close.
"So
what’s up?"
"I
got some interesting mail yesterday. First, I got a letter from that school in Texas. I was accepted! It’s a really big deal, you know."
"So
you’re going then?" That thought was like a knife in his gut.
"Hold
on, I’m not finished. I did a little research and found out something I
hadn’t realized. That conservatory is crazy expensive. They offered me a
scholarship, but a pretty small one. Everyone there is that good. To attend
would cost me thirty thousand dollars…a year. I could buy a small house
for the cost of that four years of tuition. Sean, there’s no way I want
to go into that kind of debt. Classical musicians don’t get paid that well. I would be making payments until I die. I’m honored to be accepted,
but I’m not going to Texas. That’s where the other letter I got
comes in. I was accepted to state months ago. But they just informed me that
they’re giving me a free ride. Think about it, Sean. College I
don’t have to pay a cent for. They’re covering tuition, housing,
even books, just so long as I pursue a double reed performance major there and
keep my grades up. There’s no way I can turn that down. I’m going
to state."
He
relaxed, relieved she would be staying close. "That’s great, baby.
I’m glad your answer was so clear. I wanted you to go to Texas, because it would be good for you, but I’m not sorry you’ll be nearby."
Conflicting thoughts crowded his mind and one burst out before he had time to
reflect on it. "Erin, do you still want us to…stay together while
you’re in college?"
Her
mouth dropped open at the unexpected question. "Yes, don’t
you?"
"Of
course."
"Why
are you asking this?" There was a hint of desperation in her voice. "I
thought we were forever."
"That
was my intention, my desire."
"Was?"
He could see she didn’t like the sound of that at all.
"Is,
Erin. Calm down. It is my intention. I just had to be sure you
still…wanted this, now that there isn’t going to be a baby, and
you’re going away to school, and all."
"Sean,
I love you. I plan to spend as much time with you as possible, even though I
won’t be living here anymore. Once I finish that degree, I’m coming
right back here to you, if you’ll still have me."
"What
will you do here?"
"Play
in the symphony and teach oboe and maybe bassoon lessons."
"What
about your career?"
"That
is my career. That’s what I want."
"I
pictured you in some high powered program, maybe in New York or L.A., traveling, making recordings, all that stuff."
"No,
I never needed to be famous. I just want to play my instrument. And be with
you, of course. That sounds like a perfect life to me."
Sean
didn’t argue with her that such small dreams were a waste of her
considerable talent. After the miscarriage, he had done some serious thinking.
His father had told him not to let her give up her life for romance, and these
achievements only confirmed it. She was the best, a truly high caliber
musician. He loved Erin too much to hold her back forever. She needed to live
her dreams in a big way, and he would not stand in the way of that. She
didn’t realize she needed it yet, but would discover that later, when her
accomplishments started piling up. And when that time came, he would try very
hard to let her go graciously. It was what she needed to do, and he loved her
too much to keep her in this small town with so few opportunities. He had been
blessed to have known Erin, loved and held her, for this short time, and he
would make the most of every moment.
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