tormented childhood.
This was probably the biggest mistake she’d ever made. Ric was going to be so disgusted by her. He’d never be able to look her in the eye after tonight, but she had to try. Somehow Millie knew she had to explain what was going on in her head, why she could barely look at her reflection in the mirror anymore.
It wasn’t fair to Ric, making life-altering decisions without explaining why she knew she had to escape the shadows of her past. She’d never be whole if she didn’t leave the place where it had all happened. She’d miss the wild wolves and she’d really miss Daci and the boys, but she had a feeling they were growing restless, too.
Daci had mentioned how isolated she often felt, especially now that she was pregnant. She needed other women around her to share this time—young women with a lot better experience at pregnancy than Millie—but all she had, other than the guys, were Millie and Ric, two folks old enough to be her parents. Millie often felt that Daci really wanted to be back in Montana, closer to their friends. Maybe this would give her the freedom to choose.
Ric trotted along behind her. His steady, loving presence was the only reason she’d come this far. She would find the strength to tell him.
She had to.
They reached the foundation of her uncle’s old home long before Millie was ready. The house was gone, burned to the ground in a fire years ago, but the foundation remained.
Concrete piers, burned timbers, a few pieces of twisted metal and old pipe cast bizarre shadows in the soft glow of the new moon. A porcelain bathtub, stained and filthy with one side caved in, reflected silver light.
Millie paused in a dark swath of shadow beneath a big cedar and shifted. Ric shifted and stood beside her. Quietly he wrapped his arm around her waist as he studied the refuse scattered about—all that was left of the home where she’d spent the first years of her life.
She couldn’t look at Ric, but at least she managed to get the words out, even though she felt compelled to whisper for fear of disturbing ghosts she hoped were long gone. “Did you know I come back here sometimes, all by myself? Just to reassure myself it’s really gone. That he’s really gone.”
Ric remained silent, but his presence, the warmth of that strong arm around her body, gave Millie the courage to go on. “I’ve told you what it was like with my uncle. How he enjoyed punishing me, spanking me on my bare butt well into my teens.”
Her skin went hot and cold all over, merely from saying the words out loud. She stepped away from Ric. He didn’t try to hold her, but she heard his soft footsteps as he followed close behind. Walking carefully on bare feet through the thick grass, Millie paused at what was left of the front steps.
“What I haven’t told you . . .” She took a shuddering breath. “What I haven’t wanted you to know is how much I grew to anticipate the punishment. How I looked forward to his spankings. To the way he touched me.”
She turned and gazed solemnly at Ric, blinking back tears. “I hated him, but I think I hated myself more. I knew what he did was wrong. I tried to deny it, but when I was old enough to understand, I was well aware he took sexual gratification from punishing me, from the things he did to me. What I haven’t had the courage to tell you was how much I enjoyed it.” She coughed and cleared her throat. “I didn’t want you to know I was as bad as he was.”
“Not true, m’love. There’s nothing bad about you. Nothing at all.”
Ric’s arms slipped around her waist and he rested his chin on her head. She felt the steady beat of his heart and wished she could feel as calm. “But there is, Ric. When I knew I was going to get a spanking, I had my clothes off so fast it wasn’t even funny. I learned to tease him with my body. I’d rub my breasts against his arm and make it look like an accident. I’d position myself on his lap so that I
This was probably the biggest mistake she’d ever made. Ric was going to be so disgusted by her. He’d never be able to look her in the eye after tonight, but she had to try. Somehow Millie knew she had to explain what was going on in her head, why she could barely look at her reflection in the mirror anymore.
It wasn’t fair to Ric, making life-altering decisions without explaining why she knew she had to escape the shadows of her past. She’d never be whole if she didn’t leave the place where it had all happened. She’d miss the wild wolves and she’d really miss Daci and the boys, but she had a feeling they were growing restless, too.
Daci had mentioned how isolated she often felt, especially now that she was pregnant. She needed other women around her to share this time—young women with a lot better experience at pregnancy than Millie—but all she had, other than the guys, were Millie and Ric, two folks old enough to be her parents. Millie often felt that Daci really wanted to be back in Montana, closer to their friends. Maybe this would give her the freedom to choose.
Ric trotted along behind her. His steady, loving presence was the only reason she’d come this far. She would find the strength to tell him.
She had to.
They reached the foundation of her uncle’s old home long before Millie was ready. The house was gone, burned to the ground in a fire years ago, but the foundation remained.
Concrete piers, burned timbers, a few pieces of twisted metal and old pipe cast bizarre shadows in the soft glow of the new moon. A porcelain bathtub, stained and filthy with one side caved in, reflected silver light.
Millie paused in a dark swath of shadow beneath a big cedar and shifted. Ric shifted and stood beside her. Quietly he wrapped his arm around her waist as he studied the refuse scattered about—all that was left of the home where she’d spent the first years of her life.
She couldn’t look at Ric, but at least she managed to get the words out, even though she felt compelled to whisper for fear of disturbing ghosts she hoped were long gone. “Did you know I come back here sometimes, all by myself? Just to reassure myself it’s really gone. That he’s really gone.”
Ric remained silent, but his presence, the warmth of that strong arm around her body, gave Millie the courage to go on. “I’ve told you what it was like with my uncle. How he enjoyed punishing me, spanking me on my bare butt well into my teens.”
Her skin went hot and cold all over, merely from saying the words out loud. She stepped away from Ric. He didn’t try to hold her, but she heard his soft footsteps as he followed close behind. Walking carefully on bare feet through the thick grass, Millie paused at what was left of the front steps.
“What I haven’t told you . . .” She took a shuddering breath. “What I haven’t wanted you to know is how much I grew to anticipate the punishment. How I looked forward to his spankings. To the way he touched me.”
She turned and gazed solemnly at Ric, blinking back tears. “I hated him, but I think I hated myself more. I knew what he did was wrong. I tried to deny it, but when I was old enough to understand, I was well aware he took sexual gratification from punishing me, from the things he did to me. What I haven’t had the courage to tell you was how much I enjoyed it.” She coughed and cleared her throat. “I didn’t want you to know I was as bad as he was.”
“Not true, m’love. There’s nothing bad about you. Nothing at all.”
Ric’s arms slipped around her waist and he rested his chin on her head. She felt the steady beat of his heart and wished she could feel as calm. “But there is, Ric. When I knew I was going to get a spanking, I had my clothes off so fast it wasn’t even funny. I learned to tease him with my body. I’d rub my breasts against his arm and make it look like an accident. I’d position myself on his lap so that I
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