belongs with Jeremy, but it just hurts so much. I’ve been an emotional mess since this whole thing blew up in my face. I’ve been sad, angry, resentful, bitter, and numb. I think I hate the numbness the most. I can’t even blame the alcohol anymore for that. Well, except for tonight. I think I could have done without my friend Jack.
“Cade. Cade, wake up. Did you hear me?” Scott shakes me out of my introspection.
“What?”
“You’re going to need to apologize. You get that, right? Mattie deserves an apology. She’s probably crying her eyes out right now. She really was looking forward to tonight. She’s been telling Jeremy how great we are.” Scott gives me a pleased smile. Yes, Scott loves to be complimented.
“I know. Just get off my back for a while. I’ll go see her in a couple days.”
Scott stops me, grabbing me by the shoulders. “Oh, no you don’t! You do not wait on this, Cade. You do not want that girl crying one minute longer than she has to. You go see her tomorrow morning. I’ll call her tonight and smooth things over. I’m sure Jeremy would like to punch you again after this stunt you pulled tonight.”
Jeremy, that’s right. He’s already hit me once. He feels very passionately about Mattie. That’s crystal clear.
“Okay, Scott. I’ll do it. It might kill me, or Jeremy might kill me, but I’ll go see them tomorrow.”
I need to get into bed as soon as possible to see if I can sleepoff the now pounding headache and beginnings of a hangover. Scott leans over and takes my keys.
“I wasn’t going to drive. I may be stupid, but I’m not an idiot.”
∗∗∗
I hesitate before knocking on Mattie’s door. I’ve gone over this a hundred times since last night, and got very little sleep. After tossing and turning for three hours, the best I can come up with is the truth. I’ll need to be honest. I knock quietly, perhaps hoping she won’t answer so I can go home.
The door opens slowly. Mattie’s face come into full view. Scott was right. Her eyes are red-rimmed and swollen. She’s been crying. I hope it was someone else and not me that has made her cry, but deep down I know better.
Tears slip from her eyes as we both say at once, “I’m sorry.” What? Why is she apologizing to me? I’m the ass here.
She sees the look of confusion on my face. “I came too soon, Cade. I’m so sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was make this whole thing harder for you.”
I shake my head. “No, it was my fault. I should’ve been clear. To be honest, part of me did want you to come, but I guess I wasn’tready for Jeremy yet.”
She reaches over and takes my hand. “Where are my manners? Come in.”
I walk hesitantly into her home, the one she now shares with Jeremy. Maybe this will be good for me. I brace myself for the flood of emotions I know are behind the dam I’ve constructed for myself. Mattie and Jeremy purchased a home on Mercer Island, right on the lake. This house suits Mattie like a dream. It even has the white picket fence outside.
Mattie leads me into a large living room with windows facing the tranquil Lake Washington. The room reminds me a lot of her apartment at The Mercer, warm tones and a cozy feel. Domestic.
I sit down in the chair across from her, my mind drawing a blank. She leans back in hers, studying me.
She whispers, “I miss you, Cade.”
I nod in acknowledgment. “I miss you, too, Mattie.”
“How do we fix this?” she asks.
“You dump Jeremy?” We both laugh. It feels good.
“I’ll get over this, Mattie. I’m a work in progress.”
A few tears escape her eyes. “I just want you to be happy. Ididn’t like seeing you that way last night.” Mattie looks down at the floor. She’s at a loss for words, just like me. This isn’t like us.
Suddenly, a glimmer of light enters my brain. I do want a friendship with Mattie. I don’t want her to feel bad. Her happiness is more important than my feelings of rejection, my bruised ego. I did
“Cade. Cade, wake up. Did you hear me?” Scott shakes me out of my introspection.
“What?”
“You’re going to need to apologize. You get that, right? Mattie deserves an apology. She’s probably crying her eyes out right now. She really was looking forward to tonight. She’s been telling Jeremy how great we are.” Scott gives me a pleased smile. Yes, Scott loves to be complimented.
“I know. Just get off my back for a while. I’ll go see her in a couple days.”
Scott stops me, grabbing me by the shoulders. “Oh, no you don’t! You do not wait on this, Cade. You do not want that girl crying one minute longer than she has to. You go see her tomorrow morning. I’ll call her tonight and smooth things over. I’m sure Jeremy would like to punch you again after this stunt you pulled tonight.”
Jeremy, that’s right. He’s already hit me once. He feels very passionately about Mattie. That’s crystal clear.
“Okay, Scott. I’ll do it. It might kill me, or Jeremy might kill me, but I’ll go see them tomorrow.”
I need to get into bed as soon as possible to see if I can sleepoff the now pounding headache and beginnings of a hangover. Scott leans over and takes my keys.
“I wasn’t going to drive. I may be stupid, but I’m not an idiot.”
∗∗∗
I hesitate before knocking on Mattie’s door. I’ve gone over this a hundred times since last night, and got very little sleep. After tossing and turning for three hours, the best I can come up with is the truth. I’ll need to be honest. I knock quietly, perhaps hoping she won’t answer so I can go home.
The door opens slowly. Mattie’s face come into full view. Scott was right. Her eyes are red-rimmed and swollen. She’s been crying. I hope it was someone else and not me that has made her cry, but deep down I know better.
Tears slip from her eyes as we both say at once, “I’m sorry.” What? Why is she apologizing to me? I’m the ass here.
She sees the look of confusion on my face. “I came too soon, Cade. I’m so sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was make this whole thing harder for you.”
I shake my head. “No, it was my fault. I should’ve been clear. To be honest, part of me did want you to come, but I guess I wasn’tready for Jeremy yet.”
She reaches over and takes my hand. “Where are my manners? Come in.”
I walk hesitantly into her home, the one she now shares with Jeremy. Maybe this will be good for me. I brace myself for the flood of emotions I know are behind the dam I’ve constructed for myself. Mattie and Jeremy purchased a home on Mercer Island, right on the lake. This house suits Mattie like a dream. It even has the white picket fence outside.
Mattie leads me into a large living room with windows facing the tranquil Lake Washington. The room reminds me a lot of her apartment at The Mercer, warm tones and a cozy feel. Domestic.
I sit down in the chair across from her, my mind drawing a blank. She leans back in hers, studying me.
She whispers, “I miss you, Cade.”
I nod in acknowledgment. “I miss you, too, Mattie.”
“How do we fix this?” she asks.
“You dump Jeremy?” We both laugh. It feels good.
“I’ll get over this, Mattie. I’m a work in progress.”
A few tears escape her eyes. “I just want you to be happy. Ididn’t like seeing you that way last night.” Mattie looks down at the floor. She’s at a loss for words, just like me. This isn’t like us.
Suddenly, a glimmer of light enters my brain. I do want a friendship with Mattie. I don’t want her to feel bad. Her happiness is more important than my feelings of rejection, my bruised ego. I did
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