of nature: Every animal for herself.
JUMPING THROUGH
Hoops
LIKE A CIRCUS POODLE
When Women Give Themselves Away and Become Needy
“Let us never negotiate out of fear.”
—J OHN F. K ENNEDY
A New School: Who Is the Boss of You?
When a nice girl meets a man, it’s not uncommon for her to make concessions in her life that seem relatively insignificant. She stops doing the routine everyday things. She stops seeing friends. She stops going to a yoga class, and she stops playing tennis on weekends. She stops making time for the things she did when she was “solo.” Here’s what she
does
do:
She cancels a hair appointment … for a date with
him
.
She stops going to the gym after work … to accommodate seeing
him.
She stops spending time with friends … to give
him
the feeling “he is special.”
She cancels plans … because there’s a chance that she’ll get a call from
him
.
She isn’t focused at school … she keeps checking to see if a message came from
him
.
She isn’t focused at work … she keeps checking her e-mail to see if she received something in her inbox from
him
.
She gives up her career … to further his career and support
him
.
She stops having dreams outside of her relationship … because her only dream is
him
.
The bitch does not stop
moving to her own rhythm
. This, in and of itself, prevents her from becoming off-balance like a nice girl who abandons her routine.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #43
If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted, you’ll create a void. Then, to replace what you give up, you’ll start to expect and need more from your partner.
A classic example is Theresa. She takes salsa dance classes two nights a week. When she met her last boyfriend, she stopped going to her dance classes because he didn’t like to dance. She also played tennis, but he didn’t play; so she stopped that hobby as well.
Seems harmless, right? Not really. She’s giving up what she likes. The reason the nice girl gives up these activities is also telling of her self-confidence. Often she gives up something because she fears he won’t like her the way she is.
In addition, this cumulative reduction of activities eventually adds up to a significant change in
who
she is. At some point the man notices, and it turns him off because he realizes—before she does—that she’s lost her independence.
What happens after she’s lost her independence? Let’s take a look at the “state of the union” with Theresa, the woman who gave up salsa classes and tennis. She said, “We spent almost every night of the week together and fell into that pattern almost immediately. He didn’t tell me it was ‘too much’ for him. He just didn’t smile much and it seemed like he wasn’t happy anymore. I was becoming more insecure and I kept trying harder to be affectionate. I just wanted him to be like he was in the beginning.”
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #44
Most women are starving to receive something from a man that they need to give to themselves.
The nice girl thinks she’s giving up something to get something
better
in return. She gives up control over her own life. When the time comes for her to get what she had expected, she winds up disappointed. In addition to being empty-handed, she’s depleted.
A man rarely realizes just how much the nice girl gives up. He doesn’t make the same sacrifices because she’s adjusting her life to be with him. After she gives up everything in her life, she begins to demand the same of him. She wants him to stop seeing family and friends. She wants him to spend all of his free time with her. If he goes to the gym, she wants to accompany him.
He doesn’t feel this pressure from a bitchier woman, so he wants to be around her more, not less, and he respects her because she appears to have “a life.” Suppose a woman says to a guy she can’t go on a date with him that night because of her weekly pottery class. He scratches his head and thinks,
JUMPING THROUGH
Hoops
LIKE A CIRCUS POODLE
When Women Give Themselves Away and Become Needy
“Let us never negotiate out of fear.”
—J OHN F. K ENNEDY
A New School: Who Is the Boss of You?
When a nice girl meets a man, it’s not uncommon for her to make concessions in her life that seem relatively insignificant. She stops doing the routine everyday things. She stops seeing friends. She stops going to a yoga class, and she stops playing tennis on weekends. She stops making time for the things she did when she was “solo.” Here’s what she
does
do:
She cancels a hair appointment … for a date with
him
.
She stops going to the gym after work … to accommodate seeing
him.
She stops spending time with friends … to give
him
the feeling “he is special.”
She cancels plans … because there’s a chance that she’ll get a call from
him
.
She isn’t focused at school … she keeps checking to see if a message came from
him
.
She isn’t focused at work … she keeps checking her e-mail to see if she received something in her inbox from
him
.
She gives up her career … to further his career and support
him
.
She stops having dreams outside of her relationship … because her only dream is
him
.
The bitch does not stop
moving to her own rhythm
. This, in and of itself, prevents her from becoming off-balance like a nice girl who abandons her routine.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #43
If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted, you’ll create a void. Then, to replace what you give up, you’ll start to expect and need more from your partner.
A classic example is Theresa. She takes salsa dance classes two nights a week. When she met her last boyfriend, she stopped going to her dance classes because he didn’t like to dance. She also played tennis, but he didn’t play; so she stopped that hobby as well.
Seems harmless, right? Not really. She’s giving up what she likes. The reason the nice girl gives up these activities is also telling of her self-confidence. Often she gives up something because she fears he won’t like her the way she is.
In addition, this cumulative reduction of activities eventually adds up to a significant change in
who
she is. At some point the man notices, and it turns him off because he realizes—before she does—that she’s lost her independence.
What happens after she’s lost her independence? Let’s take a look at the “state of the union” with Theresa, the woman who gave up salsa classes and tennis. She said, “We spent almost every night of the week together and fell into that pattern almost immediately. He didn’t tell me it was ‘too much’ for him. He just didn’t smile much and it seemed like he wasn’t happy anymore. I was becoming more insecure and I kept trying harder to be affectionate. I just wanted him to be like he was in the beginning.”
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #44
Most women are starving to receive something from a man that they need to give to themselves.
The nice girl thinks she’s giving up something to get something
better
in return. She gives up control over her own life. When the time comes for her to get what she had expected, she winds up disappointed. In addition to being empty-handed, she’s depleted.
A man rarely realizes just how much the nice girl gives up. He doesn’t make the same sacrifices because she’s adjusting her life to be with him. After she gives up everything in her life, she begins to demand the same of him. She wants him to stop seeing family and friends. She wants him to spend all of his free time with her. If he goes to the gym, she wants to accompany him.
He doesn’t feel this pressure from a bitchier woman, so he wants to be around her more, not less, and he respects her because she appears to have “a life.” Suppose a woman says to a guy she can’t go on a date with him that night because of her weekly pottery class. He scratches his head and thinks,
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