said heatedly.
‘Go to your barbecue, I’ll deal with him,’ Carmel had responded with uncharacteristic decisiveness. ‘It might be a good idea to stay with Lizzie for the night. Then you won’t have to be worried about what time you get in and he won’t be getting himself worked up.’
‘Thanks, Mam.’ Valerie flung her arms around her mother and hugged her. Carmel’s arms tightened around her. They didn’t usually show much affection and because it was so rare, it was a precious moment.
‘You’re a good girl, and a good daughter. I want you to have fun and be carefree when your exams are over. You’ve worked so hard you deserve it, and I’m very proud of you. I’m sorry I didn’t do more to stop your father beating you. I didn’t realize that was his intention.’ Carmel’s cheeks were pink as she made her speech, and her eyes were dark with a sad weariness that caught at Valerie’s heart.
‘It wasn’t your fault, Mam. Don’t think it was. I certainly don’t blame you,’ she’d said earnestly. ‘I just don’t think Dad likes me very much. I know he always wanted a boy.’
‘Well, I’m glad I had you,’ Carmel had replied fiercely. ‘And now you can live your own life and be independent. Always stand on your own two feet, Valerie. Don’t end up like me, dependent on a man like your father, with no life of my own.’
‘But why don’t you get a job, Mam? Earn your own money?’ Valerie had asked, surprised to be having such an unexpectedly intimate conversation with her mother. Carmel rarely spoke of her feelings.
‘I suppose I could. I could try to get work in the hotel, or in some of the B & Bs now that the summer season’s upon us. Your father would probably be all for it. You know what he’s like about money – the more there is the better.’ She gave a wry smile.
‘I think that’s a great idea, Mam. It feels so good having your own money. Lizzie and I and all the girls in our class have applied for jobs all over the place. We’ve done the Civil Service, Corporations, and County Council exams, and the banks, and hopefully we’ll get high up on the selection panels,’ Valerie said cheerfully.
‘Aahh, don’t worry, you’ll get a job with no bother, a bright girl like you. And I should stop being such a stick-in-the-mud, shouldn’t I?’ Carmel had said, displaying a bit of spark.
‘Yes, Mam. Get out there and be independent the way you’re always telling me to be. And when I get a car, we can learn to drive together. We don’t have to depend on him. He won’t let you drive his car and he’s told me I won’t be getting behind the wheel either, so stuff him. We’ll learn to drive ourselves,’ Valerie had said excitedly, relishing the thought of the look on her father’s face when she and her mother would no longer be obliged to him to be taken anywhere.
‘I don’t think I’d have the nerve to drive,’ Carmel said doubtfully.
‘You will, I’ll help you,’ Valerie had urged. ‘We won’t tell him and then when you’re confident enough you’ll just drive off one day in my car and leave him gobsmacked.’
‘We’ll see.’ Carmel had laughed, and Valerie had never felt so close to her.
Life was certainly improving, she thought now, as she stood under the shower in Lizzie’s untidy bathroom, lathering sweet-scented peach shower cream all over. Jeff would be at the barbecue tonight. His exams had finished a few days ago, so tonight would be a double celebration. She couldn’t wait.
Since that first afternoon date at New Year they had met most Sunday afternoons when his football match was over, going for a walk on the beach and a drink in the hotel afterwards. Jeff was great fun to be with, but he had a sensitive side that helped her through the lonely months of her curfew. Looking forward to their Sundays together kept her going.
They would walk along the beach holding hands and catch up on the events of their respective week, before going back to
‘Go to your barbecue, I’ll deal with him,’ Carmel had responded with uncharacteristic decisiveness. ‘It might be a good idea to stay with Lizzie for the night. Then you won’t have to be worried about what time you get in and he won’t be getting himself worked up.’
‘Thanks, Mam.’ Valerie flung her arms around her mother and hugged her. Carmel’s arms tightened around her. They didn’t usually show much affection and because it was so rare, it was a precious moment.
‘You’re a good girl, and a good daughter. I want you to have fun and be carefree when your exams are over. You’ve worked so hard you deserve it, and I’m very proud of you. I’m sorry I didn’t do more to stop your father beating you. I didn’t realize that was his intention.’ Carmel’s cheeks were pink as she made her speech, and her eyes were dark with a sad weariness that caught at Valerie’s heart.
‘It wasn’t your fault, Mam. Don’t think it was. I certainly don’t blame you,’ she’d said earnestly. ‘I just don’t think Dad likes me very much. I know he always wanted a boy.’
‘Well, I’m glad I had you,’ Carmel had replied fiercely. ‘And now you can live your own life and be independent. Always stand on your own two feet, Valerie. Don’t end up like me, dependent on a man like your father, with no life of my own.’
‘But why don’t you get a job, Mam? Earn your own money?’ Valerie had asked, surprised to be having such an unexpectedly intimate conversation with her mother. Carmel rarely spoke of her feelings.
‘I suppose I could. I could try to get work in the hotel, or in some of the B & Bs now that the summer season’s upon us. Your father would probably be all for it. You know what he’s like about money – the more there is the better.’ She gave a wry smile.
‘I think that’s a great idea, Mam. It feels so good having your own money. Lizzie and I and all the girls in our class have applied for jobs all over the place. We’ve done the Civil Service, Corporations, and County Council exams, and the banks, and hopefully we’ll get high up on the selection panels,’ Valerie said cheerfully.
‘Aahh, don’t worry, you’ll get a job with no bother, a bright girl like you. And I should stop being such a stick-in-the-mud, shouldn’t I?’ Carmel had said, displaying a bit of spark.
‘Yes, Mam. Get out there and be independent the way you’re always telling me to be. And when I get a car, we can learn to drive together. We don’t have to depend on him. He won’t let you drive his car and he’s told me I won’t be getting behind the wheel either, so stuff him. We’ll learn to drive ourselves,’ Valerie had said excitedly, relishing the thought of the look on her father’s face when she and her mother would no longer be obliged to him to be taken anywhere.
‘I don’t think I’d have the nerve to drive,’ Carmel said doubtfully.
‘You will, I’ll help you,’ Valerie had urged. ‘We won’t tell him and then when you’re confident enough you’ll just drive off one day in my car and leave him gobsmacked.’
‘We’ll see.’ Carmel had laughed, and Valerie had never felt so close to her.
Life was certainly improving, she thought now, as she stood under the shower in Lizzie’s untidy bathroom, lathering sweet-scented peach shower cream all over. Jeff would be at the barbecue tonight. His exams had finished a few days ago, so tonight would be a double celebration. She couldn’t wait.
Since that first afternoon date at New Year they had met most Sunday afternoons when his football match was over, going for a walk on the beach and a drink in the hotel afterwards. Jeff was great fun to be with, but he had a sensitive side that helped her through the lonely months of her curfew. Looking forward to their Sundays together kept her going.
They would walk along the beach holding hands and catch up on the events of their respective week, before going back to
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