smarting gouges all
over my body. Ang stood in front of me, holding a
bottle of Spadrin’s liquor. He shoved the bottle into
my mouth and forced me to take a drink. I coughed and spat it out, struggling
to get away from him. I leaned down, groping for my clothes, furious with
humiliation. My clothing was soaked and caked with alcoholic mud; more
bottles—empty ones—lay scattered in the dirt. The beetles were gone. I
struggled with my underwear.
“Don’t
hurry on my account,” Ang said sardonically. “I’d
shake everything twice, if I was you.”
I turned my
back on him and shook everything out again with clumsy hands. I picked an
opalescent blue green beetle out of my shirt pocket. After that my body did
most of the shaking for me.
“Relax,” Ang said. “It’s over. At least you got the shower you’ve
been bitching about.” I stared at him, incredulous. He was smiling, but I
couldn’t tell what he meant by it.
Spadrin climbed down out of the rover’s cab. He looked sullenly at the ring of bottles,
at me, and at Ang. “That’s half of what I had left.”
Ang shrugged. “Only way to get rid of the bugs. You’re the
one who ... tripped.” His voice was flat.
Spadrin didn’t answer him. “Got all the cooties out, Gedda ?”
He looked at me instead, and I knew exactly what lay behind his smile.
“You did
that intentionally—”
“Me? How
did I know they’d come out of there like that?”
“You knew!”
“You want
to make something of it?” His smile stretched taut. He flexed his hands almost
casually. “ Gedda —?”
My own
hands made fists. They loosened again. I looked down at my naked legs, away
from his eyes, and shook my head. The hot breath of the desert whispered around
me, stinging me with dust.
“Then say
thanks for wasting my supply.” He glanced at the empty bottles.
I looked up
again, felt my face flushing.
“Forget
it,” Ang murmured, to someone, to the wind. “Just
forget about it ....”
Spadrin stood where he was, waiting.
Anger
paralyzed my throat. I tried, once, twice, before I could get the word out.
“Thanks.”
Spadrin climbed back inside, and let us follow.
day 49.
At least I
think it’s day 49. My watch isn’t keeping time—even
its logic functions are off. The cooling unit isn’t in much better condition.
Neither am I. Neither are the others, I suppose, but I don’t give a damn. It’s
the middle of the night, and the inside of the rover is barely cool even now. I
did the best I could. I can’t do it all alone, without parts, without help .... That’s what they expect. Miracles. In this stinking place?
Gods, how I
want to go outside, breathe fresh air, even if it has to be here—But Ang claims it’s too dangerous to leave the vehicle at
night; that we might lose our way, or ... or what, he won’t say. Step on a
beetle hive.
I feel
those bugs crawling on me, all the time; I can’t rest. I itch all over, my eyes
water, I start shaking .... Ang says I’m having an allergic reaction. Spadrin grins
as if he planned it that way. Ang gave me salves and
some kind of antihistamine, or I’d have crawled out of my skin by now. Every
bite is oozing and swollen; they stick to my clothes; I can’t stand touching
them but I have to scratch .... I hate Spadrin .... Gods, I have to stop thinking about it!
day 54. day 55?
The only
thing I really know for sure is that we finally reached the place where Ang found the solii . It was a
couple of mornings ago; I was spelling Ang at the
controls, to keep from going crazy with itching. It was almost midday when I
began to see a line of hills ahead. Clouds of mist lay in their folds, like
lint in pockets. To see fog lying on the land was more than my eyes could
believe—after so many days in world’s end, I thought it was an hallucination. I was still waiting for it to disappear when Ang came stumbling forward, with a reeking fesh stick in
his hand. I turned as I heard him, and saw his eyes widen as he
over my body. Ang stood in front of me, holding a
bottle of Spadrin’s liquor. He shoved the bottle into
my mouth and forced me to take a drink. I coughed and spat it out, struggling
to get away from him. I leaned down, groping for my clothes, furious with
humiliation. My clothing was soaked and caked with alcoholic mud; more
bottles—empty ones—lay scattered in the dirt. The beetles were gone. I
struggled with my underwear.
“Don’t
hurry on my account,” Ang said sardonically. “I’d
shake everything twice, if I was you.”
I turned my
back on him and shook everything out again with clumsy hands. I picked an
opalescent blue green beetle out of my shirt pocket. After that my body did
most of the shaking for me.
“Relax,” Ang said. “It’s over. At least you got the shower you’ve
been bitching about.” I stared at him, incredulous. He was smiling, but I
couldn’t tell what he meant by it.
Spadrin climbed down out of the rover’s cab. He looked sullenly at the ring of bottles,
at me, and at Ang. “That’s half of what I had left.”
Ang shrugged. “Only way to get rid of the bugs. You’re the
one who ... tripped.” His voice was flat.
Spadrin didn’t answer him. “Got all the cooties out, Gedda ?”
He looked at me instead, and I knew exactly what lay behind his smile.
“You did
that intentionally—”
“Me? How
did I know they’d come out of there like that?”
“You knew!”
“You want
to make something of it?” His smile stretched taut. He flexed his hands almost
casually. “ Gedda —?”
My own
hands made fists. They loosened again. I looked down at my naked legs, away
from his eyes, and shook my head. The hot breath of the desert whispered around
me, stinging me with dust.
“Then say
thanks for wasting my supply.” He glanced at the empty bottles.
I looked up
again, felt my face flushing.
“Forget
it,” Ang murmured, to someone, to the wind. “Just
forget about it ....”
Spadrin stood where he was, waiting.
Anger
paralyzed my throat. I tried, once, twice, before I could get the word out.
“Thanks.”
Spadrin climbed back inside, and let us follow.
day 49.
At least I
think it’s day 49. My watch isn’t keeping time—even
its logic functions are off. The cooling unit isn’t in much better condition.
Neither am I. Neither are the others, I suppose, but I don’t give a damn. It’s
the middle of the night, and the inside of the rover is barely cool even now. I
did the best I could. I can’t do it all alone, without parts, without help .... That’s what they expect. Miracles. In this stinking place?
Gods, how I
want to go outside, breathe fresh air, even if it has to be here—But Ang claims it’s too dangerous to leave the vehicle at
night; that we might lose our way, or ... or what, he won’t say. Step on a
beetle hive.
I feel
those bugs crawling on me, all the time; I can’t rest. I itch all over, my eyes
water, I start shaking .... Ang says I’m having an allergic reaction. Spadrin grins
as if he planned it that way. Ang gave me salves and
some kind of antihistamine, or I’d have crawled out of my skin by now. Every
bite is oozing and swollen; they stick to my clothes; I can’t stand touching
them but I have to scratch .... I hate Spadrin .... Gods, I have to stop thinking about it!
day 54. day 55?
The only
thing I really know for sure is that we finally reached the place where Ang found the solii . It was a
couple of mornings ago; I was spelling Ang at the
controls, to keep from going crazy with itching. It was almost midday when I
began to see a line of hills ahead. Clouds of mist lay in their folds, like
lint in pockets. To see fog lying on the land was more than my eyes could
believe—after so many days in world’s end, I thought it was an hallucination. I was still waiting for it to disappear when Ang came stumbling forward, with a reeking fesh stick in
his hand. I turned as I heard him, and saw his eyes widen as he
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