can’t be missing someone when I have so much going on.
As the days pass, our connection grows
stronger and I find myself counting the minutes until Wednesday. But even when
we’re together, I want more from him.
We never talk about the past. Though
every once in a while something familiar will happen and I see a trace of a
smirk cross his face. Like he remembers who we used to be to each other. A
link that’s beyond sex. And I begin to crave these moments.
When I see him in public, however,
it’s like we haven’t grown at all. Take our meeting at the store yesterday.
“Here shopping for men, Ari?” he
asked.
“No. What about you? Shopping for a
personality?”
“Very funny, brat.”
“Nice chat, dick.”
I don’t know, maybe this is what we
need to be to each other. Maybe it’s for the best.
Thankfully, I have my family to
keep me grounded.
Tonight, once I get Cade settled
in, Mom makes tea. She always drinks peppermint in the evening. It brings back
so many memories of us cuddled up on the couch watching TV or reading or
playing checkers.
Tonight? She’s suckered me into a
Downton Abbey marathon on Netflix. Serena was never into Mom’s things and God
help our rough-around-the-edges brother. But Mom’s always been a romantic, much
like I used to be.
After a few episodes I see the
appeal.
“Okay, you’re right, this show is
amazing.”
“See, what did I tell you?”
“Matthew is pretty dreamy.”
“He is, but I don’t know, I just
adore Mr. Bates.”
“I can see that. He would be
perfect for you. Where could we find a Mr. Bates in Gulf Bay?”
“I think that ship has sailed, my
dear.”
“Mom, why didn’t you ever date
after Dad left?” I finally ask the question I’ve had for so many years.
“I used to say it was time or you
kids. But truthfully, honey, I was scared. I didn’t think I could open my heart
again because I couldn’t risk it breaking.”
“Are you sorry?” I ask.
“Most of the time, I think it saved
me a lot of frustration and heartache. I think there’s a reason I don’t have as
many wrinkles as a woman my age should have.”
“Yeah, genetics. I’m praying for
the same.”
“No, I think it’s because I’ve had
control over my life. I’ve worked hard, but never really worried. It’s rare
that I have an altercation. It’s rare I raise my voice, even when the three of
you were little stinkers. I’ve been happy and sure of myself. I didn’t have a
man to muck it all up.”
“And now?”
“You know, as nice as it was, I
think I’d take a few more wrinkles.”
“It’s not too late, you know. Have
you ever thought of Jimmy?”
“Jimmy? No, we’re more like family.
Kate was one of my best friends.”
“And it’s been two years, Mom. I
think she would approve. In fact, I know she would.”
“What makes you think Jimmy would
even consider the idea?”
“Oh Mother, for someone so
brilliant, you’re also so blind.”
“I might say the same about you,
dear.”
“Well, yes, Alex. That was a low
blow.”
“I’m not talking about Alex.”
I lift a brow.
“You know who I mean,” she says.
And we both sit on that for a
moment.
“I’ll get the next episode ready,”
Mom finally says. But when she presses play, she mumbles to herself , “Jimmy,
hmph.”
And I think about Tristan – and how
it could never work.
TRISTAN
The following
Wednesday, I wait, half expecting her not to show. She’s skittish and
undependable, despite knowing how I make her feel. How much she wants this. But
she still hates me. I see it in her eyes when we’re in public. I can’t blame
her.
“All right, asshole,” she says when
she finally does make an appearance. “Let’s do this.”
It’s hot, but also a little fucked
up. Honestly, the whole hate-sex thing is making me feel like a misogynistic
bastard. I’m not sure how much longer I can play.
“Can we lose the act for today,
Ari?”
“What’s the matter? You can call
As the days pass, our connection grows
stronger and I find myself counting the minutes until Wednesday. But even when
we’re together, I want more from him.
We never talk about the past. Though
every once in a while something familiar will happen and I see a trace of a
smirk cross his face. Like he remembers who we used to be to each other. A
link that’s beyond sex. And I begin to crave these moments.
When I see him in public, however,
it’s like we haven’t grown at all. Take our meeting at the store yesterday.
“Here shopping for men, Ari?” he
asked.
“No. What about you? Shopping for a
personality?”
“Very funny, brat.”
“Nice chat, dick.”
I don’t know, maybe this is what we
need to be to each other. Maybe it’s for the best.
Thankfully, I have my family to
keep me grounded.
Tonight, once I get Cade settled
in, Mom makes tea. She always drinks peppermint in the evening. It brings back
so many memories of us cuddled up on the couch watching TV or reading or
playing checkers.
Tonight? She’s suckered me into a
Downton Abbey marathon on Netflix. Serena was never into Mom’s things and God
help our rough-around-the-edges brother. But Mom’s always been a romantic, much
like I used to be.
After a few episodes I see the
appeal.
“Okay, you’re right, this show is
amazing.”
“See, what did I tell you?”
“Matthew is pretty dreamy.”
“He is, but I don’t know, I just
adore Mr. Bates.”
“I can see that. He would be
perfect for you. Where could we find a Mr. Bates in Gulf Bay?”
“I think that ship has sailed, my
dear.”
“Mom, why didn’t you ever date
after Dad left?” I finally ask the question I’ve had for so many years.
“I used to say it was time or you
kids. But truthfully, honey, I was scared. I didn’t think I could open my heart
again because I couldn’t risk it breaking.”
“Are you sorry?” I ask.
“Most of the time, I think it saved
me a lot of frustration and heartache. I think there’s a reason I don’t have as
many wrinkles as a woman my age should have.”
“Yeah, genetics. I’m praying for
the same.”
“No, I think it’s because I’ve had
control over my life. I’ve worked hard, but never really worried. It’s rare
that I have an altercation. It’s rare I raise my voice, even when the three of
you were little stinkers. I’ve been happy and sure of myself. I didn’t have a
man to muck it all up.”
“And now?”
“You know, as nice as it was, I
think I’d take a few more wrinkles.”
“It’s not too late, you know. Have
you ever thought of Jimmy?”
“Jimmy? No, we’re more like family.
Kate was one of my best friends.”
“And it’s been two years, Mom. I
think she would approve. In fact, I know she would.”
“What makes you think Jimmy would
even consider the idea?”
“Oh Mother, for someone so
brilliant, you’re also so blind.”
“I might say the same about you,
dear.”
“Well, yes, Alex. That was a low
blow.”
“I’m not talking about Alex.”
I lift a brow.
“You know who I mean,” she says.
And we both sit on that for a
moment.
“I’ll get the next episode ready,”
Mom finally says. But when she presses play, she mumbles to herself , “Jimmy,
hmph.”
And I think about Tristan – and how
it could never work.
TRISTAN
The following
Wednesday, I wait, half expecting her not to show. She’s skittish and
undependable, despite knowing how I make her feel. How much she wants this. But
she still hates me. I see it in her eyes when we’re in public. I can’t blame
her.
“All right, asshole,” she says when
she finally does make an appearance. “Let’s do this.”
It’s hot, but also a little fucked
up. Honestly, the whole hate-sex thing is making me feel like a misogynistic
bastard. I’m not sure how much longer I can play.
“Can we lose the act for today,
Ari?”
“What’s the matter? You can call
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