she moved the dial on the fan a
little.
“ Are
you going to school?" he asked after a few blocks.
"Yeah,
nearly a month under my belt."
"No
more nanny work."
"No,
someone took over my job. I go visit sometimes." She missed
them. More than she thought she would. That surprised her. It faded
over time, as she got busy with school.
"Good.
So school, do you know…" He didn't look at her, but he
was winding down the streets.
"If
I'll go to school after the baby is born? I doubt it." She had
gone over the possibilities in her mind numerous times. Abortion,
adoption, keeping the baby and being a single mom. A single mom who
went to school or worked. Or letting Corey support them until the
baby was older. She hadn't ever figured Chris into the equation. Now
that he knew, it was all she thought about.
Waiting
for Dad. She remembered doing that as a child. When her dad came
around it was sporadic, leaving her always waiting for him. She
adored him. She was nine when she finally gave up hope he'd return.
It had been two years since she had seen him, her mother constantly
frustrated by Tonya's longing for her paternal parent. Her mother had
ever right to be frustrated, she worked her ass off to support Tonya,
with little thanks and no help. Tonya no longer felt neglected by her
mother, she'd done the best she could. She was much a victim of
circumstance. Two children, two fathers, both assholes.
She
glanced toward Chris. How long it would take before he disappeared?
Before his interest in her or the baby would dissipate? She'd have to
be like her mother and take what she could when she could. She hated
knowing that when he left, she'd have to rely on Corey and Nicole,
but she didn't want to end up bitter either.
If
she let herself want, she wanted a relationship like Corey's. She
wanted someone to love her through anything. She wanted someone to
support her, no matter the choice. She wanted a family.
She
had to keep that urge buried. She wasn't going to have a family right
now. Not with Chris. He'd stick around now, in twelve months, he'd
put her up in a house somewhere and he'd slowly disappear from her
life. Guys like him didn't love women like her. Poor, plain nobodies
from the wrong side of town. That was her expectation.
She
needed to plan to support herself and her baby. She put her hand over
her belly.
"We're
here," he said. She was surprised, his place wasn't far from
home. Ten or fifteen minutes. She had no idea exactly. Had that been
deliberate?
She
looked out the windshield. They were in front of a small apartment
building. "What floor do you live on?"
"Fourth.
I wish I'd gone for the two bedroom, but it seemed like a lot of
money and space for just me."
"I
can stay at Corey's." She wanted to test him to see how much he
wanted to be with her. "If you want. I don't want to be in your
way." She was testing herself, as well, to see how she felt
about everything happening to her. She'd taken the reins once, and
look where it had gotten her.
"I
really do want you here. I want to experience everything with this
pregnancy." He stopped as if something occurred to him. New
information.
She
tilted her head as she waited. "What?" she finally
demanded.
"I
never asked, I assumed, that you'd keep the baby. Raise her."
"Or
him." She nodded, trying to get around whatever was stuck in her
throat. "I thought about ending it or adoption, but I love kids.
I've dreamed of having a baby. I dunno." If she couldn't have
Chris, she could have a piece of him. Her heart clenched. "I
knew I had Corey and Nic, if nothing else and they wouldn't let me
fall."
"You've
got me now, too."
"I
feel like I've trapped you. After that day, when we… I should
have taken the morning after pill. Maybe it was a subconscious
attempt at getting pregnant."
"We
should go in," he said, not addressing her fears.
"Right."
She followed him.
The
apartment was basic. Sparse, no frills. He kept it tidy, but he'd
only been here a week or two. The fridge
little.
“ Are
you going to school?" he asked after a few blocks.
"Yeah,
nearly a month under my belt."
"No
more nanny work."
"No,
someone took over my job. I go visit sometimes." She missed
them. More than she thought she would. That surprised her. It faded
over time, as she got busy with school.
"Good.
So school, do you know…" He didn't look at her, but he
was winding down the streets.
"If
I'll go to school after the baby is born? I doubt it." She had
gone over the possibilities in her mind numerous times. Abortion,
adoption, keeping the baby and being a single mom. A single mom who
went to school or worked. Or letting Corey support them until the
baby was older. She hadn't ever figured Chris into the equation. Now
that he knew, it was all she thought about.
Waiting
for Dad. She remembered doing that as a child. When her dad came
around it was sporadic, leaving her always waiting for him. She
adored him. She was nine when she finally gave up hope he'd return.
It had been two years since she had seen him, her mother constantly
frustrated by Tonya's longing for her paternal parent. Her mother had
ever right to be frustrated, she worked her ass off to support Tonya,
with little thanks and no help. Tonya no longer felt neglected by her
mother, she'd done the best she could. She was much a victim of
circumstance. Two children, two fathers, both assholes.
She
glanced toward Chris. How long it would take before he disappeared?
Before his interest in her or the baby would dissipate? She'd have to
be like her mother and take what she could when she could. She hated
knowing that when he left, she'd have to rely on Corey and Nicole,
but she didn't want to end up bitter either.
If
she let herself want, she wanted a relationship like Corey's. She
wanted someone to love her through anything. She wanted someone to
support her, no matter the choice. She wanted a family.
She
had to keep that urge buried. She wasn't going to have a family right
now. Not with Chris. He'd stick around now, in twelve months, he'd
put her up in a house somewhere and he'd slowly disappear from her
life. Guys like him didn't love women like her. Poor, plain nobodies
from the wrong side of town. That was her expectation.
She
needed to plan to support herself and her baby. She put her hand over
her belly.
"We're
here," he said. She was surprised, his place wasn't far from
home. Ten or fifteen minutes. She had no idea exactly. Had that been
deliberate?
She
looked out the windshield. They were in front of a small apartment
building. "What floor do you live on?"
"Fourth.
I wish I'd gone for the two bedroom, but it seemed like a lot of
money and space for just me."
"I
can stay at Corey's." She wanted to test him to see how much he
wanted to be with her. "If you want. I don't want to be in your
way." She was testing herself, as well, to see how she felt
about everything happening to her. She'd taken the reins once, and
look where it had gotten her.
"I
really do want you here. I want to experience everything with this
pregnancy." He stopped as if something occurred to him. New
information.
She
tilted her head as she waited. "What?" she finally
demanded.
"I
never asked, I assumed, that you'd keep the baby. Raise her."
"Or
him." She nodded, trying to get around whatever was stuck in her
throat. "I thought about ending it or adoption, but I love kids.
I've dreamed of having a baby. I dunno." If she couldn't have
Chris, she could have a piece of him. Her heart clenched. "I
knew I had Corey and Nic, if nothing else and they wouldn't let me
fall."
"You've
got me now, too."
"I
feel like I've trapped you. After that day, when we… I should
have taken the morning after pill. Maybe it was a subconscious
attempt at getting pregnant."
"We
should go in," he said, not addressing her fears.
"Right."
She followed him.
The
apartment was basic. Sparse, no frills. He kept it tidy, but he'd
only been here a week or two. The fridge
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