Unplanned: The Dramatic True Story of a Former Planned Parenthood Leader's Eye-Opening Journey Across the Life Line by Abby Johnson, Cindy Lambert
Authors: Abby Johnson, Cindy Lambert
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concerned. So I approached Shawn at the fence one day and said, “I hear you’ve been filming over at my church. I know you have good intentions, and I know you think you’re doing the right thing. But I’m prochoice. There are other people at my church who are prochoice—I’m not the only one. My church has no problem with my working here. In fact, I have a lot of supporters there.”
I know it was a foolish way to handle it. I’d actually kept quiet at my church about my job. But a few people there knew what I did, and news gets around, though I doubted the pastor knew.
Shawn smiled. “I think of that as a pretty pro-life church. But you know, just because you have a few people there who agree with you doesn’t make it right. Even if everyone agreed, it wouldn’t make it right.” Then he promised he wouldn’t mention me or my job to the pastor or anybody else there. He suggested I not talk about it either.
I remember thinking as I walked away, He didn’t know I went there? I should have kept quiet. But it sounds like he won’t tell anyone.
And he didn’t. In fact, as I discovered later, he felt some concern for me after that conversation. He knew my church well enough to know that it was predominantly pro-life, and he was afraid that if I went around talking about my prochoice beliefs, I’d get thrown out of my own church. He had no idea, of course, that I’d already been through a similar experience and hoped to never feel that rejection again.
My experience with depression reminded me of how much I loved working directly with patients. Though I was enjoying the role of director of community services, I deeply missed working directly with women in crisis. Cheryl must have sensed it. She had been promoted to regional medical services director for our affiliate and recommended I apply for the job of director of the clinic. Knowing she felt I was up to the task was a huge boost to me. I decided to take the leap.
“Hey, Mom—big news today. Cheryl is encouraging me to apply to be director of the clinic.”
“Abby, have you thought about the fact that, as the director, you’d actually be in charge of the abortions in your clinic? Do you see that as different from counseling women about their choices?”
I was frustrated—partly at my mom but mostly at myself for inviting this conversation. How had I expected her to respond? “Mom, as director I can do even more to bring abortion numbers down. I can make ours the best clinic in the affiliate, increase our education services, build a closer connection to adoption services, and draw in more clients for contraception to decrease the number of unwanted pregnancies. This is an opportunity to really make some changes.”
She didn’t sound convinced. “Abby, what do you want me to say? You tell me how bad it makes you feel when people don’t like what you do. You’re even afraid to tell people at your church what you do for a living. But many people don’t like abortion. I don’t like abortion. I’m proud of your capabilities and accomplishments, but I can’t pretend to like your choice of career.”
Later that evening, I tried a new thought out on Doug: “I’m going to pray that if I’m not supposed to be working at the clinic, I won’t get the promotion.”
He looked thoughtful. “You applied for the job already, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So you’re asking God to show His will by stopping something you’ve already set in motion?”
“Well, God can intervene. If I pray that way and still get the job, I’ll know it’s God’s will that I run the clinic.”
Doug didn’t look any more convinced than my mom had sounded. But I told myself this plan made sense. I do want God to show me if He wants me out.
“Dear God,” I prayed later than night, “if You don’t want me at Planned Parenthood, please don’t let me get the promotion. Amen.”
The next day I got the promotion.
I’d been naively stepping closer and closer to
I know it was a foolish way to handle it. I’d actually kept quiet at my church about my job. But a few people there knew what I did, and news gets around, though I doubted the pastor knew.
Shawn smiled. “I think of that as a pretty pro-life church. But you know, just because you have a few people there who agree with you doesn’t make it right. Even if everyone agreed, it wouldn’t make it right.” Then he promised he wouldn’t mention me or my job to the pastor or anybody else there. He suggested I not talk about it either.
I remember thinking as I walked away, He didn’t know I went there? I should have kept quiet. But it sounds like he won’t tell anyone.
And he didn’t. In fact, as I discovered later, he felt some concern for me after that conversation. He knew my church well enough to know that it was predominantly pro-life, and he was afraid that if I went around talking about my prochoice beliefs, I’d get thrown out of my own church. He had no idea, of course, that I’d already been through a similar experience and hoped to never feel that rejection again.
My experience with depression reminded me of how much I loved working directly with patients. Though I was enjoying the role of director of community services, I deeply missed working directly with women in crisis. Cheryl must have sensed it. She had been promoted to regional medical services director for our affiliate and recommended I apply for the job of director of the clinic. Knowing she felt I was up to the task was a huge boost to me. I decided to take the leap.
“Hey, Mom—big news today. Cheryl is encouraging me to apply to be director of the clinic.”
“Abby, have you thought about the fact that, as the director, you’d actually be in charge of the abortions in your clinic? Do you see that as different from counseling women about their choices?”
I was frustrated—partly at my mom but mostly at myself for inviting this conversation. How had I expected her to respond? “Mom, as director I can do even more to bring abortion numbers down. I can make ours the best clinic in the affiliate, increase our education services, build a closer connection to adoption services, and draw in more clients for contraception to decrease the number of unwanted pregnancies. This is an opportunity to really make some changes.”
She didn’t sound convinced. “Abby, what do you want me to say? You tell me how bad it makes you feel when people don’t like what you do. You’re even afraid to tell people at your church what you do for a living. But many people don’t like abortion. I don’t like abortion. I’m proud of your capabilities and accomplishments, but I can’t pretend to like your choice of career.”
Later that evening, I tried a new thought out on Doug: “I’m going to pray that if I’m not supposed to be working at the clinic, I won’t get the promotion.”
He looked thoughtful. “You applied for the job already, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So you’re asking God to show His will by stopping something you’ve already set in motion?”
“Well, God can intervene. If I pray that way and still get the job, I’ll know it’s God’s will that I run the clinic.”
Doug didn’t look any more convinced than my mom had sounded. But I told myself this plan made sense. I do want God to show me if He wants me out.
“Dear God,” I prayed later than night, “if You don’t want me at Planned Parenthood, please don’t let me get the promotion. Amen.”
The next day I got the promotion.
I’d been naively stepping closer and closer to
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