Orlie swim club knows I am the girl from the news, so my old coach must know too. Clair lets me go and hands me an envelope with my name on the front. “Can I come in?”
“Sorry, of course. Come in.” I hold the door for her, and she steps into the house. “Come inside and sit.” I hold out my hand and point, gesturing for her to go forward to the living room.
“Open it,” she commands, nodding at the card in my hand. I follow her to the living room.
It’s a miss-you card, signed by my team. The vacuum cleaner drones on downstairs. I scan the signatures but don’t see Zee’s.
My heart sinks, but I sit on the loveseat across from her and smile. “Thanks.”
“We need you back, Sam,” she says.
All I can do is press my lips tight, hold in my fear, and shake my head. She’s here to take me back. I need to stay strong.
“Yes, we do. I do. And you need us, Sam. Swimming is who you are. I know what that’s like. You’ll wilt without it.”
I pretend to listen to her as she presents positive affirmations. I notice the vacuum shut off downstairs. “Remember what you said when I agreed to coach you, bring you on with the Titans? You said that nothing would stop you from trying to be the best.”
I nod as if I’m agreeing but can’t stop my next words.
“Well, I didn’t foresee this whole murder thing.”
She inhales quickly. “Sam. It wasn’t murder. You know that.”
I shrug. “I know,” I tell her, because that’s what she wants to hear. “But you’ve seen the news, right? The story about Alex is everywhere. Everyone in the swim world will know it was me. The Titans don’t need that kind of attention.”
“All of us will stand behind you. Every single member of our team.”
She’s wearing a dark blue Titans polo shirt, capri pants, and a pair of expensive sneakers. I wonder if she ever wears dresses. What her boyfriend looks like. He never comes to the pool or to meets, but rumor has it he exists in real life.
She’s in good shape, but she’s starting to get thick around her waist. I wonder what she looked like when she swam. Will I start getting lumpy in the middle? Right now I’m skinnier than I’ve ever been as a result of losing my appetite, but it’s coming back.
Clair’s mouth keeps moving, but I don’t hear her words. Cold creeps right inside the marrow of my bones and blocks out sound.
“Sam?”
I smile and tilt my head.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to help you. I want to see you back in the pool. You need to be there.”
I nod, but my heart isn’t in it. I watch her face as she struggles to find the right words for me, trying to motivate me, get me back in the pool.
“It’s not even about winning, or a scholarship. Or how hard you’ve worked to get where you are,” she says. “It’s about taking your life back.”
She stands up and tells me a quick story about champions who get going when the going gets tough. And then she leans down and hugs me again.
“I’m so sorry about what happened to you.”
The choice of words surprises me. What happened to me is nothing compared to what happened to Alex.
I stand up and walk her to the front door.
“Getting back in the pool will help you to heal.”
She keeps talking, but I tune her out. What she doesn’t know is that I don’t want to feel better. I don’t want to go on with my life as if nothing happened. Something did happen. Something big.
“Okay?” She smiles, and it changes her face, making her look younger and prettier.
“Sure,” I say, and her grin widens and reaches her eyes. I wonder what the hell I just said to cheer her up.
“Things are really okay?” she asks. “At school? Taylor said the kids are being tough.”
I want to ask her what Zee’s said. “It’s okay. You know,” I say instead.
She hugs me again and heads out. I stare at the closed door.
“You want to go for a walk?” Aunt Allie says. I’m not surprised she’s behind me. I nod while she puts on Fredrick’s
“Sorry, of course. Come in.” I hold the door for her, and she steps into the house. “Come inside and sit.” I hold out my hand and point, gesturing for her to go forward to the living room.
“Open it,” she commands, nodding at the card in my hand. I follow her to the living room.
It’s a miss-you card, signed by my team. The vacuum cleaner drones on downstairs. I scan the signatures but don’t see Zee’s.
My heart sinks, but I sit on the loveseat across from her and smile. “Thanks.”
“We need you back, Sam,” she says.
All I can do is press my lips tight, hold in my fear, and shake my head. She’s here to take me back. I need to stay strong.
“Yes, we do. I do. And you need us, Sam. Swimming is who you are. I know what that’s like. You’ll wilt without it.”
I pretend to listen to her as she presents positive affirmations. I notice the vacuum shut off downstairs. “Remember what you said when I agreed to coach you, bring you on with the Titans? You said that nothing would stop you from trying to be the best.”
I nod as if I’m agreeing but can’t stop my next words.
“Well, I didn’t foresee this whole murder thing.”
She inhales quickly. “Sam. It wasn’t murder. You know that.”
I shrug. “I know,” I tell her, because that’s what she wants to hear. “But you’ve seen the news, right? The story about Alex is everywhere. Everyone in the swim world will know it was me. The Titans don’t need that kind of attention.”
“All of us will stand behind you. Every single member of our team.”
She’s wearing a dark blue Titans polo shirt, capri pants, and a pair of expensive sneakers. I wonder if she ever wears dresses. What her boyfriend looks like. He never comes to the pool or to meets, but rumor has it he exists in real life.
She’s in good shape, but she’s starting to get thick around her waist. I wonder what she looked like when she swam. Will I start getting lumpy in the middle? Right now I’m skinnier than I’ve ever been as a result of losing my appetite, but it’s coming back.
Clair’s mouth keeps moving, but I don’t hear her words. Cold creeps right inside the marrow of my bones and blocks out sound.
“Sam?”
I smile and tilt my head.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to help you. I want to see you back in the pool. You need to be there.”
I nod, but my heart isn’t in it. I watch her face as she struggles to find the right words for me, trying to motivate me, get me back in the pool.
“It’s not even about winning, or a scholarship. Or how hard you’ve worked to get where you are,” she says. “It’s about taking your life back.”
She stands up and tells me a quick story about champions who get going when the going gets tough. And then she leans down and hugs me again.
“I’m so sorry about what happened to you.”
The choice of words surprises me. What happened to me is nothing compared to what happened to Alex.
I stand up and walk her to the front door.
“Getting back in the pool will help you to heal.”
She keeps talking, but I tune her out. What she doesn’t know is that I don’t want to feel better. I don’t want to go on with my life as if nothing happened. Something did happen. Something big.
“Okay?” She smiles, and it changes her face, making her look younger and prettier.
“Sure,” I say, and her grin widens and reaches her eyes. I wonder what the hell I just said to cheer her up.
“Things are really okay?” she asks. “At school? Taylor said the kids are being tough.”
I want to ask her what Zee’s said. “It’s okay. You know,” I say instead.
She hugs me again and heads out. I stare at the closed door.
“You want to go for a walk?” Aunt Allie says. I’m not surprised she’s behind me. I nod while she puts on Fredrick’s
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