Water and Fire by Demelza Carlton Page A

glance at the
room where Aidan slept, I left his house, forcing every step I took
to my car. The sooner I left, the sooner I could return.
    And I'd never have to leave
again, as long as he lived.

42
     
    The sun rose on my tears, but I
kept my foot on the accelerator as my car drove north. Away from
Aidan, though I ached for him still.
    When I reached Mother's house,
I was tired from my long drive and voluntary sleep deprivation. I
dropped my bag in my room and trudged wearily to the kitchen, where
she sat at the dining table, reading a book in the afternoon
sun.
    "You'll need to go to the
chemist's to get a pregnancy test," Mother stated, not lifting her
eyes from her book.
    "Why, who needs one?" I
asked.
    "You," Mother answered. She
closed her book and laid it on the table. "I thought you were going
to wait until after you'd completed your studies to try for another
child." She smiled as if she already knew what my answer would be.
I wouldn't have been surprised.
    "I received a particularly
attractive offer that I found I didn't want to refuse." I hadn't
yet dared to let myself hope that Aidan had given me a healthy
child, though I would have traded everything for her. Maybe even
him. I shook my head. Her hopes flew too high for me. "I don't even
know if I can have another child. If I can…that will change
everything." I stood, stunned, looking at a future in my mind that
I hadn't foreseen.
    Mother's smile grew wider.
"What was it about him that made him so attractive?"
    I couldn't help but smile in
response. "He had fiery red hair. Everywhere." I shrugged, not
wanting to discuss Aidan in detail with Mother. "It's only a few
weeks until I finish my final exams. I'll take the test
afterwards," I said, opening the fridge in search of a drink and a
desperate change of topic. "Do we have any whiskey?"
    "Whiskey?" Mother asked,
looking up. "You can't drink that if you're carrying a child." She
smiled again. "Your father had red hair, too."
    "Oh." I closed the fridge and
poured myself a glass of water instead. I'd left him only this
morning, yet I missed Aidan's fire so much.
    "What was the man's name?"
Mother's eyes looked far away, into some memory of the past. Idly,
I wondered if she'd ever loved a man as I did.
    "Aidan," I replied.
    "How was your practical
experience in Albany?"
    I smiled. "Highly
educational."

43
     
    The pregnancy test sat in its
plastic cover, while I waited the ten minutes that felt like ten
times that. Time ticked away possibilities in my head.
    Duty or freedom?
    Love or loneliness?
    Aching or Aidan?
    Warmth or chill?
    Back to the life I knew or the
thrill of change?
    A child or forever empty
arms?
    "Have you decided what you'll
do next?" Mother asked, standing in the doorway.
    I shook my head. "It all
depends on the results of this."
    Mother gave an understanding
smile. She would advise me, but we both knew the decision was mine
alone.
    "You know what will happen if
he discovers your secret," she began. Her tone held warning. "You
know what you may have to do."
    "If I'm carrying his child, the
decision is out of my hands," I replied firmly.
    "And if you cannot conceive a
child?"
    A tear slid down my cheek, but
I remained resolute. "Then I will make my choice. And I might not
choose to return home with you, Mother."
    She gave a solemn nod and I
knew she understood.
    "The men I loved both died.
It's a hard decision to make."
    I remembered the moment the
aching started – when I left Aidan's bedroom. It hadn't ceased
since. My lips longed for his, my fingers itched to stroke him and
my breasts ached to be held in his hands once more. My tongue
burned for the fire on his.
    Oh,
Aidan…what I'd give to be back in your arms tomorrow. Destiny be damned.
    The timer trilled and Mother
graciously left me alone. My time was up.
    I picked up the plastic test,
pressing my lips together as I peered down to see what it said.

Epilogue
     
    "Is it time to go to the whales
yet?" Zerafina asked, almost bouncing in her