after…I knew he was going too fast. All of a sudden, there were blinding lights and the clash of metal…” Asher trailed off, and I saw his shoulders hunch, a palm wiping at one eye. “I should have checked him, made sure he was sober.”
“Asher…” I leapt from the bed, the connections finally forming in my mind. “Asher?” I breathed, my muscles trembling as I watched this tall, strong man, this man that I cared for, this man I’d just given myself to minutes ago, had killed my parents? Was responsible for all the misfortune in my life? From funerals to foster care to Judy and cam shows, and now this ? Now him?
“Evie…” Asher turned, his eyes widened for a moment and he seemed to compose himself. “Evie—”
“No! Don’t you dare! Don’t you ever call me that! Only the boys can call me that! I want my things. I want my stuff. Let me go! Get the money back, whatever you have to do. I can’t stay here with…with my parents’ murderer,” I seethed and spun, launching myself out of his bedroom.
Eve!” Asher called, and his hands were on my shoulders, turning me to him in the dark hallway. I shook my head when he backed me against the wall next to my bedroom door. “No.” I shook my head, tears finally spilling as I felt the fight deflate from my body. I was only so strong. I could only put up with so much, and this, this had pushed me over the edge.
“I’m so sorry, Eve. I’m so, so fucking sorry. I’ve been sorry every day since then, and I’ll be sorry every day for the rest of my life. But you don’t understand. I’ve tried to make it up to you. Tried to take care of you. If I had known that foster home was so terrible, that they were making you do awful things…but I thought you were at least being taken care of, at least having a childhood.” He sped through his explanation, his breathing ragged as I struggled to hear him over the freight train in my ears.
“Please understand me, Eve. I bought you that night because I’d been waiting for you. I saw Judy going to that warehouse in the weeks leading up to your birthday, I knew what she had planned and I knew I had to save you from it. I did my best to keep track of you, and I knew the day you turned eighteen, I would be there. I would do what I could to make it up to you. I loved you even then, Eve, in my heart. When I said I would take care of you for a lifetime, I meant it. Please know that I meant it, and I still do.” His hands clasped my cheeks as he forced me to train my eyes on his. I swallowed the swords that clogged my throat, feeling my muscles weaken with exhaustion.
“I don’t know what to think,” I said, needing the night, or many of them, to think on my feelings. This changed the game. He’d changed the game. But really, it’d been his game all along, hadn’t it? He’d orchestrated all of this, starting with the night he’d gotten in that car and collided with my parents. “I don’t know why you think I’d ever want anything from you. Don’t you think you’ve taken enough from me? You don’t need my dignity,” I bit out and then darted beneath his imposing arm, sliding past the doorway to my room and then locking it instantly, sliding down on my ass to the floor, head in my hands as I thought about the man I was just beginning to think I could love.
Love seemed so far-fetched now. Could I even stand to look at him anymore?
His heavy steps padded sadly down the hallway, the soft groan of the stairs as he took them a few at a time a reminder of the shame he’d carried in all the years since then.
One thing I knew for sure, he’d been just as crushed by the death of my parents as I had, albeit in a totally different way. I was his absolution.
sixteen
Asher
I woke the next morning with a raging migraine and a broken heart that felt like it’d been cleaved into a thousand tiny pieces. I’d drifted off in my office last night after digging through all the old newspaper reports
“Asher…” I leapt from the bed, the connections finally forming in my mind. “Asher?” I breathed, my muscles trembling as I watched this tall, strong man, this man that I cared for, this man I’d just given myself to minutes ago, had killed my parents? Was responsible for all the misfortune in my life? From funerals to foster care to Judy and cam shows, and now this ? Now him?
“Evie…” Asher turned, his eyes widened for a moment and he seemed to compose himself. “Evie—”
“No! Don’t you dare! Don’t you ever call me that! Only the boys can call me that! I want my things. I want my stuff. Let me go! Get the money back, whatever you have to do. I can’t stay here with…with my parents’ murderer,” I seethed and spun, launching myself out of his bedroom.
Eve!” Asher called, and his hands were on my shoulders, turning me to him in the dark hallway. I shook my head when he backed me against the wall next to my bedroom door. “No.” I shook my head, tears finally spilling as I felt the fight deflate from my body. I was only so strong. I could only put up with so much, and this, this had pushed me over the edge.
“I’m so sorry, Eve. I’m so, so fucking sorry. I’ve been sorry every day since then, and I’ll be sorry every day for the rest of my life. But you don’t understand. I’ve tried to make it up to you. Tried to take care of you. If I had known that foster home was so terrible, that they were making you do awful things…but I thought you were at least being taken care of, at least having a childhood.” He sped through his explanation, his breathing ragged as I struggled to hear him over the freight train in my ears.
“Please understand me, Eve. I bought you that night because I’d been waiting for you. I saw Judy going to that warehouse in the weeks leading up to your birthday, I knew what she had planned and I knew I had to save you from it. I did my best to keep track of you, and I knew the day you turned eighteen, I would be there. I would do what I could to make it up to you. I loved you even then, Eve, in my heart. When I said I would take care of you for a lifetime, I meant it. Please know that I meant it, and I still do.” His hands clasped my cheeks as he forced me to train my eyes on his. I swallowed the swords that clogged my throat, feeling my muscles weaken with exhaustion.
“I don’t know what to think,” I said, needing the night, or many of them, to think on my feelings. This changed the game. He’d changed the game. But really, it’d been his game all along, hadn’t it? He’d orchestrated all of this, starting with the night he’d gotten in that car and collided with my parents. “I don’t know why you think I’d ever want anything from you. Don’t you think you’ve taken enough from me? You don’t need my dignity,” I bit out and then darted beneath his imposing arm, sliding past the doorway to my room and then locking it instantly, sliding down on my ass to the floor, head in my hands as I thought about the man I was just beginning to think I could love.
Love seemed so far-fetched now. Could I even stand to look at him anymore?
His heavy steps padded sadly down the hallway, the soft groan of the stairs as he took them a few at a time a reminder of the shame he’d carried in all the years since then.
One thing I knew for sure, he’d been just as crushed by the death of my parents as I had, albeit in a totally different way. I was his absolution.
sixteen
Asher
I woke the next morning with a raging migraine and a broken heart that felt like it’d been cleaved into a thousand tiny pieces. I’d drifted off in my office last night after digging through all the old newspaper reports
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