Until I Saw Your Smile by J.J. Murray

Bergdorf’s.”
    â€œOh, I agree, Victoria,” Debbie said. “She probably paid less than four. Off the rack.” Debbie giggled.
    Matthew blinked. Millicent bought one dress for six thousand dollars, and these two think she’s lying. Who lies about dropping six grand on a dress with a first, middle, and last name? For six grand, it had better have a social security number and give you a tax break for living in your closet.
    The waiter materialized beside Matthew. “Would you like some dessert, perhaps?”
    Would you like to stop coming around and asking them if they’re still hungry, perhaps? Perhaps you think I can afford to feed these two all night.
    â€œMay we, Matthew?” Victoria asked.
    â€œSure, why not,” Matthew said.
    â€œWe’ll each have the gianduja, ” Victoria said.
    Matthew looked up at the waiter. “What’s that?” It sounds like a disease.
    â€œMilk chocolate-hazelnut mousse with caramelized banana and burnt honey-pistachio ice cream,” the waiter said.
    Whatever happened to a simple piece of apple pie with some ice cream on top? Matthew thought. Or a simple slice of chocolate cake?
    â€œAnd you, sir?” the waiter asked.
    â€œI’m fine.”
    â€œSome cheese, perhaps?” the waiter asked.
    â€œNo, thank you.” Cheese on top of all this? Is he kidding? I have to go out in public!
    â€œPerhaps another glass of wine?” the waiter asked.
    I’d blow a .15 on the breathalyzer right now, chief. “No, thank you.”
    â€œSome coffee, perhaps?” the waiter asked.
    Perhaps you can leave me the hell alone! “No, thank you.”
    And naturally, the women pronounced the caramelized bananas “amazing” and the pistachio ice cream “iconic.”
    At meal’s end, Victoria and Debbie flirted with men around them, waving and naming names, while Matthew paid the bill.
    It was only $1,600.
    Plus tip.
    Outside Le Bernardin on the most perfect sidewalk Matthew had ever seen, he decided they needed to walk to the theater. “The Sondheim Theatre isn’t that far from here,” he said. “It’s not too cold, is it?”
    Victoria’s jaw dropped between her ginormous breasts. “You aren’t actually suggesting what I think you’re actually suggesting, Matthew.”
    Um, actually, yes. “I was just going to say since we all ate so much, that we could walk,” Matthew said. “It’s only a few . . .”
    Victoria and Debbie gave Matthew the most evil looks he had ever seen, demons possessing only their eyebrows, noses, and lips. It was as if he had just deposited half a ton of steaming diarrhea right there on the perfect sidewalk and expected them to wade through it in their irrational, impractical heels.
    â€œNo, you’re right,” Matthew said. “Ten blocks is much too far to walk. We’ll take a cab then?” Even though you two need to walk off those caramelized bananas so your dresses won’t explode during the show.
    They took a cab to West 43 rd where Matthew used most of his cash and had only a two-dollar tip for the driver. “I am so sorry,” he whispered to the driver.
    â€œI understand completely,” the driver said. “That right there is a real dame. I’d save my money for her, too. But why’s the other one along for the ride?”
    â€œI wish I knew,” Matthew whispered.
    At the box office, Matthew received four tickets. I’ll bet Debbie was supposed to have a date. I can see why she didn’t, but Michael had to know about this “arrangement.”
    Matthew allowed Debbie to enter their row first, followed closely by Victoria. Before Matthew could sit next to his alleged “date,” Victoria set both of their Fendi B Bags on the second seat, leaving Matthew alone on the aisle.
    I am having a date with two clutch purses.
    At least they’re not holding