When I Look to the Sky by Barbara S Stewart

of respect for her privacy. Her dad never went there, but Andy did. He would always ask her if she wanted to go with him, and she always said yes. She loved being with him. Saying a prayer, she kissed her fingers and touched the headstone, got back in the car and continued on to the school.
     
    Carlee missed her mama every day. It had been fourteen years since she passed away. She was almost five, and she remembered how her mama loved her, ‘sweet girl’ she always called her. She remembered how pretty she was; petite with reddish hair, and when she was younger, Carlee would look in the mirror and try to see her mama in her own reflection. Nanny told her she looked more like her dad, but she had Beth’s heart and her passion. From what she knew, Carlee thought that was a good thing. She remembered the sound of her laughter, and it made her smile when she heard it in her mind. And although she tried not to, she remembered her being sick. She missed getting to know her in person, but she felt that she did know her. She knew her heart anyway, because of the book… because of her family.
    Mostly she remembered how Andy grieved. It wasn’t sad grief, it was lonely grief. He loved her mama; he was ‘in love with her’ , he’d told Carlee. ‘There’s a difference’, and he didn’t hesitate to show that emotion. He didn’t hide it, he shared it. He talked to her about his Bethy, the affectionate name he had given her early in their relationship. He shared things that others didn’t, maybe because they were his memories. Carlee knew that he saw her as a link to her mama, but she saw him in that same light. She knew he went on dates, she knew about him and Adaleigh, but she also knew that he never got over her mama. There hadn’t really been anyone else in his life, but her.
    S he missed her dad too, but he’d left a different void in her life. She knew he loved her, she just couldn’t figure him out. At first, she was too young to try. She just knew that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t make him happy, couldn’t get close to him. As she got older it all started to make sense, but it didn’t make it easier. He was always just out of her reach, and he died before he really got to know her.
     
    With Andy, Carlee grew up with privilege. She attended private school where most of the students came from families with money, but not like Carlee. She had friends, but she knew most of them were only around because of ‘who she was’, or who they thought she was. She sought out only those who were genuine; and kept to herself, unless it was her family.
    Most of her classmates knew the story. She would receive a trust fund from Beth’s estate when she turned twenty-five. When her dad died, there was a life insurance policy that went to her, as well as the money from the sale of the house she had shared with him. 
    Andy made sure she wasn’t spoiled, but none of her school friends knew that. They only knew what they thought they knew. She didn’t flaunt what she had. She was simple and low-key, loved to shop at thrift stores and was, in her words, ‘an eclectic mess, that always looked cute.’ She received an allowance, and asked for what she wanted if it was beyond what she received.
     
    ~ ~ ~
     
    Graduation… she thought it would never get here. She parked the car and entered the auditorium at six; the procession began at 6:30. She stopped to pick up her cap and gown, along with the gold drape she would wear to signify that she was graduating with honors, as well as her Associate in Arts degree. She doubled up her junior and senior year to complete the curriculum, and would receive both diplomas as she graduated from Brighton Prep.
    Lining up with her classmates, the procession to the auditorium began. As they entered , she saw them. To the left of the stage, where the graduates would receive their diplomas, sat the whole big group of people she called her family. She waved and blew kisses to them.