Unlimited: How to Build an Exceptional Life by Jillian Michaels Page B
Authors: Jillian Michaels
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and arrogant?
Do you reject the rejecter?
Do you become overly controlling and determined to overcome the problem at hand?
Do you become anxious, impulsive, or flustered?
Do you do things to distract yourself that end up causing chaos (like rescuing several dogs when you are momentarily homeless)?
Do you rebel and cause more damage out of spite (like binge-eating to get back at your parents for not loving you unconditionally)?
Do you numb out and neglect necessary day-to-day responsibilities, like getting car insurance or pet insurance, or making doctors’ appointments?
Follow me? Recognize your part in creating the problems that keep sabotaging you. Remember how I recognized that my freak-outs were making it impossible for my business partner to keep me up to date about things (which is what I needed him to do to prevent me from freaking out). You are the only person who can end your own crazy cycles of self-destruction. Recognize them for what they are; take this time to pinpoint as many of yours as you can .
JUST STOP!
Once you have identified your contributions to the self-defeating patterns in your life, you have to stop them and implement replacement behaviors.
As soon as you see yourself starting to fall back into an old behavior, STOP. Take a step back or a deep breath—whatever you need to do to slow yourself down and become conscious of what you are doing. Before you act, put yourself through a little consciousness exercise. Think about your goal, and how the behavior you’re about to engage in will help or delay its achievement. How can you adjust your behavior and your attitude to better serve you?
If you know that when you feel lonely, you become insanely needy and pester your friends until they want to lose your phone number, then think of something you can do to counteract thatloneliness before it sabotages your relationships. Go for a jog to get your endorphins pumping, so you feel strong and capable. Pick up a hobby or project that you are passionate about, and lose yourself in it for a couple of hours. Consider adopting a pet (but not when you are out of house and home).
IT’S A REACH
When you are feeling vulnerable and fearing rejection, rather than rejecting the other person or situation and shutting down, try reaching out instead. If a guy flakes out on you for a date, don’t play games and not return his call for two days. That only breeds more game playing, which gets the two of you nowhere. Instead tell him that you really like him, but it hurt your feelings when he canceled, and it felt disrespectful. If he can’t respect that and change his ways, then you know he is not a person for you to be dating, and you can move on. Most likely he’ll apologize and tell you that he likes you as well and didn’t realize it hurt your feelings, and that in the future he will make efforts to keep his plans with you.
It’s scary to expose our feelings and open ourselves up, so it will take time to adopt these new behaviors. But you will realize that it’s the only way to build true intimacy and a fulfilled, enriched life. And even if you are rejected, you’ll survive it with the knowledge that you cleaned up your side of the street and did the right thing.
SWAP IT OUT
Maybe you’re the kind of person who, when anxious, obsesses and reacts impulsively in ways that only add fuel to the fire. If so, then think of something you can do in response to anxiety so you don’t make matters worse. Take a bubble bath, go for a half-hour massage on your lunch hour, try journaling, or do something comforting and gentle. But you must counteract the anxiety so that you can stop your problematic self-destructive behavior in its tracks.You could do what my editor does—go kick and punch someone—but only in a contained environment, and only if you’re sparring. Take a kickboxing class or study martial arts. Not only will it help you feel empowered and strong, but it will also help you “kick” that anxiety
Do you reject the rejecter?
Do you become overly controlling and determined to overcome the problem at hand?
Do you become anxious, impulsive, or flustered?
Do you do things to distract yourself that end up causing chaos (like rescuing several dogs when you are momentarily homeless)?
Do you rebel and cause more damage out of spite (like binge-eating to get back at your parents for not loving you unconditionally)?
Do you numb out and neglect necessary day-to-day responsibilities, like getting car insurance or pet insurance, or making doctors’ appointments?
Follow me? Recognize your part in creating the problems that keep sabotaging you. Remember how I recognized that my freak-outs were making it impossible for my business partner to keep me up to date about things (which is what I needed him to do to prevent me from freaking out). You are the only person who can end your own crazy cycles of self-destruction. Recognize them for what they are; take this time to pinpoint as many of yours as you can .
JUST STOP!
Once you have identified your contributions to the self-defeating patterns in your life, you have to stop them and implement replacement behaviors.
As soon as you see yourself starting to fall back into an old behavior, STOP. Take a step back or a deep breath—whatever you need to do to slow yourself down and become conscious of what you are doing. Before you act, put yourself through a little consciousness exercise. Think about your goal, and how the behavior you’re about to engage in will help or delay its achievement. How can you adjust your behavior and your attitude to better serve you?
If you know that when you feel lonely, you become insanely needy and pester your friends until they want to lose your phone number, then think of something you can do to counteract thatloneliness before it sabotages your relationships. Go for a jog to get your endorphins pumping, so you feel strong and capable. Pick up a hobby or project that you are passionate about, and lose yourself in it for a couple of hours. Consider adopting a pet (but not when you are out of house and home).
IT’S A REACH
When you are feeling vulnerable and fearing rejection, rather than rejecting the other person or situation and shutting down, try reaching out instead. If a guy flakes out on you for a date, don’t play games and not return his call for two days. That only breeds more game playing, which gets the two of you nowhere. Instead tell him that you really like him, but it hurt your feelings when he canceled, and it felt disrespectful. If he can’t respect that and change his ways, then you know he is not a person for you to be dating, and you can move on. Most likely he’ll apologize and tell you that he likes you as well and didn’t realize it hurt your feelings, and that in the future he will make efforts to keep his plans with you.
It’s scary to expose our feelings and open ourselves up, so it will take time to adopt these new behaviors. But you will realize that it’s the only way to build true intimacy and a fulfilled, enriched life. And even if you are rejected, you’ll survive it with the knowledge that you cleaned up your side of the street and did the right thing.
SWAP IT OUT
Maybe you’re the kind of person who, when anxious, obsesses and reacts impulsively in ways that only add fuel to the fire. If so, then think of something you can do in response to anxiety so you don’t make matters worse. Take a bubble bath, go for a half-hour massage on your lunch hour, try journaling, or do something comforting and gentle. But you must counteract the anxiety so that you can stop your problematic self-destructive behavior in its tracks.You could do what my editor does—go kick and punch someone—but only in a contained environment, and only if you’re sparring. Take a kickboxing class or study martial arts. Not only will it help you feel empowered and strong, but it will also help you “kick” that anxiety
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