him, or would she think he was… Hell, even he didn’t know what he was. Man? Beast? Bi? Gay? Straight?
Damn . He was such a fucking coward! For five years now he’d lived as part man, part beast, tortured by erotic dreams of another man and so afraid of those dreams he’d chosen half a life rather than face the desire he felt for Anton.
Anton. Shit. What was wrong with him? He’d never lusted after a man, never thought of another man sexually. This need, though… this sexual desire was somehow intrinsic to his very existence, to his nature. How could he explain it to Xandi, when he didn’t understand it himself, the dark desire, the sensual need and the overwhelming hate that seemed to coexist with every thought of the man who had been his mentor? His master?
The man who had cursed him.
He’d told Xandi there would be penalties to pay, punishment to endure, but he hadn’t told her everything. Fear of his own desires, pure and simple, had kept him away from Anton. That same desire now moved him forward. Stefan felt a growing sense of expectation, a dark, purely sexual need for subjugation -- a desire to submit totally to Anton.
He pictured the wizard -- darkly handsome, his lean face and amber eyes mesmerizing, intensely intelligent. Thoughts of Anton had haunted his nights for five years now, filling Stefan’s dreams with a combination of carnal longing and murderous intent. Five long years of celibacy, of waking in the dark of night sweating, panting, painfully erect and thinking of Anton, of his elegant hands on Stefan’s body, of his mouth, his cock. Dreams that shamed him, excited him, confused him.
Was that unnatural desire part of the curse that left him half man and half beast, or was it a truth about his nature he’d not known before Anton?
When Xandi entered his life and made love to the beast, she stilled the dreams. Stilled them, but didn’t end them. He shuddered, feeling Xandi close beside him, sensing the wizard up ahead. Would she hate him when she learned the truth? When she discovered a side of him he still couldn’t admit to himself?
As the car drew closer to Anton’s home, his sense of dread grew and expanded. This wasn’t going to be easy, not with Xandi beside him. Since the first time he saw her, he’d loved her, had reveled in their sexual and mental compatibility. She made him more powerful, more male. More in control.
Was he about to lose all of that to Anton? Would he lose Xandi as well? He swallowed and felt the muscles in his throat constrict, as if someone were choking him, cutting off his air.
I can do this. I will beg his favor and submit. I have to.
I want to.
Oh God, how I want this.
It went against his nature, against everything that defined him.
A dark thrill coursed through his body. His cock swelled against the restricting fabric of his slacks. No. What defines me has changed. I have changed. Xandi loves me as I am. Her love empowers me, yet Anton’s love draws me. Must I lose one to gain the other?
Must I lose who I am now to regain my humanity?
He took a deep, steadying breath. Held it. Let it out and felt his shoulders relax.
Sighing, he took Xandi’s cold fingers in his and held her hand tightly against his thigh. Afraid, anxious, expectant… confused. But not alone. No longer alone.
Xandi remained quiet as the car followed the twisted road to the wizard Anton’s home. High in the mountains of
Montana
, the location was a mere X on the map Stefan had found on his breakfast table this morning.
Neither of them had any idea how Anton had placed the map and instructions in Stefan’s home. The simple sheet of handwritten directions and the map, located discreetly next to the salt and pepper shakers had merely hinted at the wizard’s power.
Stefan was his usual silent self, but Xandi sensed conflicting emotions roiling beneath his outwardly composed exterior. Relaxed he might appear, but she knew he was as tense as a well-strung bow. She sensed his
Damn . He was such a fucking coward! For five years now he’d lived as part man, part beast, tortured by erotic dreams of another man and so afraid of those dreams he’d chosen half a life rather than face the desire he felt for Anton.
Anton. Shit. What was wrong with him? He’d never lusted after a man, never thought of another man sexually. This need, though… this sexual desire was somehow intrinsic to his very existence, to his nature. How could he explain it to Xandi, when he didn’t understand it himself, the dark desire, the sensual need and the overwhelming hate that seemed to coexist with every thought of the man who had been his mentor? His master?
The man who had cursed him.
He’d told Xandi there would be penalties to pay, punishment to endure, but he hadn’t told her everything. Fear of his own desires, pure and simple, had kept him away from Anton. That same desire now moved him forward. Stefan felt a growing sense of expectation, a dark, purely sexual need for subjugation -- a desire to submit totally to Anton.
He pictured the wizard -- darkly handsome, his lean face and amber eyes mesmerizing, intensely intelligent. Thoughts of Anton had haunted his nights for five years now, filling Stefan’s dreams with a combination of carnal longing and murderous intent. Five long years of celibacy, of waking in the dark of night sweating, panting, painfully erect and thinking of Anton, of his elegant hands on Stefan’s body, of his mouth, his cock. Dreams that shamed him, excited him, confused him.
Was that unnatural desire part of the curse that left him half man and half beast, or was it a truth about his nature he’d not known before Anton?
When Xandi entered his life and made love to the beast, she stilled the dreams. Stilled them, but didn’t end them. He shuddered, feeling Xandi close beside him, sensing the wizard up ahead. Would she hate him when she learned the truth? When she discovered a side of him he still couldn’t admit to himself?
As the car drew closer to Anton’s home, his sense of dread grew and expanded. This wasn’t going to be easy, not with Xandi beside him. Since the first time he saw her, he’d loved her, had reveled in their sexual and mental compatibility. She made him more powerful, more male. More in control.
Was he about to lose all of that to Anton? Would he lose Xandi as well? He swallowed and felt the muscles in his throat constrict, as if someone were choking him, cutting off his air.
I can do this. I will beg his favor and submit. I have to.
I want to.
Oh God, how I want this.
It went against his nature, against everything that defined him.
A dark thrill coursed through his body. His cock swelled against the restricting fabric of his slacks. No. What defines me has changed. I have changed. Xandi loves me as I am. Her love empowers me, yet Anton’s love draws me. Must I lose one to gain the other?
Must I lose who I am now to regain my humanity?
He took a deep, steadying breath. Held it. Let it out and felt his shoulders relax.
Sighing, he took Xandi’s cold fingers in his and held her hand tightly against his thigh. Afraid, anxious, expectant… confused. But not alone. No longer alone.
Xandi remained quiet as the car followed the twisted road to the wizard Anton’s home. High in the mountains of
Montana
, the location was a mere X on the map Stefan had found on his breakfast table this morning.
Neither of them had any idea how Anton had placed the map and instructions in Stefan’s home. The simple sheet of handwritten directions and the map, located discreetly next to the salt and pepper shakers had merely hinted at the wizard’s power.
Stefan was his usual silent self, but Xandi sensed conflicting emotions roiling beneath his outwardly composed exterior. Relaxed he might appear, but she knew he was as tense as a well-strung bow. She sensed his
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