of stuff.
“You believe in that?”
“No,” I shake my head, “not really. But how else do you explain it?” I can see he is thinking and processing right now. He turns to look at me and then my phone starts ringing. I jump, I forgot that I had been carrying it with me. “Hello?”
“Jo?”
“Yeah.”
“Hey, it’s Ryan.”
“Yeah, I know. What do you want?” I turn and walk toward the steps that lead down to the lawn.
“I just got an email from Chief saying we are having a division meeting Monday afternoon.”
“Yeah, and?”
“I'm assuming this has to do with what happened this morning?”
“You know what; I really am not in the mood to talk about this right now. Why don’t you just show up like the email says and find out just like everyone else?”
“Jo, I'm sorry about this morning ok? I have had a lot going on lately and took it out on you.”
“Kiss my ass Ryan; you have had a lot going on? Do you seriously think that gives you the right to treat other people like shit? I am not having this conversation with you, good bye.” I hang up. I turn back toward Jake. I see him staring at me and I just lose it and start crying. I can’t help it. He walks over to me and pulls me into a hug. He doesn’t say anything just holds me as I cry like a baby in his arms. I wrap my arms around his waist and don’t want to let go.
I finally get myself under control and step back away from him a little bit. “You ok?” He looks down at me.
“I feel like an idiot, but yeah I'm fine.” I wipe the tears away off my cheeks.
“Why do you feel like an idiot?”
“Because I was just crying like a baby,” I sit down on the top step of the stairs and look out across the lawn again.
“Because you are stressed out?” He sits next to me and starts rubbing my back.
“I don’t know why. I think I am overwhelmed by the last couple days. Moving, this crap at work, and you.” I look up at him.
He turns to me. “Is it too much? I told you Jo, I want you to be comfortable and if this is too much too fast then we can back off.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s not that at all. I think I am just realizing that it is time to move forward with this part of my life and it scares me. I mean what if this doesn’t work out between us, and then there I am back at the dating game again. There is a reason I didn’t date for the last two years.”
“Well, for one, don’t think about the “what ifs” and just be happy with what is here right now,” he moves closer to me. “If you want me here, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere.”
“What about what you said after we kissed?”
“That this is crazy? Because it is. Who has a connection like that after knowing each other for two days? I have never had this before so I have no idea what is going on.”
“So what does that mean?”
“I don’t know. I think it means that I really want this to work. But I don’t know how to act on it. I mean when we kissed it was amazing, and I feel like I have known you forever. I just wish I knew what you were thinking.”
I look at him, and see that he really means it. “I am thinking that this is crazy. I have fallen for you hardcore and it scares the shit out of me, but I'm happy. But as I realize that I have fallen for you I remember who you are. And I think that scares me more, because I don’t know if I can handle being in your spotlight that you have.”
“Is that what worries you? You think it will become about the public attention?”
“I just don’t know if I can handle it. I mean I could barely handle the public attention I got locally when Jarrod was killed, I don’t know how I would do with national, possible worldwide attention.”
“I think you would do just fine with it, I think after the first hype of the “dating a local girl” headline it would be over.”
“You really think so?”
“Yes, I do. Not many
“You believe in that?”
“No,” I shake my head, “not really. But how else do you explain it?” I can see he is thinking and processing right now. He turns to look at me and then my phone starts ringing. I jump, I forgot that I had been carrying it with me. “Hello?”
“Jo?”
“Yeah.”
“Hey, it’s Ryan.”
“Yeah, I know. What do you want?” I turn and walk toward the steps that lead down to the lawn.
“I just got an email from Chief saying we are having a division meeting Monday afternoon.”
“Yeah, and?”
“I'm assuming this has to do with what happened this morning?”
“You know what; I really am not in the mood to talk about this right now. Why don’t you just show up like the email says and find out just like everyone else?”
“Jo, I'm sorry about this morning ok? I have had a lot going on lately and took it out on you.”
“Kiss my ass Ryan; you have had a lot going on? Do you seriously think that gives you the right to treat other people like shit? I am not having this conversation with you, good bye.” I hang up. I turn back toward Jake. I see him staring at me and I just lose it and start crying. I can’t help it. He walks over to me and pulls me into a hug. He doesn’t say anything just holds me as I cry like a baby in his arms. I wrap my arms around his waist and don’t want to let go.
I finally get myself under control and step back away from him a little bit. “You ok?” He looks down at me.
“I feel like an idiot, but yeah I'm fine.” I wipe the tears away off my cheeks.
“Why do you feel like an idiot?”
“Because I was just crying like a baby,” I sit down on the top step of the stairs and look out across the lawn again.
“Because you are stressed out?” He sits next to me and starts rubbing my back.
“I don’t know why. I think I am overwhelmed by the last couple days. Moving, this crap at work, and you.” I look up at him.
He turns to me. “Is it too much? I told you Jo, I want you to be comfortable and if this is too much too fast then we can back off.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s not that at all. I think I am just realizing that it is time to move forward with this part of my life and it scares me. I mean what if this doesn’t work out between us, and then there I am back at the dating game again. There is a reason I didn’t date for the last two years.”
“Well, for one, don’t think about the “what ifs” and just be happy with what is here right now,” he moves closer to me. “If you want me here, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere.”
“What about what you said after we kissed?”
“That this is crazy? Because it is. Who has a connection like that after knowing each other for two days? I have never had this before so I have no idea what is going on.”
“So what does that mean?”
“I don’t know. I think it means that I really want this to work. But I don’t know how to act on it. I mean when we kissed it was amazing, and I feel like I have known you forever. I just wish I knew what you were thinking.”
I look at him, and see that he really means it. “I am thinking that this is crazy. I have fallen for you hardcore and it scares the shit out of me, but I'm happy. But as I realize that I have fallen for you I remember who you are. And I think that scares me more, because I don’t know if I can handle being in your spotlight that you have.”
“Is that what worries you? You think it will become about the public attention?”
“I just don’t know if I can handle it. I mean I could barely handle the public attention I got locally when Jarrod was killed, I don’t know how I would do with national, possible worldwide attention.”
“I think you would do just fine with it, I think after the first hype of the “dating a local girl” headline it would be over.”
“You really think so?”
“Yes, I do. Not many
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