William Shakespeare's Star Wars

William Shakespeare's Star Wars by Ian Doescher Page A

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Authors: Ian Doescher
Tags: Humor, General
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tow’r.
    LUKE I stand prepar’d.
    BIGGS —Now shall I strike! Pray, give
    Me thy good cover, Porkins.
    RED SIX —Stand I strong
    And ready for to give thee aid, Red Three.
    CHORUS Now bravely Biggs doth render sharp, hard blast
    Unto the evil Death Star’s armor’d side.
    The Empire’s fire unto his mate hath pass’d,
    And now Red Six doth face a troubl’d ride.
    RED SIX Disaster at me strikes.
    BIGGS —Eject, forsooth!
    RED SIX I yet may set it right.
    BIGGS —Anon, pull up!
    RED SIX Nay, nay, I’ll warrant that all shall be well—
    [Explosion. Red Six dies
.
    COMPUTER In seven minutes shall the Death Star be
    Within the range of our fair rebel base.
    CHORUS As rebels’ spirits with great strength redound,
    A voice speaks unto Luke, as to a son.
    Luke hears the voice and its familiar sound:
    ’Tis his old friend and Master Obi-Wan.
    Enter
G HOST OF O BI -W AN K ENOBI .
    GHOST [
aside:
] Pray, trust thy feelings, Luke.
    LUKE —I hear this voice
    And know it well. O me! Speak thou again!
    And heed the voice, my soul, and trust thyself:
    On Ben’s command I’ll strike a hearty blow!
    [He shoots and strikes Death Star
.
    Exit Ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi
.
    Enter
C ONTROL O FFICER .
    OFFICER Squad leaders, mark me well. New fighters have
    Appear’d, and come toward you presently.
    LUKE My scope shows naught, my eyes to them are blind.
    RED LEAD. Employ thy visu’l scanning—they approach!
    Red Seven, thou hast one upon thy rear.
    RED SEVEN My ship is hit! Now must I die, dear friends.
    [Explosion. Red Seven dies
.
    LUKE Good friends, if thou dost catch an enemy
    Behind thy ship, I prithee watch it well!
    BIGGS Now am I plagued by such a one, help help!
    For neither can I see where he doth go—
    He flies so close that my maneuvers fail.
    LUKE Hold fast, brave Biggs, till I can give thee aid.
    Upon the enemy I fly, and shoot!
    BIGGS Bold Luke, thou hast a life return’d to me.
    So may I one day give to thee in turn.
    Enter
D ARTH V ADER
with
I MPERIAL P ILOTS 1
and
2.
    VADER I prithee, soldiers, let us hence away.
    For many of our fighters are remov’d
    From their own fleet. Thus let us swiftly go
    And straightway make pursuit of these rogue ships.
    [Darth Vader and pilots enter ships
.
    BIGGS O Luke, thou art pursued, pull in!
    WEDGE —Pray, guard
    Thy back, good Luke. More fighters do approach.
    LUKE I have been hit, but not unto the death.
    Small R2, see if thou the damage canst
    Repair.
    R2-D2 —Beep, whistle.
    LUKE —Hang thou on, good droid!
    RED LEAD. Red Ten, canst thou see whither’s gone Red Five?
    RED TEN A heavy fire appears upon this side.
    Red Five, where art thou?
    LUKE —Here, but cannot shake
    The villain who doth hotly follow me.
    WEDGE I come for thee, good Luke, be not afraid.
    LUKE [
aside:
] O fie, my dear friend Biggs, where canst thou be?
    Thou promis’d that thou ow’dst to me a life,
    But where is now that help of which thou spok’st?
    ’Twas partly for our friendship I am here,
    For long I wish’d to join thee as thou fought
    And many were the tales adventurous
    Thou brought’st with thee whilst visiting our home
    When still I worked the crops on Tatooine.
    But now hast thou deserted me, old friend?
    When I am even at the door of death
    Hast thou both flown and fled? Say nay, dear Biggs!
    WEDGE Take that, thou scoundrel base, Imperi’l scum!
    LUKE Great thanks, good Wedge, heroic’lly hast thou done.
    GOLD LEAD. Red Leader, hear my word: the Gold team shall
    Begin our swift attack into the trench.
    RED LEAD. Godspeed, Gold Leader, go with might and strength!
    VADER I fly, and fly toward my enemies.
    This day the dark side of the Force shall reign,
    As I disrupt the weak Rebellion’s plans
    And with my men destroy their ev’ry hope.
    [To Imperial Pilots 1 and 2:
] Good pilots both, remain set for attack!
    GOLD LEAD. The port for the exhaust hath been lock’d in
    And mark’d! That hole shall make us whole, my mates.
    Now switch thy pow’r to front deflector

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