Welcome to the World, Baby Girl! by Fannie Flagg

there?”
    “Yes.”
    “Well, don’t let on something is wrong, but I need you to come over here and look at what somebody put in my door and tell me what you think.”
    “All right.”
    “And look and see if there’s anything stuck in your front door and if there is, get it and don’t let Norma see it, she’s nervous enough as it is.”
    “Okeydokey.”
    Aunt Elner was standing on her front porch waiting for him when he came walking up. “Was there anything in your door?”
    Macky shook his head. “Nope, not a thing.” And stepped over her cat, Sonny, who was lying on the sidewalk.
    “Well, would you look what somebody put in mine? Take a look at this and tell me what you think about it.” She handed him a bright, strawberry-colored piece of paper with bold black print:
    BEWARE—ARMAGEDDON IS AT HAND. THE END OF THE WORLD IS IMMINENT! REVEREND CLAY STILES HAS HAD A REVELATION FROM GOD REGARDING THE END OF THE WORLD. THIS INFORMATION IS BASED UPON INSIGHTS. INSIGHTS INTO THE FINAL EVENTS THAT HE RECEIVED FROM GOD THIS PAST APRIL AND HAS THE EXACT DATE. FOR FURTHER INFORMATION CALL 555-2312 FOR FREE BOOKLET.
    Aunt Elner said, “What do you think, should I give him a call?”
    “No, Aunt Elner, he’s just some quack trying to get money.”
    “Do you think so? It says ‘free.’ ”
    “They just want you on their mailing list, to ask for donations.”
    “So I shouldn’t worry that he knows what he’s talking about?”
    “He’s just some idiot. Throw it out. It’s just a scam.”
    “Oh, well, it’s a good thing I called you first because I sure don’t want to get on another person’s mailing list, even if he is a preacher. I get enough junk mail as it is.”
    “That’s right.”
    “Now that you’re here, sit on the porch with me for a little while.
    I’ll make some tea.”
    He walked up the stairs. “All right, I’ll have some tea with you.”
    Macky sat in the yellow-and-white-polka-dotted glider and pushed himself back and forth, waiting. Aunt Elner came back and handed him his glass. “Let me ask you this, Macky.”
    “What?”
    Aunt Elner sat down. “Would you want to know when the end of the world was coming? I don’t know if I’d want to know; I think I’d just as soon wait and be surprised, wouldn’t you?”
    “I guess so.”
    “Is that sweet enough?”
    “Fine.”
    “What would you do if you knew for sure the end of the world was coming next Tuesday?”
    Macky thought a moment. “Oh, I don’t know. Nothing, I guess. What could you do, really? What would you do?”
    “I wouldn’t clean house for a week, I’ll tell you that.”
    “Maybe I’d go to Florida,” Macky said. “Or something.”
    “I think it’s better that none of us know when it’s coming, or ifit’s coming in our lifetime. That way life’s more of a gamble, don’t you think?”
    “Oh, yeah.”
    “People like to gamble, don’t they? I like to play bingo. Not knowing when it’s coming keeps us on our toes, keeps us guessing.”
    Macky agreed.
    After a while, Aunt Elner said, “Do you think it’s gonna rain?”
    Macky leaned out and looked up. “God, I hope not. I want to go out on the lake this afternoon.”
    “What would make you want to go to Florida?”
    “What?”
    “If you knew the end of the world was coming.”
    “Oh, I don’t know. Guess I’d like to get in some good fishing before I go.”
    “But, Macky, you don’t want to be around a bunch of strangers in Florida when the end comes, do you?”
    “Well …”
    “I think it would be better not to travel at a time like that. Best to be in your own home, don’t you think?”
    “I guess so.”
    “You’d want Norma and Linda to be there, in your family group, wouldn’t you? You know Norma would not go to Florida, you know her; she’d want to get the house spick and span. They say that will be Judgment Day. You want to be where you’re supposed to be, so He wouldn’t have to come looking for you. I think we better stay