Yolo by Lauren Myracle

group.
mad maddie:
our group.
mad maddie:
his real name is Francis. go fig.
zoegirl:
ok, but why no “hugs to Maddie”?
zoegirl:
why are there no notes to you at all?
mad maddie:
that’s a weird question
zoegirl:
is it?
zoegirl:
no notes from you either
mad maddie:
well, Zoe, here is why. Zara’s Instagram pic only shows two walls of the bathroom. two out of . . . I dunno, ten or twelve including the stalls and showers.
mad maddie:
what did you think, that everyone in the suite decorated the bathroom except me?
zoegirl:
well . . . *shrugs*
mad maddie:
omg, I’m so offended! or I wld be if I weren’t laughing so hard.
mad maddie:
I’ve written stuff on the tiles too. they’re just not in that pic.
mad maddie:
crazy girl!
    Sat, Oct 12 , 5:13 PM E . D . T .
SnowAngel:
I just sat thru the WORST scolding of my life, you guys.
SnowAngel:
it was like being yelled at by Southern Belle Barbie meets Desperate Housewife from Hell, and you shld both feel sorry for me and offer to rub my bunions.
SnowAngel:
don’t you feel sorry for me?
SnowAngel:
I don’t actually have bunions.
SnowAngel:
I don’t actually know what bunions are.
SnowAngel:
OMG, REALLY? where are you ppl when I need you?!!!
SnowAngel:
Tandy, the social chair of the Alpha Zetas, called an emergency pledge meeting because apparently sororities have emergencies involving social-ness.
SnowAngel:
here is the first thing she said once we were sitting down: “now listen, y’all. don’t even THINK about moving your derrieres from this room until I’m done. you’re all going to want to run away like little bitty babies because you’re all in huge fucking trouble, but if you move even one of your ugly-ass butt cheeks? you. are. dead. y’all got that?”
SnowAngel:
it was half scary and half funny, but Tandy wasn’t joking.
SnowAngel:
for the next hour, she told us we were the worst pledge class in the history of Alpha Zetas. that we don’t show enough Zeta spirit, that we don’t make a splash on campus, that we don’t wear our lettersenough, and that only HALF of us had purchased the Zeta lavaliers we’re supposed to buy, and what the fuck was up with that?
SnowAngel:
a lavalier is a necklace with the Greek letters for whatever yr sorority is on it, in case you didn’t know. I’m one of the girls who hasn’t bought one, but not as an act of rebellion. just cuz I’m lazy.
SnowAngel:
see, you have to log on to this online store—there’s Alpha Zeta comforters, Alpha Zeta mugs, Alpha Zeta teddy bears, Alpha Zeta undies . . . but something went wrong when I was creating my account and I cldn’t get it to work and finally I said, screw it.
SnowAngel:
ANYway, after the lavalier rant, she told us that she’d gotten complaints from various frat guys about how “boring and lame” we are. wtf????
SnowAngel:
I am many things, but I am NOT boring or lame!
SnowAngel:
but Tandy was like, “lesson one, bitches: if frats don’t like the fucking boring pledges they invite to parties, then they stop liking the sororities they belong to. y’all are making the rest of us look bad, so stop sucking ass and man up, you twats.”
SnowAngel:
she really did use that word. I’m not kidding!
SnowAngel:
she also asked if we were fucking brain damaged.
SnowAngel:
the only thing that made Tandy’s rant bearable was Anna, my best pledge-buddy. IAnna. she kept making spit bubbles when Tandy wasn’t looking, hee hee hee. and when I say spit bubbles, I mean real, live spit bubbles, not drool.
SnowAngel:
I have no idea how she does it, but she can make teeny-tiny little bubbles leave her lips and float thru the air.
SnowAngel:
amazebubbles!!!!
SnowAngel:
well, yeah, blah blah blah. when we were finallyallowed to leave, Anna and I went to Shakes Alive and talked about how cray-cray Tandy is and also about how cray-cray being in a sorority is,