Wholehearted by Cate Ashwood

games yet, and most of the guys were new, hadn’t even gotten their gear yet, so they were just running drills. It was still the preseason, and hot as fuck in Illinois, so as the practice went on, the guys on the team were peeling off more and more clothes.”
    “And you got hard.”
    “Fuck yeah, I did. There was one guy. I didn’t know who he was, just that I wanted to touch him, he was hot as fuck and beating my brother at everything. I’ll admit that may have been part of his charm. I saw him and I knew.”
    “Just like that?”
    “Yup. I mean, I’d always liked boys. I didn’t like spending time with girls much, but that was normal for boys my age. I didn’t really think anything of it, but watching that guy running half naked around the field, that smacked me in the face harder than if he’d actually thrown the football at me.”
    “Did you tell anyone?”
    “Nope. No one knew. No one knows.”
    “You still haven’t told them?”
    “It never really came up. I barely made it through high school, working odd jobs after school to make money. No idea what I was saving for; I didn’t go to college. I left home as soon as I could, and no one ever asked.”
    “You still keep in touch with your family?”
    “A phone call at Christmas. That’s about all. Mike is married now, two kids. My sister Laura is engaged. I suppose I’ll have to go home for the wedding, but they’re closer to my parents than I ever was. They were the kids to be proud of. I’m just the younger screw-up brother with shit for brains who can’t do anything but sling traps off the side of a boat.”
    Declan tightened his fingers around Lucas’s. “So you mentioned you did construction for a while and then got into fishing. You were on a lobster boat until last week. Was that the end of the run?”
    Declan could feel Lucas’s hand tensing at the question. The conversation had been flowing so well, he felt he should take the opportunity to ask.
    “I don’t really remember,” Lucas said vaguely.
    “That’s still what you’re going with?” Declan asked. He was trying not to act like a princess in a huff, but the hiding and denials were wearing thin.
    “I told you I don’t remember.”
    “And I think you remember more than you’re saying. You’re not telling me the whole truth. If you’re scared, I understand. I know. It’s scary. I’ve been through something similar. At least, I think I have. I really have no idea because you won’t talk to me.”
    Lucas withdrew his hand, distancing himself both physically and emotionally from Declan.
    “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me,” Declan pressed.
    “I told you that I don’t need your help.”
    “I think you do.”
    “Maybe, to drive me to the doctor and help me change my bandages, but I don’t need your help resolving the situation. There is nothing to resolve.”
    “What’s your grand master plan, then? Stay here until the cast comes off and then head off and try to find some other boat to work on?”
    “Yup. That’s pretty much it.”
    “Well your plan sucks,” Declan said, fully aware he sounded like a petulant teenager who wasn’t getting his way. He couldn’t help it, though. His back was up and he was in defensive mode. When he was in defensive mode, he reverted back to adolescence. He was hurt and he was frustrated. All he wanted was for Lucas to trust him. He’d done everything he could think of to get the guy to do just that. He’d saved his life, stayed with him at the hospital, brought him home, given him food and clothes and a place to stay. He’d assured him that he wanted to find the person or people who had done this to him, but none of it seemed to be enough. It was incredibly frustrating and hurtful.
    “Well, it doesn’t really matter what you think,” Lucas said, his voice becoming quiet. “I’ll only be here a short time, and then you’ll never have to see me again. You can forget you ever met me and everything will go back