âJim!â And I say, âWhat?â And she detonates, but I still donât know what Iâve done.â
âWhat did you do?â
âWhat did he do?â said City. âHe wasnât paying attention!â
âBut it was a touchdown,â said Serge.
âSo footballâs more important than his wife?â said Country.
âBut it was the tying score,â said Coleman.
âItâs just a stupid game,â said City. âHe needs to keep his eyes on the bowl at all times.â
Serge scoffed. âItâs not like heâs capturing a rattlesnake.â
âItâs worse!â said City. âItâs symbolic of his disrespect for her contributions to their union.â
Jim sagged against the table. âThatâs what Martha said.â
âWhat about the explaining?â asked Serge.
âShe said if I really wanted to see the touchdown, I could have stopped going.â
âBut you canât stop the stream,â said Serge.
âYes he could have,â said City.
âItâs impossible,â said Coleman.
âNo itâs not,â said Country. âMen just donât want to make the commitment.â
Serge shook his head and turned back to Jim. âYou were saying?â
âSo then I tried explaining that it was no big deal, meaning if there were any drops, I could quickly wipe them up, but she took it to mean that all her hard work keeping the house nice was no big deal.â
âThatâs an easy one,â said Serge. âWith women, you donât get to pick the meaning of what you mean. They do. All men understand this.â
âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â said Country.
âIt means that when youâre arguing, you have to watch your words carefully.â
âYou just donât respect women,â said City.
âThatâs not what I meant,â said Serge.
âDonât try to take back what you said!â
Serge sighed. âI think weâve made a breakthrough. Up to now, the division between the sexes was this: liking and not liking the Three Stooges. Who would have thought it was actually touchdowns and peeing?â
Country offered the whiskey bottle. âAnother round, Jim?â
He shook his head. âBetter not on an empty stomach.â
Serge slapped his forehead. âWhereâs our hospitality? The first guest to our new family castle and we havenât offered him anything . . . Coleman, get him something to eat.â
âLike what?â
âAnything.â Serge stood. âCountry, come with me. I want to show you something. Iâm taking Christmas big!â
They left the table and walked around the corner.
A half hour passed.
âSerge? . . .â said Coleman. âSerge, where are you?â He walked through the kitchen. âSerge? . . .â
He turned down the hall and stopped. There they were beneath the mistletoe. Serge and Country, buck naked on the hardwood floor humping their brains out.
â . . . Yes! . . . Faster! . . .â Countryâs teeth gnashed. â . . . Harder! Fuck it harder! . . .â
âSerge,â said Coleman, âI thought you were just supposed to kiss beneath the mistletoe.â
Serge looked up and smiled. âIâm taking Christmas big! . . . Why are you interrupting us?â
âItâs Jim,â said Coleman. âI think we might have a problem.â
Chapter Nine
MR. DAVENPORT
Serge jumped up. âWhatâs the matter with Jim? What kind of problem?â
Coleman pointed back in the general direction of the living room. âYou need to come see.â
Serge zipped up some shorts. âCountry, donât move. Iâll be right back.â
Coleman led the way. âHeâs in here.â
The pair approached the living room. âWhatâs that music?â said Serge. âIt
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