easy to drown all of this with pills. The
urge snakes through me, it’s right below my skin, waiting
to lash out and drag me down. I could make myself forget.
I could snort so much that nothing would matter anymore.
But I can’t let it take over. Whoever did this has to pay.
Ten months. Two days. Eighteen hours.
“I tried, Trev. I tried to get her breathing again. But no
matter what I did—”
T E S S S H A R P E
105
“Just go,” he says tightly. “Please, go.” He stares straight
ahead.
There’s a crash that makes me turn around before I can
get to the front door. He’s kicked the coffee table over, spill-
ing the contents of the box onto the fl oor. He meets my
eyes, and I throw the words at him to break him, because
I want to in that moment. Because he made me talk about
it. Because he looks so much like her. Because he’s here and
so am I, but she’s not—and that’s so unfair, I can barely
breathe through it.
“Still can’t hate me, Trev?”
22
A YEAR AND A HALF AGO (SIXTEEN YEARS OLD)
“What do you think of Kyle Miller?” Mina asks. We’re making the
hour-and-a-half drive to Chico, where Trev’s working on his bachelor’s
in business. Mina likes to drag me with her on these monthly trips. I
never put up much of a fi ght because it’s usually nice to see Trev. Mina
had wanted to leave early, so I haven’t had a chance to take anything
extra and it’s making me jittery. I wish I hadn’t said I’d drive, but I
hate being the passenger, especially for long distances.
We pass by another roadside fruit stand, a crooked sign marked
Closed For Winter teetering in the wind. Miles and miles of almond
and olive orchards whiz by us on both sides, the branches stark and
black against the pale gray sky. Tractors rust in the empty fi elds, along
with the faded for sale signs on the wire fences that have been hang-
ing there forever.
“Soph?”
“Huh?”
“Stop zoning out. Kyle Miller? What do you think?”
“I’m driving. And why are we talking about Kyle Miller?” I don’t
know why I’m playing dumb. When Mina gets bored, she toys with
boys.
“I dunno. He’s sweet. He used to bring us brownies when you were
in the hospital.”
T E S S S H A R P E
107
“I thought his mom made those.”
“No, Kyle did. Adam told me. Kyle bakes. He just doesn’t broad-
cast it.”
“Okay, the brownies were good. But he’s not smart or anything.”
I wonder if that’s the point. That he won’t be smart enough to notice.
I’m always worried Trev will.
“Kyle’s not dumb,” she says. “And he’s got those big brown eyes.
They’re like chocolate.”
“Oh come on,” I snap, too on edge to hide my annoyance. “Don’t
tell me you’re gonna start dating him just because he looks at you like
he wants to be your love slave.”
She shrugs. “I’m bored. I need some excitement. This year has
been blah. Trev’s gone, Mom’s got her charities. Not to mention the
biggest thing to happen in school all year was homecoming court.”
“The look on Chrissy’s face when Amber hit her over the head
with the scepter was worth the week in detention.”
Mina snickers. “You’re the one who broke her crown.”
I don’t bother to hide my grin. “I didn’t mean to step on it! That
fl oat was totally unstable. And I was already at a disadvantage.”
“Uh huh, I believe you, Soph,” Mina says. “Homecoming was
fun. Detention not so much. But I don’t want fun. Or detention. I
want something interesting to happen. Like when Jackie Dennings
disappeared.”
“Don’t wish that! That’s twisted.”
“Abductions and unsolved cases generally are,” Mina says.
“Please tell me you aren’t getting into that again. The fi rst time
was creepy enough.”
“I’m not being creepy. Something bad happened to her.”
“Stop being so morbid,” I scold. “Maybe she ran away.”
108
F A R F R O M Y O U
“Or maybe she’s dead.”
My phone
urge snakes through me, it’s right below my skin, waiting
to lash out and drag me down. I could make myself forget.
I could snort so much that nothing would matter anymore.
But I can’t let it take over. Whoever did this has to pay.
Ten months. Two days. Eighteen hours.
“I tried, Trev. I tried to get her breathing again. But no
matter what I did—”
T E S S S H A R P E
105
“Just go,” he says tightly. “Please, go.” He stares straight
ahead.
There’s a crash that makes me turn around before I can
get to the front door. He’s kicked the coffee table over, spill-
ing the contents of the box onto the fl oor. He meets my
eyes, and I throw the words at him to break him, because
I want to in that moment. Because he made me talk about
it. Because he looks so much like her. Because he’s here and
so am I, but she’s not—and that’s so unfair, I can barely
breathe through it.
“Still can’t hate me, Trev?”
22
A YEAR AND A HALF AGO (SIXTEEN YEARS OLD)
“What do you think of Kyle Miller?” Mina asks. We’re making the
hour-and-a-half drive to Chico, where Trev’s working on his bachelor’s
in business. Mina likes to drag me with her on these monthly trips. I
never put up much of a fi ght because it’s usually nice to see Trev. Mina
had wanted to leave early, so I haven’t had a chance to take anything
extra and it’s making me jittery. I wish I hadn’t said I’d drive, but I
hate being the passenger, especially for long distances.
We pass by another roadside fruit stand, a crooked sign marked
Closed For Winter teetering in the wind. Miles and miles of almond
and olive orchards whiz by us on both sides, the branches stark and
black against the pale gray sky. Tractors rust in the empty fi elds, along
with the faded for sale signs on the wire fences that have been hang-
ing there forever.
“Soph?”
“Huh?”
“Stop zoning out. Kyle Miller? What do you think?”
“I’m driving. And why are we talking about Kyle Miller?” I don’t
know why I’m playing dumb. When Mina gets bored, she toys with
boys.
“I dunno. He’s sweet. He used to bring us brownies when you were
in the hospital.”
T E S S S H A R P E
107
“I thought his mom made those.”
“No, Kyle did. Adam told me. Kyle bakes. He just doesn’t broad-
cast it.”
“Okay, the brownies were good. But he’s not smart or anything.”
I wonder if that’s the point. That he won’t be smart enough to notice.
I’m always worried Trev will.
“Kyle’s not dumb,” she says. “And he’s got those big brown eyes.
They’re like chocolate.”
“Oh come on,” I snap, too on edge to hide my annoyance. “Don’t
tell me you’re gonna start dating him just because he looks at you like
he wants to be your love slave.”
She shrugs. “I’m bored. I need some excitement. This year has
been blah. Trev’s gone, Mom’s got her charities. Not to mention the
biggest thing to happen in school all year was homecoming court.”
“The look on Chrissy’s face when Amber hit her over the head
with the scepter was worth the week in detention.”
Mina snickers. “You’re the one who broke her crown.”
I don’t bother to hide my grin. “I didn’t mean to step on it! That
fl oat was totally unstable. And I was already at a disadvantage.”
“Uh huh, I believe you, Soph,” Mina says. “Homecoming was
fun. Detention not so much. But I don’t want fun. Or detention. I
want something interesting to happen. Like when Jackie Dennings
disappeared.”
“Don’t wish that! That’s twisted.”
“Abductions and unsolved cases generally are,” Mina says.
“Please tell me you aren’t getting into that again. The fi rst time
was creepy enough.”
“I’m not being creepy. Something bad happened to her.”
“Stop being so morbid,” I scold. “Maybe she ran away.”
108
F A R F R O M Y O U
“Or maybe she’s dead.”
My phone
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