cares every day. I am being selfish wanting more. I lay back and stare at the ceiling, wondering what I’m going to do about my actions, but I’m interrupted by the buzzing of the alarm clock. I switch it off and get out of bed, back to the morning routine.
Back from school I text Monique.
Emergency.
She texts back.
I have some time owing. I can get out for twelve-thirty. We arrange to meet at Etta’s. I spend the next three hours watching the clock go round.
‘So what’s the great emergency, then? Better not be because you’ve forgotten my rules and bought eight identical v-neck t-shirts in different colours.’
I stick out my tongue. ‘You’re so funny. Thank God you could meet me.’
‘I was bored out of my brains. I’d have met you if you were just hungry.’
‘Well, I wish I was just hungry.’ I took a deep breath. ‘I snogged Seb.’
Monique starts laughing. ‘Is that all? This is you, Mrs needs attention, who hasn’t been getting any, then a cute guy comes along and wants in your pants. I’m not the slightest bit surprised.’
My face falls. ‘I’ve not done anything like this before.’
‘That’s because Niall generally comes around and there isn’t a stud muffin waiting in the wings. Did you nearly have sex?’
‘God, no.’
‘Well then, what’s the problem? It was just a snog.’
‘The problem is that I feel guilty about it, but don’t regret it. It was amazing,’ I snap.
‘And this is Joe’s teacher next year? Shame Joe’s an angel really. You won’t get kept back after school.’
‘Can you not take anything seriously?’
‘I’m trying to balance you, you take things too seriously. Look, are you going to snog him again?’
‘Certainly not.’
‘Well then, no harm done, and you’ve had a bit of fun. Can we eat now?’
Sometimes Monique can be really supportive and other times, like today, she just doesn’t understand. I wonder what her relationship with Toby was like. She doesn’t talk about him much, but I’m guessing it made her build walls because she’s kept every relationship since really light. Our cheese and onion toasties arrive. I’m ravenous and dive straight in. Monique smells hers and pulls a face. ‘This smells weird,’ she says. ‘I’m not eating that.’
I pull her plate towards me and have a smell. ‘Mon, there’s nothing wrong with it,’ I say. ‘It smells fine.’
She takes a bite and pulls a face. ‘’I’ll get some crisps.’
‘You are beyond weird,’ I state. ‘Were you perhaps drinking with Dr Love last night? Mon?’
‘Sorry, I was miles away. No. He was working yesterday afternoon and the same tonight. I might not see him until Monday. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. Actually I’m starting to feel a bit shit, I think after here I’ll go to bed.’
‘You okay?’
‘Yeah, fine, its working at that damn hospital with all those bloody bugs.’
I finish my sandwich and we leave, Monique gives me a peck on the cheek and a hug. As we part she whispers, ‘One more snog wouldn’t hurt.’
I get home and clean the house from top to bottom, pushing my body through scrubbing at marks on walls and floors, and ignoring the fact that if I wasn’t feeling so guilty I wouldn’t be doing this. I wonder if I’ll see Seb when I fetch Joe from school. I don’t usually but will he make it happen? I bet I’m another notch now, just one he had to work a bit harder for, and now he’s cracked it.
I crash onto the settee throwing off my cardigan as I’m so damn hot from rushing around. I grab a hair tie from the coffee table and fasten my hair into a bun at the back of my head. My chest is pumping up and down through the exertion. I grab the laptop and log on to catch up on mail. I have a Facebook friend request from a Mr Uri Kent. I fire a message back. ‘Your name is offensive. Do I know you?’
Later, I log back on to find another message from Mr Kent. ‘I think you know me quite well,
Back from school I text Monique.
Emergency.
She texts back.
I have some time owing. I can get out for twelve-thirty. We arrange to meet at Etta’s. I spend the next three hours watching the clock go round.
‘So what’s the great emergency, then? Better not be because you’ve forgotten my rules and bought eight identical v-neck t-shirts in different colours.’
I stick out my tongue. ‘You’re so funny. Thank God you could meet me.’
‘I was bored out of my brains. I’d have met you if you were just hungry.’
‘Well, I wish I was just hungry.’ I took a deep breath. ‘I snogged Seb.’
Monique starts laughing. ‘Is that all? This is you, Mrs needs attention, who hasn’t been getting any, then a cute guy comes along and wants in your pants. I’m not the slightest bit surprised.’
My face falls. ‘I’ve not done anything like this before.’
‘That’s because Niall generally comes around and there isn’t a stud muffin waiting in the wings. Did you nearly have sex?’
‘God, no.’
‘Well then, what’s the problem? It was just a snog.’
‘The problem is that I feel guilty about it, but don’t regret it. It was amazing,’ I snap.
‘And this is Joe’s teacher next year? Shame Joe’s an angel really. You won’t get kept back after school.’
‘Can you not take anything seriously?’
‘I’m trying to balance you, you take things too seriously. Look, are you going to snog him again?’
‘Certainly not.’
‘Well then, no harm done, and you’ve had a bit of fun. Can we eat now?’
Sometimes Monique can be really supportive and other times, like today, she just doesn’t understand. I wonder what her relationship with Toby was like. She doesn’t talk about him much, but I’m guessing it made her build walls because she’s kept every relationship since really light. Our cheese and onion toasties arrive. I’m ravenous and dive straight in. Monique smells hers and pulls a face. ‘This smells weird,’ she says. ‘I’m not eating that.’
I pull her plate towards me and have a smell. ‘Mon, there’s nothing wrong with it,’ I say. ‘It smells fine.’
She takes a bite and pulls a face. ‘’I’ll get some crisps.’
‘You are beyond weird,’ I state. ‘Were you perhaps drinking with Dr Love last night? Mon?’
‘Sorry, I was miles away. No. He was working yesterday afternoon and the same tonight. I might not see him until Monday. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. Actually I’m starting to feel a bit shit, I think after here I’ll go to bed.’
‘You okay?’
‘Yeah, fine, its working at that damn hospital with all those bloody bugs.’
I finish my sandwich and we leave, Monique gives me a peck on the cheek and a hug. As we part she whispers, ‘One more snog wouldn’t hurt.’
I get home and clean the house from top to bottom, pushing my body through scrubbing at marks on walls and floors, and ignoring the fact that if I wasn’t feeling so guilty I wouldn’t be doing this. I wonder if I’ll see Seb when I fetch Joe from school. I don’t usually but will he make it happen? I bet I’m another notch now, just one he had to work a bit harder for, and now he’s cracked it.
I crash onto the settee throwing off my cardigan as I’m so damn hot from rushing around. I grab a hair tie from the coffee table and fasten my hair into a bun at the back of my head. My chest is pumping up and down through the exertion. I grab the laptop and log on to catch up on mail. I have a Facebook friend request from a Mr Uri Kent. I fire a message back. ‘Your name is offensive. Do I know you?’
Later, I log back on to find another message from Mr Kent. ‘I think you know me quite well,
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