What Do You Do With a Chocolate Jesus?
society.”
     
    Jesus seemed to agree.
     
“Do not lay up for yourself treasures on earth…but lay up for yourself treasures in heaven.” [Matt. 6:19–20]
     
    In other words, don’t sweat about money. There’s no toll for getting through the gates of heaven. At least, they don’t want cash.
    Jesus on Justice
     
    Another area where Jesus seems at odds with today’s conservative Christians is law and order. They’re both supposed to be tough on crime, right? Well, here’s the way Matthew has Jesus handling bad guys:
     
“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist one who is evil. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also…” [Matt. 5:38–39]
     
    Scholars point out that this isn’t just about letting somebody slug you. When a person slaps your face, they usually do it forehand. By turning your cheek, you force the offender to backhand you—a despicably weak act. It’s how a brute strikes a woman or a cruel master his slave. It turns the offender from a person of power into a slime bag. Unfortunately, it still means you get smacked in the kisser, twice, while the other guy keeps all his teeth. And that’s a problem because some people don’t realize that they’re slime bags.
    But Jesus knows that violence begets violence. Retaliation has been the standard response to injury since we started clobbering each other around black monoliths. Not responding to an attack and letting God handle the punishment is what frees you from this vicious circle, even if it doesn’t free you from a broken jaw.
    According to Matthew 5:38 , Christians are not supposed to fight evil. They’re not even supposed to resist one who is evil. By rejecting “eye for an eye,” Jesus rejects vengeance-based justice, and that includes capital punishment. Your job is to be good; it’s not to punish evil. Punishment requires passing judgment , and you’re supposed to leave that up to God:
     
“Judge not, that you shall not be judged.” [Matt 7:1]
     
    Following this rule is tougher than you think. Never judge anyone? How would you decide who to hire, or convict, or marry, or vote for? What would Simon Cowell do for a living?
    Then there’s another interesting rule, which Jesus tells a crowd in Jerusalem when they want to stone a prostitute as the law prescribes:
     
“Let him who is without sin among you cast the first stone.” [John 8:7]
     
    By this standard, only Jesus or Mary could execute anyone, which means there really can’t be any executions. Which seems to be the point. Jesus appears to want a world without executions. Judgment is coming soon and God can dish out the punishment without any human assistance, thank you very much.
    To execute someone, even if they deserve it, isn’t taking Jesus’ advice—which is to walk the straight and narrow and never you mind making judgments about life and death. That’s God’s job. Even a skeptic can understand this.
    Ironically, many of the folks who purport to take the New Testament literally have a hard time sticking by this revolutionary rule. They love to judge, despite the clear example in Scripture of how dangerous this can be. Jesus himself was wrongly judged, and executed, and he didn’t lift a finger to save himself. Instead, he stuck to his principles and took it like a savior. Aren’t his followers supposed to emulate him?
    We sometimes hear that Christians can avoid judging if they “love the sinner and hate only the sin.” But the folks who say this don’t often distinguish between the two. Case in point: Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. You’re telling me evangelicals actually loved President Bubba and only hated the blow job?
    Jesus wasn’t the first to come up with this idea, by the way. Four centuries earlier, Socrates said, “So, we should never take revenge and never hurt anyone, even if we have been hurt.” He goes on to say, “It is never

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