War of the World Records by Matthew Ward

be doing the same, knowing the competition you’ll be up against this year.”
    â€œSo then, she’s all right, is she?”
    â€œWell, of course she’s all right. What sort of question is that? She’s simply sacrificing her time for the sake of the family. Is that such a foreign concept to you? Now, if you have no other business here, I really must get back to my own affairs. And please know, the next time I catch you so much as setting foot on our property, I
will
sic the lizards on you.”
    â€œOh, right—well, fair enough. Sorry to disturb you, Mrs. Goldwin,” Arthur said shakily. Then, remembering his original mission, he blurted, “Maybe you could just tell Ruby I dropped by?”
    But before he could get out this last, feeble request, the door clapped shut in front of him. It seemed a bad idea to test the house’s mourning mistress any further, so he turned on his heels and headed for home.
    On the way back, Arthur thought about the excuse Mrs. Goldwin had given for Ruby’s unavailability. From what he could surmise, the girl had not been harmed but was presently living under a certain degree of duress within her own home. He only hoped she managed to find a way out of it soon, or he’d be forced to face the investigation alone— a prospect to which he was not looking forward. Of course, there was also the fact that Ruby had quickly become the best friend he’d ever had and he was already starting to miss her—but he did his best not to think about that.
    Upon his return home, Arthur spent the rest of the day compiling his list of world record possibilities, his mind wandering periodically to the predicament of his missing partner, or to unravelling conspiracy of giants, dwarves, and neighborhood supervillains upon which he had stumbled. With his cheek plastered to the pages of the
Grazelby Guide
, he finally drifted off to sleep, his dreams inhabited by cheering crowds and glistening golden trophies.
    â€¢Â â€¢Â â€¢
    The next several days went very much the same. Arthur woke up, visited Abigail and Hamlet at Mr. Mahankali’s cottage, shared a quick breakfast with the rest of his family, started down his list of potential records with Uncle Mervyn, headed over to the Undertakers’ Graveyard to wait for Ruby, then—when she failed to arrive—headed back to the house to continue down the list until he was too tired to proceed.
    The exhaustive search for a world record to finally call his own kept Arthur occupied and somewhat contented, but as each day passed, Ruby’s absence weighed heavier and heavier on his soul.
    Out of desperation, Arthur formulated a plan to both contact his partner and expedite their investigation.
    On the seventh day, he set his plan into action.
    That morning, his family had planned a trip into the city to stock up on supplies for their pre-championships surge in record breaking. It was just the thing his plot required.
    Arthur rose earlier than usual and drafted a copy of the letter he’d received in the birthday cake from Sammy the Spatula. He then sketched two copies of the Treasurer’s note, taking extra care to replicate the details of the fiery crown on the Treasurer’s seal.
    After tucking Sammy’s original letter and a copy of the Treasurer’s note beneath his mattress for safekeeping, he sealed the copy of Sammy’s letter and the original Treasurer’s note, along with a brief explanatory message, inside a large envelope. He addressed the envelope to Detective Sergeant Greenley and placed it inside his knapsack. Then he hurried downstairs to join his family as they marched outside and piled into the car.
    The drive from the Whipples’ country house to the city took a little under an hour, and Wilhelm parked the car just off Haggle Street, the main thoroughfare in the District of Distinctive Objects.
    While the rest of his family searched the shops for the