kind of pressure on you in this relationship and...I'm just...just really, really sorry." I felt a sob beginning to bubble up in my chest. I had to consciously stop myself from hyperventilating. The only thing saving me was the distant thunder of a storm somewhere out over the gulf. After a particularly loud clap, I cleared my throat and went on, unsure, "I just....I just never had anyone to talk to because everyone in my life is a jerk and I got scared. I'm still scared. Scared to keep you in my life but scared to lose you too. These past few days have been torture. I honestly thought I'd never see you again and I missed you so much. I'm so mortified at my own behavior. I can't imagine what you must think of me. Truthfully, I don't want to know. I'm just so sorry. I hope you'll forgive me. I'd really like to be friends."
I didn't realize that's what I wanted, what I craved, and why I'd missed him so much until it came out of my mouth, but it was true. I wanted, no, needed a friend desperately. I longed so much for someone, anyone in my life to care about me that the second Teddy showed an ounce I went nuts. Like people who are starving and get a meager piece of bread thinking it's a feast. Teddy was giving me scraps, I knew it, but it was so much better than anything I'd ever gotten before and I couldn't bear to think of him taking those away, too.
CHAPTER SIX
Teddy
When she'd told me to go, it sounded like she meant it, but something in those sad eyes made me think there was still hope. I couldn’t give up on her or I’d be just like everyone else in her life. So I waited for her to come back, not knowing if she would. I waited for three entire days. I couldn't go back home - back to my parents' monstrously huge house, and my family's daily, extravagances. Not after seeing Charley's hovel. The thought of going back made me feel physically dirty, like I was swimming in a vat of motor oil. I couldn't go to any of my friends; I wasn't ready for that yet. I definitely wasn't calling you. You'd be the last person on Earth who would understand, and I was sure you’d say or do something that we’d both regret in the morning. Frankly, the thought of an easy lay wasn’t appealing anymore, and I almost couldn’t believe my repulsion of it.
Charley, in the span of a month and a half, changed the trajectory of my life. I thought with such unparalleled clarity during those three days while I ate junk food and slept in my car near the beach. She was the single bravest person I’d ever met. To be even half the person she deserved I had to man the fuck up. I finally decided that I didn't want to work for the family business. I wanted to travel. Maybe become a doctor. Charley gave me a purpose and I knew that I wanted to share it with her. My purpose and my future. I wanted her to see all that she made me. That meant she had to let me see her.
At first, I wanted to respect her request: I was going to leave her alone, but that wasn't going to happen now. I needed to feel her near me again and tell her all of the grand plans I came up with in her absence. More than that, I wanted to finally claim her as mine. So, I waited at the beach. I went early every day and stayed late every night waiting. It'd been three days and I gave up on her coming to me. I wasn't going to give up necessarily, but was going to change my approach in finding her when there she was.
She looked so awful and pretty arriving on the beach. I could tell she'd been crying; she wore it in her posture, the way she kept her head and eyes downcast. She looked like she was wearing something different. My tee shirt. Hope. She was wearing hope for me.The look she gave me when she saw me was one of, what? Elation? Relief? Did she have hope? I couldn't
I didn't realize that's what I wanted, what I craved, and why I'd missed him so much until it came out of my mouth, but it was true. I wanted, no, needed a friend desperately. I longed so much for someone, anyone in my life to care about me that the second Teddy showed an ounce I went nuts. Like people who are starving and get a meager piece of bread thinking it's a feast. Teddy was giving me scraps, I knew it, but it was so much better than anything I'd ever gotten before and I couldn't bear to think of him taking those away, too.
CHAPTER SIX
Teddy
When she'd told me to go, it sounded like she meant it, but something in those sad eyes made me think there was still hope. I couldn’t give up on her or I’d be just like everyone else in her life. So I waited for her to come back, not knowing if she would. I waited for three entire days. I couldn't go back home - back to my parents' monstrously huge house, and my family's daily, extravagances. Not after seeing Charley's hovel. The thought of going back made me feel physically dirty, like I was swimming in a vat of motor oil. I couldn't go to any of my friends; I wasn't ready for that yet. I definitely wasn't calling you. You'd be the last person on Earth who would understand, and I was sure you’d say or do something that we’d both regret in the morning. Frankly, the thought of an easy lay wasn’t appealing anymore, and I almost couldn’t believe my repulsion of it.
Charley, in the span of a month and a half, changed the trajectory of my life. I thought with such unparalleled clarity during those three days while I ate junk food and slept in my car near the beach. She was the single bravest person I’d ever met. To be even half the person she deserved I had to man the fuck up. I finally decided that I didn't want to work for the family business. I wanted to travel. Maybe become a doctor. Charley gave me a purpose and I knew that I wanted to share it with her. My purpose and my future. I wanted her to see all that she made me. That meant she had to let me see her.
At first, I wanted to respect her request: I was going to leave her alone, but that wasn't going to happen now. I needed to feel her near me again and tell her all of the grand plans I came up with in her absence. More than that, I wanted to finally claim her as mine. So, I waited at the beach. I went early every day and stayed late every night waiting. It'd been three days and I gave up on her coming to me. I wasn't going to give up necessarily, but was going to change my approach in finding her when there she was.
She looked so awful and pretty arriving on the beach. I could tell she'd been crying; she wore it in her posture, the way she kept her head and eyes downcast. She looked like she was wearing something different. My tee shirt. Hope. She was wearing hope for me.The look she gave me when she saw me was one of, what? Elation? Relief? Did she have hope? I couldn't
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