn’t work. There is no way we are going to find The Book here in the Stone Age. We’ll be lucky if we find anybody who can even talk.”
    Sam looked around. “So, okay. Things don’t look so good.”
    “Don’t look so good?” said Fred. “We have to wait a million years for people to invent talking, writing, and then bookmaking. And all you can say is things don’t look so good?”
    “According to my calculations,” said Sam, “we’ve probably landed in the year 40,000 B.C. We are completely naked. We have no tools,’ weapons, or supplies. But we still have one thing.”
    “Goosebumps?” said Fred.
    “No, you jerk. Knowledge. Brainpower. All the learning of modern man,” said Sam. He pointed dramatically toward the smoking volcano. “Out there in the prehistoric world, we can still be kings, or at