Exhales. Inhales. Lowers himself a little more. The head of my cock breaches him, and my breath hitches. Fuck , he’s tight.
He doesn’t move. Eyes shut tight, lips apart, he’s still for several seconds before he lifts off and comes down again. This time, he takes me deeper, but every inch is a challenge. Despite being in control, he’s still painfully tight—I can’t imagine it’s comfortable for him. That taut grimace all but shouts that it’s not.
“Michael, are—”
“I can’t.” The words are strangled, almost a sob. “Fuck, I—”
“It’s okay. It’s okay. We don’t have to.”
He lifts himself off me, and I exhale as my cock slides out. A shudder runs through him that sends a chill through me, and he releases a choked, panicked sound.
“Easy.” I embrace him gently and guide him down to the bed. Holy fuck, he’s shaking. “Michael?”
“I can’t. I’m…” He shudders hard. “I’m sorry. I’m—”
“Shh.” I press a soft kiss to his forehead. “Just breathe for a minute.”
He’s breathing, but way too fast, so I hold him close and remind him over and over to breathe, that I’m here, that he’s safe and no one will hurt him. All the while, I silently curse Steve. Wherever he is now, I hope to God he’s alone and miserable, that he hasn’t gotten his hands on anyone else.
Eventually, Michael exhales, and the shaking slows. “Jesus. I’m sorry.”
You’re not the one who should be sorry.
“You all right?”
He nods, and as I carefully release him, he settles on his back. “I guess I wasn’t ready for that after all.” He stares up at the ceiling. “Weird. Everything’s fine, and then suddenly it’s not.” He’s breathing more steadily now, but his heart’s still going a hundred miles an hour.
“We can go slower.”
“Question is, how slow?” He turns to me and scowls. “I mean, the thought of you fucking me has had me so turned on all day, I couldn’t concentrate at work. Didn’t raise any red flags in my head. Didn’t make me feel panicky or anything. I just…wanted it. But then when we tried…”
I grimace and kiss his cheek. This really is going to be a minefield, isn’t it?
Michael sighs. “I don’t know what will be a problem and what won’t. For all I know, you could fuck me into oblivion, tie me up, slap my ass, and I’ll be fine, but then one kiss in the wrong place, and I’ll fall apart.” He combs through his hair with shaky fingers. “What the fuck is the matter with me?”
“Nothing’s the matter with you. You’ve been through hell. That’s going to leave—”
“It’s been five years .” He rubs his eyes. “Damn it. After the other night, and talking to Dr. Hamilton on the phone today, I felt good about everything, you know? Felt like I could handle anything. But I should’ve listened to you. When you hesitated.”
“You didn’t know what was going to happen. We’ll get there, Michael.”
“Do you know how frustrating that is?” He covers his face with his hands, then lets them drop onto the bed. “I wasn’t this wound up when I was a virgin.”
“Of course you weren’t.” I touch his arm, and when he doesn’t recoil, I move my hand to the middle of his chest. “Nobody had hurt you then.”
He closes his eyes and shudders.
“Nobody’s going to hurt you now,” I go on, “but it’ll take time for your mind to catch up with that. I’ll wait as long as it takes.”
He sighs. Neither of us says anything for a while. Eventually, Michael breaks the silence. “Can I ask you something kind of weird?”
“Sure.”
He opens his eyes and stares unfocused up at the ceiling. It takes him a good thirty seconds to finally ask, “When did you know Steve was…”
“An asshole?”
“Yeah. That.”
“Why?”
Michael shrugs. “Just curious.” He turns toward me. “I guess I’m trying to figure out how long I was the clueless idiot in the gilded cage.”
“You weren’t an idiot, Michael. He
He doesn’t move. Eyes shut tight, lips apart, he’s still for several seconds before he lifts off and comes down again. This time, he takes me deeper, but every inch is a challenge. Despite being in control, he’s still painfully tight—I can’t imagine it’s comfortable for him. That taut grimace all but shouts that it’s not.
“Michael, are—”
“I can’t.” The words are strangled, almost a sob. “Fuck, I—”
“It’s okay. It’s okay. We don’t have to.”
He lifts himself off me, and I exhale as my cock slides out. A shudder runs through him that sends a chill through me, and he releases a choked, panicked sound.
“Easy.” I embrace him gently and guide him down to the bed. Holy fuck, he’s shaking. “Michael?”
“I can’t. I’m…” He shudders hard. “I’m sorry. I’m—”
“Shh.” I press a soft kiss to his forehead. “Just breathe for a minute.”
He’s breathing, but way too fast, so I hold him close and remind him over and over to breathe, that I’m here, that he’s safe and no one will hurt him. All the while, I silently curse Steve. Wherever he is now, I hope to God he’s alone and miserable, that he hasn’t gotten his hands on anyone else.
Eventually, Michael exhales, and the shaking slows. “Jesus. I’m sorry.”
You’re not the one who should be sorry.
“You all right?”
He nods, and as I carefully release him, he settles on his back. “I guess I wasn’t ready for that after all.” He stares up at the ceiling. “Weird. Everything’s fine, and then suddenly it’s not.” He’s breathing more steadily now, but his heart’s still going a hundred miles an hour.
“We can go slower.”
“Question is, how slow?” He turns to me and scowls. “I mean, the thought of you fucking me has had me so turned on all day, I couldn’t concentrate at work. Didn’t raise any red flags in my head. Didn’t make me feel panicky or anything. I just…wanted it. But then when we tried…”
I grimace and kiss his cheek. This really is going to be a minefield, isn’t it?
Michael sighs. “I don’t know what will be a problem and what won’t. For all I know, you could fuck me into oblivion, tie me up, slap my ass, and I’ll be fine, but then one kiss in the wrong place, and I’ll fall apart.” He combs through his hair with shaky fingers. “What the fuck is the matter with me?”
“Nothing’s the matter with you. You’ve been through hell. That’s going to leave—”
“It’s been five years .” He rubs his eyes. “Damn it. After the other night, and talking to Dr. Hamilton on the phone today, I felt good about everything, you know? Felt like I could handle anything. But I should’ve listened to you. When you hesitated.”
“You didn’t know what was going to happen. We’ll get there, Michael.”
“Do you know how frustrating that is?” He covers his face with his hands, then lets them drop onto the bed. “I wasn’t this wound up when I was a virgin.”
“Of course you weren’t.” I touch his arm, and when he doesn’t recoil, I move my hand to the middle of his chest. “Nobody had hurt you then.”
He closes his eyes and shudders.
“Nobody’s going to hurt you now,” I go on, “but it’ll take time for your mind to catch up with that. I’ll wait as long as it takes.”
He sighs. Neither of us says anything for a while. Eventually, Michael breaks the silence. “Can I ask you something kind of weird?”
“Sure.”
He opens his eyes and stares unfocused up at the ceiling. It takes him a good thirty seconds to finally ask, “When did you know Steve was…”
“An asshole?”
“Yeah. That.”
“Why?”
Michael shrugs. “Just curious.” He turns toward me. “I guess I’m trying to figure out how long I was the clueless idiot in the gilded cage.”
“You weren’t an idiot, Michael. He
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