Victoria Victorious: The Story of Queen Victoria by Jean Plaidy Page B

then you can also be the most lovable little girl in the world, and I would rather serve you than any other.”
    I wept with her and Lehzen came and found us together. She did not reprove us. She just sat with us, looking very sad. I had lost Feodore, Uncle Leopold, and now Spath.
    Fearfully I wondered: Who next?
    M Y FEELINGS TOWARD Mama were changing rapidly. It was all because of Sir John Conroy. I disliked him more with every day which passed, and I blamed him for taking Spath away from me.
    Instinctively I knew that he wanted to remove Lehzen in the same way. But that was something that I should never tolerate.
    I began to see very clearly what was going on. Mama was one of those forceful women who want to rule everyone about her. How delighted she would have been if
she
had been destined to become Queen. In fact if ever I ascended the throne she wanted to be there, not beside me, but ruling in my place.
    And with her would be that odious man.
They
would be King and Queen; they would rule the country as they now ruled the household.
    Mama was always talking disparagingly about the King. What an old fool he was; he was doubtless going mad; anyone less like a king she hadnever known. He went among the people like a common man. Some might be able to behave so. Not bumble-headed William. He looked what he was, a foolish old man teetering on the edge of madness. He had even said on one occasion that he and his wife were quiet people. The Queen and he liked to sit by the fire, she tatting and he “nodding a bit.” If he got bees in his bonnet he would forget all dignity and make speeches about them—incoherent, rambling, boring speeches. That was her opinion of him. She even spoke kindly of Aunt Adelaide in her condemnation of him. “Poor thing, she has a lot to put up with. The best thing he can do is join his forefathers and leave the throne for those better able to manage it.”
    That meant Victoria, of course, with Mama in control!
    And in control she would be if I were not eighteen years old. When I reached that magic age I could tell Mama: No! You will not do this and that, because it is my wish that you should not. What a day that would be!
    Mama was so exuberant now that she talked to me more openly.
    “There will be a Regency,” she said. “That is if he dies before you are eighteen. You are not quite twelve yet. Six years. He can't last that long.”
    I hated to hear her talk like that of poor Uncle William who had always been so pleasant to me; and I loved Aunt Adelaide who, I was sure, would be very unhappy if Uncle William died.
    And I thought: A Regency! Mama as Regent! Oh no! Please God don't let Uncle William die until I am eighteen.
    I thought I should never get over my sadness at losing Spath, but a greater catastrophe threatened. They were going to send Lehzen away.
    I think they both realized that they would have to tread more warily over Lehzen. I had loved Spath but Lehzen was very special to me. She was, I had often said, the best friend I had ever had up to that time—and I meant it. If I faced any difficulties it had always been to Lehzen I had gone, and she had smoothed them out. She had been something of a disciplinarian, of course, but I think I needed that and I respected her for it. It gave me a sense of security. I could not really imagine my life without Lehzen, and as soon as I realized what was going on I became very determined to stop it.
    I heard Aunt Adelaide say to Mama, “But you couldn't. It would kill poor Lehzen. Victoria is her life.”
    They stopped talking when I came in—but I knew.
    They shall never do it, I said to myself firmly.
    I was growing up. I was destined to be the Queen; they must realize that they had to go very carefully with me.
    Mama said to me one day, “Dear Feodore, she is so happy. Two little babies. What a joy. She needs a very good governess for them.”
    I was alert. I said quickly, “I am sure she and the Count will find an excellent