Wanting What She Can't Have

Wanting What She Can't Have by Yvonne Lindsay

Book: Wanting What She Can't Have by Yvonne Lindsay Read Free Book Online
Authors: Yvonne Lindsay
the slightest inkling that her health would be compromised by her pregnancy, I would have taken steps to make sure it never happened.”
    “But that would have been taking her choice to have a family away from her,” Alexis protested. “She wanted your child.”
    “I wanted her.”
    His voice was bleak, so sad and empty and filled with loss. Alexis didn’t know what to do. What he’d just told her explained so much—his withdrawal from society, his reluctance to have anything to do with Ruby. Which brought her full circle to why she’d come to talk to him today.
    “You can’t blame Ruby. She doesn’t deserve that.”
    “I don’t,” he answered simply.
    “How on earth can you expect me to believe you when you can’t even stay in a room with her for more than five minutes, let alone spend any time alone with her?”
    Raoul rubbed a hand across his eyes and shook his head. “It’s not what you think. I don’t blame her. I just can’t let myself love her.”
    His words struck her like an arrow through her heart. “How can you say that?” she gasped, shocked to her core.
    “Because it’s true. I can’t love her, I won’t love her. What if I lose her, too?”
    “What if she lives to be a hundred years old?” Alexis countered.
    “You don’t understand, she was born prematurely, she was seriously ill for the first month of her life—”
    “And she’s overcome all that, she’s a fighter. She’s a strong, healthy growing girl and she needs her father—not some coward who’s prepared to pay everyone to take over his obligations!”
    Raoul stood up straighter at her accusation—anger flaring in his hazel eyes, making them seem more green than brown, standing out even more as his complexion paled. “You’re calling me a coward?”
    Alexis stood her ground. “If the cap fits.” She shrugged with feigned nonchalance. Right now she was worried she may have stepped over the mark. But it was too late to back down. Besides, she wasn’t about to break the momentum now that they were finally getting to the heart of his issues. “Let’s face it, you can’t even bring yourself to talk about what we shared last week, about our night together. Instead you’ve been snapping and snarling at me for days, when you haven’t been avoiding me altogether. What’s wrong, Raoul? Can’t you admit that what we did, what we had together, was good? Do you not believe you even deserve even that?”
    “No, I don’t!” he shouted. “It’s a betrayal.”
    “Of Bree? As hard as it is, as cruel as it is, she’s dead, Raoul. You’re living—although not as if you’re alive. She wouldn’t have wanted you to do this, to cut yourself away from everyone and everything that mattered to you both, especially the daughter you both wanted so badly.”
    “So what are you saying, that I should jump into bed with you at every opportunity, pretend I’m alive? ”
    “If that’s what it takes,” she said quietly.
    He moved up to her, grabbing her upper arms in his strong hands. Even though he vibrated with anger, his hold was still gentle. She knew this was the real Raoul Benoit. This man with such passion in his eyes that even now, after her goading, she knew he wouldn’t hurt her.
    “And if I said to you that I want you now, what would you do?”
    Alexis calmly looked at her watch and then back at him. “I’d say you have about forty minutes. Is that enough?”
    “For now, maybe,” he growled.
    In the next breath he was kissing her and she thrilled to his touch. Their night together had only made her want more. His last words about taking her birth control had made her believe that he’d come to her again, but instead he’d been so aloof this week, so filled with latent anger. If releasing that anger was what it took to prize him out of his ice cave than that’s what she’d do. She’d make him so mad he made love to her every single day. Anything to bring him, the real him, back again.
    She shoved her hands

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