What She Left Behind
loved ones’ absence, even though they were physically still of this earth. How difficult it must have been to question what went wrong, to stay awake night after night, wondering if there was something they could have done. She wondered if the Willard inmates’ loved ones were sideswiped by their family members’ descent into madness, or if they had seen it coming all along. Either way, the thought of entire lives lost—family celebrations, Christmases and birthdays, love affairs and bedtime stories, weddings and high school graduations—because of a misfire or unexplained chaos inside a person’s brain, made her chest constrict. It wasn’t fair.
    By noon, they’d only gone through fifteen suitcases, and Izzy was beginning to realize that the project was going to take a lot longer than she thought. At this rate, she’d be spending six or seven days working beside Ethan. Would it be too obvious if she asked to help Harry instead? And yet, if she was being honest, the thought of spending more time with Ethan sent a flutter of excitement across her stomach. Being this close to him made her feel as if she hadn’t slept or eaten in days. Her legs felt weak, her head woozy. It was exhausting, irritating, and wonderful all at the same time. What the hell is wrong with me? she thought.
    Thankfully, when it came time to take a break, Peg asked Izzy if she wanted to sit outside for lunch. She’d packed a cooler with sandwiches and they could eat in the shade beneath the oak trees, in the wide swath of grass next to the parking lot. Peter, Ethan, and the rest of the guys were going to drive to the nearest McDonald’s to get Quarter Pounders and milk shakes. Normally, Izzy would have wanted to go too, because eating out while in foster homes was a rare treat, even if it was a fast-food place. But this time Izzy was relieved to stay behind, to get some peace and quiet, some space and time away from Ethan. Then she heard Peg talking to the others and her stomach tightened.
    “Oh no!” Peg said. “I’ve packed enough food for everyone! I’ve got ham and cheese sandwiches, macaroni salad, hummus and pita bread, potato chips, watermelon, iced tea, and lemonade. There are extra blankets and folding chairs in the trunk of the car. Come on, it’ll be fun!”
    “Sorry, guys,” Harry said, grinning. “My wife has a thing about feeding people.”
    Peter and the other men laughed and agreed to stay. They headed to Peg’s car to unload the chairs. Peg turned to Izzy.
    “Can you give me a hand with the food?” she said.
    “Sure,” Izzy said, groaning inside. Leave it to Peg to take care of everyone, she thought. Working with Ethan was one thing, now she had to have lunch with him? The last few minutes before it was time to take a break she’d been starting to get hungry, her stomach growling so loud she was sure everyone heard it. Now, her stomach roiled with a strange mixture of elation and dread.
    Everyone gathered beneath a row of thick-trunked oak trees, the men setting up folding chairs, Peg and Izzy spreading out a blanket and organizing the food on a foldout table. The men formed a line and Peg poured drinks and scooped macaroni salad onto paper plates while Izzy pulled sandwiches out of the cooler and handed out snack-sized bags of chips. When she saw Ethan next in line, she kept her eyes on her work, hoping he was going to sit far away. She held out a sandwich, pretending to search in a grocery sack for a bag of chips, and felt his fingers brush hers. At first, she ignored it. Then she handed him a bag of chips and he grabbed her hand and the bag at the same time, crushing the chips between their fingers. She looked up.
    “Oh, sorry,” he said, grinning. “It’s hard to see when you’re not looking.” She tried to pull away but he wouldn’t let go. “Thank you for the sandwich,” he said, “and the chips.”
    She rolled her eyes. “Can I have my hand back?” she said.
    “Thank you for the service with a

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