Sunday morning. The irony that I prayed to a naked man in bondage was not lost on me. She came early so she could wash the dishes, which were always piled in the sink. “What your mother puts you boys through,” she said, shaking her head and scraping dried spaghetti out of a pot.
I helped Keefer get ready because my grandma forced us to wear suits to church. They were hideous and matching; so uninspiring that I couldn’t even trick my mind into believing I was at the Church of Scientology in Hollywood, where I went to be one with Xenu and Tom Cruise’s dick.
My grandma got so involved in cleaning the house that she lost track of time. When Keef and I were dressed, I sat in the living room, staring at the clock, hoping she’d forget and we’d be so late she’d be too embarrassed to go.
When she saw the time on the stove, she started yelling loud enough that Ray moaned from the bedroom, the bedsprings creaking as he turned over. “We’re late!” she gasped. “Why didn’t you tell me what time it was?” She came flying into the living room in her Sunday best and yellow rubber gloves. She didn’t stop shouting, “We’re late!” until Ray threw a shoe at the door to shut her up. She was like a robo-nun gone haywire. Her rosary was steaming.
When we got in the car, my grandma sped out of the driveway and down the street. Every other time she drove she went ten miles an hour and prayed the entire time, but when she was late for church, the skin on our faces peeled back.
Keefer didn’t mind church. He pretended to read the Bible upside down. At least he was more attentive than me; I just stared at Jesus, naked on the cross. He was the first man I ever had a crush on, even before Tobey Field. There was something about him—his face was so peaceful, even though he was in so much pain. He was the perfect submissive. If I had been Saint Veronica, I would have let him use my veil to wipe away his sweat and then sucked on it.
Keefer once asked me what heaven was, and I didn’t know what to tell him, so I said it was “somewhere in the sky.”
“Oh,” he said, nodding. “But what is heaven?”
“How do I know?” I snapped, but he looked at me the way he would sometimes—like he thought I knew everything. “Well,” I sighed, “I guess heaven is kind of like a fairy tale. You know how at the end of a fairy tale they say, ‘and they lived happily ever after’?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I think maybe that’s what heaven is. I think heaven is sort of like happily ever after.”
But this is not a fairy tale.
When my grandma dropped me and Keefer off after church, my mom and Ray were fighting.
There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.
I went down to my room and put on the ruby slippers I’d stolen from the props department. I clicked my heels, hoping they’d work like reverse magic and take me away to Oz, my real home, where everyone is fabulous and freaky and sings catchy songs.
They didn’t work. I could still hear the fighting which was so loud that Stoned Hairspray was hiding in the dryer. I took off the shoes and opened my door to go upstairs and get Keefer because I didn’t want him hearing any more than he had to. But he was already sitting on the bottom step of the basement looking up at me.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, and his face lit up as he nodded.
We snuck out my window and went to the Day-n-Nite. Angela was there, sitting in our back booth. Keef and I went to sit with her, even though I wasn’t sure if she wanted us to. She’d been ignoring my texts since I told her I was leaving town and was rarely at school. Angela always tried to hurt you before you could hurt her. She was very competitive about that kind of thing.
She didn’t smile when Keef and I slid into the booth, but she didn’t get up and leave either. A part of me regretted having told her. Maybe it would’ve been best if I had just left, if I was just another name
I helped Keefer get ready because my grandma forced us to wear suits to church. They were hideous and matching; so uninspiring that I couldn’t even trick my mind into believing I was at the Church of Scientology in Hollywood, where I went to be one with Xenu and Tom Cruise’s dick.
My grandma got so involved in cleaning the house that she lost track of time. When Keef and I were dressed, I sat in the living room, staring at the clock, hoping she’d forget and we’d be so late she’d be too embarrassed to go.
When she saw the time on the stove, she started yelling loud enough that Ray moaned from the bedroom, the bedsprings creaking as he turned over. “We’re late!” she gasped. “Why didn’t you tell me what time it was?” She came flying into the living room in her Sunday best and yellow rubber gloves. She didn’t stop shouting, “We’re late!” until Ray threw a shoe at the door to shut her up. She was like a robo-nun gone haywire. Her rosary was steaming.
When we got in the car, my grandma sped out of the driveway and down the street. Every other time she drove she went ten miles an hour and prayed the entire time, but when she was late for church, the skin on our faces peeled back.
Keefer didn’t mind church. He pretended to read the Bible upside down. At least he was more attentive than me; I just stared at Jesus, naked on the cross. He was the first man I ever had a crush on, even before Tobey Field. There was something about him—his face was so peaceful, even though he was in so much pain. He was the perfect submissive. If I had been Saint Veronica, I would have let him use my veil to wipe away his sweat and then sucked on it.
Keefer once asked me what heaven was, and I didn’t know what to tell him, so I said it was “somewhere in the sky.”
“Oh,” he said, nodding. “But what is heaven?”
“How do I know?” I snapped, but he looked at me the way he would sometimes—like he thought I knew everything. “Well,” I sighed, “I guess heaven is kind of like a fairy tale. You know how at the end of a fairy tale they say, ‘and they lived happily ever after’?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I think maybe that’s what heaven is. I think heaven is sort of like happily ever after.”
But this is not a fairy tale.
When my grandma dropped me and Keefer off after church, my mom and Ray were fighting.
There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.
I went down to my room and put on the ruby slippers I’d stolen from the props department. I clicked my heels, hoping they’d work like reverse magic and take me away to Oz, my real home, where everyone is fabulous and freaky and sings catchy songs.
They didn’t work. I could still hear the fighting which was so loud that Stoned Hairspray was hiding in the dryer. I took off the shoes and opened my door to go upstairs and get Keefer because I didn’t want him hearing any more than he had to. But he was already sitting on the bottom step of the basement looking up at me.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, and his face lit up as he nodded.
We snuck out my window and went to the Day-n-Nite. Angela was there, sitting in our back booth. Keef and I went to sit with her, even though I wasn’t sure if she wanted us to. She’d been ignoring my texts since I told her I was leaving town and was rarely at school. Angela always tried to hurt you before you could hurt her. She was very competitive about that kind of thing.
She didn’t smile when Keef and I slid into the booth, but she didn’t get up and leave either. A part of me regretted having told her. Maybe it would’ve been best if I had just left, if I was just another name
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