Unfriended by Rachel Vail

at me. Brooke says not to worry, that Natasha is just moody and has to chill for a while. Better to not engage.
    It’s hard not to engage when every time I say anything in school she is there, slicing her narrow eyes away from me. I get the feeling she thinks it’s somehow my fault, this fight she had with Brooke. Brooke doesn’t want to discuss it. She just said, “Well, after that stuff Natasha said . . .”
    â€œWhat stuff?” I asked.
    Brooke closed her eyes slowly. “You’re right.”
    â€œAbout what?”
    â€œNo,” Brooke said. “My bad. I shouldn’t have even . . . I respect that you don’t want to talk about it.”
    â€œOkay,” I said, though I did want to talk about it.
    â€œBut I’m glad you reached out to me,” Brooke whispered. “It was the right thing to do.”
    â€œI did?”
    â€œI know you didn’t ask for help. I just, anyway. Moving on, right?”
    â€œRight,” I said. “So anyway, about, I mean, I don’t know what Natasha—”
    â€œI don’t either,” Brooke interrupted. “But you know what? There comes a point where you have to just say, no way.”
    â€œI guess,” I said, though honestly, what?
    But then we had to rush to get to eighth period.
    Maybe something happened after I got picked up at five thirty at the pizza place last week? Or maybe something to do with Clay? Because he and Brooke are very close and I know Natasha dumped him. He apparently had terrible breath and was a too-forceful kisser, which sounds really awful. But maybe he just didn’t know how to kiss well, because maybe it was his first kiss and didn’t realize. And maybe he just forgot to brush his teeth. That could happen to a person, especially one as laid-back as Clay. And maybe Natasha was too harsh about it and Brooke defended him.
    But if that’s not it, maybe there’s some unwritten rule Natasha violated. If I don’t know the rule
,
I could do the same unforgivable thing by accident. So it’s not purely generosity and wanting to help my friends make up, if I’m honest. There’s also the selfish question of: what did she
do
?
    Maybe it was flirting?
    Natasha told me that everybody was talking about how flirtatious I’ve been. I know they all say that about her. Maybe that’s what she did wrong?
    And so maybe I’m next to get kicked out?
    Mom noticed my nails. I knew she would. I’m covered in Bite No More and Band-Aids now. I look like I’m heading home from war.
    Last night after the boys left Evangeline’s house, Lulu asked me who I like, Clay or Jack. I don’t really have a good answer to that other than gobble up my own fingers. I forced them into my pockets and shrugged instead.
    Brooke said, “Truly’s very private about that stuff.”
    But that’s not really why I’m not saying who I like.
    I barely know Clay, but I think he’s in love with Brooke. They talk in almost a private language, a rhythm nobody else can get in on, like they’re playing double Dutch but everybody else at best can do regular jump rope. They seem like they’re already a couple even though they don’t realize it.
    And about Jack: he is very sweet, and distractingly good-looking. But I can’t even see him without thinking of my knee innards. Also he scares me a little. He picked me up and carried me to the nurse’s office after I got hurt. He held me like I was a pile of summer laundry.
    I know I am small for my age, but I weigh more than a pile of cotton sundresses. My own father hasn’t picked me up since I turned nine. Jack might be bigger than my
dad.
Which feels not okay.
    Plus, while he was holding me in the nurse’s office, I think a small amount of nose goo may have gotten onto Jack’s shirt. From my nose. So there’s that to be embarrassed about, too.
    But mostly, I just