her.”
“Me swearing is not our biggest problem right now.”
We stare at each other for a minute and then he digs around in the diaper bag, pulls
out a diaper and wipes and hands them to me. “Here.”
“Why do I have to do it?” I ask.
“Because you’re her aunt. Duh.”
“I don’t do poop.” I scowl down at the little girl, like she’s done this to me on
purpose.
“What do you normally do when this happens and you’re watching her?”
“My mom changes her.”
“Haven’t you watched her alone before?” Now he’s laughing, Liv is laughing with him,
enjoying the joke, and I’m scowling at both of them.
“Dear God, what did they feed her?” I hold my hand over my nose. “Don’t you know how?”
“She’s a girl. I’m not going to jail.”
“Don’t be an idiot. You won’t go to jail for changing her diaper. You might go to
jail for not changing her diaper.”
“Come on, Auntie Sammie,” he winks charmingly, “You got this.”
“Leo is going to lose his manhood if he ever calls me Sammie again,” I tell Liv and
she giggles. Then, suddenly, it’s as if she realizes what she’s sitting in, her pretty
face crumbles and she starts to cry.
“Shit, we need to change her.”
“I’m calling Meg.” Leo pulls his phone out and dials Meg’s number.
“Why?”
“She’s a nurse. She deals with crap all the time. Hey, I’m at Sam’s. There’s an emergency,
and I need you to come here asap. Uh huh. No, no ambulance, just need your help. Okay
thanks.” He hangs up and stuffs the phone back in his pocket. “She’ll be right here.”
“You totally just lied to her.”
“She’ll be here in ten.”
It’s the longest damn ten minutes of my life.
Finally, the doorbell rings. The only reason I hear it is because Liv has taken a
moment to take a breath, thus giving us zero point three seconds of silence.
“Thank God,” Leo pulls her into the apartment and she scowls when she sees the baby
in my arms.
“What’s wrong with her?” She asks.
“She has a shitty diaper,” Leo tells her.
“So change her.”
“Leo’s afraid he’ll be considered a pedophile and I don’t know how.”
Meg takes the baby from my arms and stares back and forth at us, her face incredulous.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You said it was an emergency. I worked all night last
night, and you woke me up for this?”
“Don’t you smell that? It is an emergency.”
“Jesus, you two are worthless.” Meg finds the diaper and wipes, lays the baby on the
floor on her blanket, and gets to work. “This is nothing. At least she didn’t blow
out the diaper.”
“What does that mean?” I’m not sure that I really want to know.
“When the poop goes up their back, into their hair, all over the place. Now that’s
gross.”
“Isn’t the point of a diaper to catch the poop?” Leo plants his hands on his hips,
frowning at Meg. “I mean, if they don’t do their job, what’s the point?”
Meg laughs and snaps the baby’s jumper back in place, all clean and happy. “There,
all done.”
Liv smiles and leans her head on Meg’s shoulder when Meg lifts her off the floor.
“This is our secret,” I tell her. “Luke will never let me live it down if he finds
out that I couldn’t change her diaper.”
“It’s fine.” Meg waves me off and hands me the baby. “Have you fed her?”
And, as if on cue, Liv burps, spitting up whatever she had for lunch.
“I’m so not having kids,” I mutter.
“Good call,” Leo agrees and offers me his fist for a fist bump.
***
~Leo~
“Thanks again for coming to help.” I lean on Meg’s Range Rover and offer her a grin.
“You got me here under false pretenses.” She glares at me and then laughs, shaking
her head. “You both looked ridiculous.”
“Yeah, maybe no kids for me.”
“You’d do great.” She shrugs and grins, her dimple showing. “Looks like things are
going better.”
I just
“Me swearing is not our biggest problem right now.”
We stare at each other for a minute and then he digs around in the diaper bag, pulls
out a diaper and wipes and hands them to me. “Here.”
“Why do I have to do it?” I ask.
“Because you’re her aunt. Duh.”
“I don’t do poop.” I scowl down at the little girl, like she’s done this to me on
purpose.
“What do you normally do when this happens and you’re watching her?”
“My mom changes her.”
“Haven’t you watched her alone before?” Now he’s laughing, Liv is laughing with him,
enjoying the joke, and I’m scowling at both of them.
“Dear God, what did they feed her?” I hold my hand over my nose. “Don’t you know how?”
“She’s a girl. I’m not going to jail.”
“Don’t be an idiot. You won’t go to jail for changing her diaper. You might go to
jail for not changing her diaper.”
“Come on, Auntie Sammie,” he winks charmingly, “You got this.”
“Leo is going to lose his manhood if he ever calls me Sammie again,” I tell Liv and
she giggles. Then, suddenly, it’s as if she realizes what she’s sitting in, her pretty
face crumbles and she starts to cry.
“Shit, we need to change her.”
“I’m calling Meg.” Leo pulls his phone out and dials Meg’s number.
“Why?”
“She’s a nurse. She deals with crap all the time. Hey, I’m at Sam’s. There’s an emergency,
and I need you to come here asap. Uh huh. No, no ambulance, just need your help. Okay
thanks.” He hangs up and stuffs the phone back in his pocket. “She’ll be right here.”
“You totally just lied to her.”
“She’ll be here in ten.”
It’s the longest damn ten minutes of my life.
Finally, the doorbell rings. The only reason I hear it is because Liv has taken a
moment to take a breath, thus giving us zero point three seconds of silence.
“Thank God,” Leo pulls her into the apartment and she scowls when she sees the baby
in my arms.
“What’s wrong with her?” She asks.
“She has a shitty diaper,” Leo tells her.
“So change her.”
“Leo’s afraid he’ll be considered a pedophile and I don’t know how.”
Meg takes the baby from my arms and stares back and forth at us, her face incredulous.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You said it was an emergency. I worked all night last
night, and you woke me up for this?”
“Don’t you smell that? It is an emergency.”
“Jesus, you two are worthless.” Meg finds the diaper and wipes, lays the baby on the
floor on her blanket, and gets to work. “This is nothing. At least she didn’t blow
out the diaper.”
“What does that mean?” I’m not sure that I really want to know.
“When the poop goes up their back, into their hair, all over the place. Now that’s
gross.”
“Isn’t the point of a diaper to catch the poop?” Leo plants his hands on his hips,
frowning at Meg. “I mean, if they don’t do their job, what’s the point?”
Meg laughs and snaps the baby’s jumper back in place, all clean and happy. “There,
all done.”
Liv smiles and leans her head on Meg’s shoulder when Meg lifts her off the floor.
“This is our secret,” I tell her. “Luke will never let me live it down if he finds
out that I couldn’t change her diaper.”
“It’s fine.” Meg waves me off and hands me the baby. “Have you fed her?”
And, as if on cue, Liv burps, spitting up whatever she had for lunch.
“I’m so not having kids,” I mutter.
“Good call,” Leo agrees and offers me his fist for a fist bump.
***
~Leo~
“Thanks again for coming to help.” I lean on Meg’s Range Rover and offer her a grin.
“You got me here under false pretenses.” She glares at me and then laughs, shaking
her head. “You both looked ridiculous.”
“Yeah, maybe no kids for me.”
“You’d do great.” She shrugs and grins, her dimple showing. “Looks like things are
going better.”
I just
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