plain fact is that there’s one word which terrifies this posse of Hampstead liberals more than any other.
That word is ‘choice’.
And the reason they don’t like it? Because they know that, given the opportunity, very few of us would ‘choose’ to watch the dreary round of highbrow drama and leftwing agitprop that they would like to inflict on us.
When will these self-appointed nannies of the broadcasting mafia realize that what the British people want, at the end of the day, is a bit of relaxation and a bit of fun: not to be ‘educated’ by some bearded prig of a critic introducing three hours of one-legged mime from Bulgaria.
Roll on, deregulation, I say, if it means more power to the viewer’s elbow and more of our favourite shows with the likes of Brucie, Noel and Tarby.∗ (∗NB subs please check these names)
Meanwhile, next time you find that the only things on the telly are one of those boring documentaries about Peruvian peasants, or some incomprehensibly ‘arty’ film (with subtitles, of course), remember that there’s always one ‘choice’ they can’t take away from us.
The choice to reach for that ‘off’ button and head down to the nearest video store!
– ‘Plain Common Sense’, November 1988
∗
‘What the hell are you watching now?’
‘Bit late, aren’t you?’
‘I’ve been working, actually.’
‘Oh, spare me.’
‘I’m sorry?’
‘You are so fucking transparent, darling.’
‘What is this rubbish, anyway?’
‘I don’t know, some game show. One of those hearty, down-to-earth pieces of entertainment you’ve been extolling in your column lately.’
‘I don’t know how you can watch this crap. No wonder you’re so in tune with the brain-dead morons who read your paper. You’re not much better yourself.’
‘Do I detect a little post-coital tetchiness, by any chance?’
‘Oh, for God’s sake.’
‘I don’t know why you keep shagging Nigel if it just puts you in a bad mood.’
‘It gives you a thrill to think that, does it?’
‘It gives everyone on the paper a thrill, I should imagine, since you’re not exactly discreet about it.’
‘Well, that’s just marvellous, coming from you. I suppose getting blow-jobs from a temp, in your own office – with the bloody door open – I suppose that counts as discretion, does it?’
‘Look, do me a favour, will you? Just fuck off and die.’
∗
From Hello! magazine, March 1990
HILARY WINSHAW AND SIR PETER EAVES
Husband-and-wife team are so happy with baby Josephine but ‘our love for each other didn’t need strengthening’
Maternal love shines out of Hilary Winshaw’s eyes as she lifts her giggling, one-month-old daughter Josephine high in the air in the conservatory of the happy couple’s lovely South Kensington home. They’ve waited a long time for their first child – Hilary and Sir Peter were married almost six years ago, when they met on the newspaper which he continues to edit and for which she still writes a popular weekly column – but, as Hilary told Hello! in this exclusive interview, Josephine was well worth waiting for!
Tell us, Hilary, how did you feel when you first saw your baby daughter?
Well, exhausted, for one thing! I suppose by most people’s standards it was an easy labour but I certainly don’t intend to go through it again in a hurry! But one glimpse of Josephine and it all seemed worthwhile. It was an amazing feeling.
Had you begun to despair of ever having a child?
One never quite gives up hope, I suppose. We’d never been to see doctors or anything, which was perhaps silly of us. But when you’re with someone who feels so right for you, when two people are as happy together as Peter and I have been, then you can’t help believing that your dream will come true in the end, no matter what. We’re both a bit starry-eyed that way.
And has Josephine brought you even closer together?
She has, yes, inevitably. I only hesitate to say this because to be honest with
That word is ‘choice’.
And the reason they don’t like it? Because they know that, given the opportunity, very few of us would ‘choose’ to watch the dreary round of highbrow drama and leftwing agitprop that they would like to inflict on us.
When will these self-appointed nannies of the broadcasting mafia realize that what the British people want, at the end of the day, is a bit of relaxation and a bit of fun: not to be ‘educated’ by some bearded prig of a critic introducing three hours of one-legged mime from Bulgaria.
Roll on, deregulation, I say, if it means more power to the viewer’s elbow and more of our favourite shows with the likes of Brucie, Noel and Tarby.∗ (∗NB subs please check these names)
Meanwhile, next time you find that the only things on the telly are one of those boring documentaries about Peruvian peasants, or some incomprehensibly ‘arty’ film (with subtitles, of course), remember that there’s always one ‘choice’ they can’t take away from us.
The choice to reach for that ‘off’ button and head down to the nearest video store!
– ‘Plain Common Sense’, November 1988
∗
‘What the hell are you watching now?’
‘Bit late, aren’t you?’
‘I’ve been working, actually.’
‘Oh, spare me.’
‘I’m sorry?’
‘You are so fucking transparent, darling.’
‘What is this rubbish, anyway?’
‘I don’t know, some game show. One of those hearty, down-to-earth pieces of entertainment you’ve been extolling in your column lately.’
‘I don’t know how you can watch this crap. No wonder you’re so in tune with the brain-dead morons who read your paper. You’re not much better yourself.’
‘Do I detect a little post-coital tetchiness, by any chance?’
‘Oh, for God’s sake.’
‘I don’t know why you keep shagging Nigel if it just puts you in a bad mood.’
‘It gives you a thrill to think that, does it?’
‘It gives everyone on the paper a thrill, I should imagine, since you’re not exactly discreet about it.’
‘Well, that’s just marvellous, coming from you. I suppose getting blow-jobs from a temp, in your own office – with the bloody door open – I suppose that counts as discretion, does it?’
‘Look, do me a favour, will you? Just fuck off and die.’
∗
From Hello! magazine, March 1990
HILARY WINSHAW AND SIR PETER EAVES
Husband-and-wife team are so happy with baby Josephine but ‘our love for each other didn’t need strengthening’
Maternal love shines out of Hilary Winshaw’s eyes as she lifts her giggling, one-month-old daughter Josephine high in the air in the conservatory of the happy couple’s lovely South Kensington home. They’ve waited a long time for their first child – Hilary and Sir Peter were married almost six years ago, when they met on the newspaper which he continues to edit and for which she still writes a popular weekly column – but, as Hilary told Hello! in this exclusive interview, Josephine was well worth waiting for!
Tell us, Hilary, how did you feel when you first saw your baby daughter?
Well, exhausted, for one thing! I suppose by most people’s standards it was an easy labour but I certainly don’t intend to go through it again in a hurry! But one glimpse of Josephine and it all seemed worthwhile. It was an amazing feeling.
Had you begun to despair of ever having a child?
One never quite gives up hope, I suppose. We’d never been to see doctors or anything, which was perhaps silly of us. But when you’re with someone who feels so right for you, when two people are as happy together as Peter and I have been, then you can’t help believing that your dream will come true in the end, no matter what. We’re both a bit starry-eyed that way.
And has Josephine brought you even closer together?
She has, yes, inevitably. I only hesitate to say this because to be honest with
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