Uncle John’s Heavy Duty Bathroom Reader@ by Bathroom Readers’ Institute Page B
Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
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the native name for the river. On November 19, more than 10 months after leaving England, Park’s party, now reduced to two officers, three enlisted men, three slaves, and a local guide named Isaaco, pushed off and headed downstream. Before leaving, Park sent Isaaco back to Gambia with a pack of letters to be taken home by ship. To his superiors at the Colonial Office, he wrote: “I shall discover the termination of the Niger or perish in the attempt.” It was the last anyone ever heard from him.
England has banned bagpipes twice: in 1560 and 1746. (They were considered tools of war.)
WHERE’D HE GO?
When enough time passed to convince British officials that something had gone amiss with the expedition, they made sporadic attempts to find Mungo Park, even hiring Park’s guide, Isaaco, to go back to the Niger to look for him. But aside from various rumors—Park had been killed by bandits, he’d been kidnapped by slave traders, he’d gone mad and run off to live in the desert like a monk—nothing conclusive was uncovered. Then in 1810, Isaaco returned with a dramatic report of the explorer’s death. Park and his companions, he said, had run the course of the Niger for more than 1,000 miles, fighting off hostile tribal attacks the entire way. Their luck ran out at the Bussa Rapids near the Guinea coast. The tribute Park intended for the local king was stolen by a go-between, and when the Joliba ran aground on a rock, the angry monarch sent his warriors to collect his toll. Unable to free the boat, and under a constant hail of arrows and spears, the desperate Englishmen (only Park and three others were left) jumped into the raging rapids and drowned. When pressed for proof, Isaaco admitted he had nothing to back up his story except hearsay.
IN HIS FATHER’S FOOTSTEPS
Thomas Park was only a boy when his father, Mungo Park, disappeared. Young Thomas refused to accept that his father was dead, believing instead that he must have been taken prisoner. In 1827 he led a rescue expedition from the coast of Guinea. He had traveled only a few days inland when he came down with a fever and died. As for Mungo Park, no trace of him—clothing, personal effects, skeletal remains—was ever found.
COCONUCTOPUS
A strange defense mechanism of the octopus is to wrap six of its legs around its body so it resembles a coconut. Then it uses its other two legs to slowly walk backward, out of danger.
More than 50% of the world’s population owns a mobile phone.
GOVERN-MENTAL
Politicians do the strangest things .
S ENDING A MESSAGE—GODFATHER STYLE
Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell was trying to convince lawmakers in 2010 to vote for his proposed natural gas extraction tax. When Rep. Tim Solobay, a fellow Democrat, said he was against the tax, Rendell purchased a Tim Solobay bobble-head doll, removed the head, placed it inside a small box along with a note that urged Solobay’s support, and sent it to the Representative’s office. Solobay got the message—and the joke—and promised to reconsider his position. He also said the gesture was a “big hit” among Democrats. Pennsylvania Republicans, however, were less amused. A spokesman for House Minority Leader Rep. Sam Smith said, “Personally I don’t see the humor in sending any sort of head to anyone. I think it is kind of sickening.”
BUT NOT A DROP TO DRINK
In 2003 officials in Hudson, New York, were ordered by the Americans with Disabilities Act to install handicapped-accessible water fountains in the county courthouse. Five years later, they finally got around to installing just one of the fountains…the one on the second floor. And there’s no elevator in the building. County Public Works Commissioner David Robinson defended the inaccessible handicap-accessible water fountain, saying it’s easier for people who have trouble bending (which makes no sense—the new water fountain is actually several inches shorter than the one on the first floor). Robinson pledged
England has banned bagpipes twice: in 1560 and 1746. (They were considered tools of war.)
WHERE’D HE GO?
When enough time passed to convince British officials that something had gone amiss with the expedition, they made sporadic attempts to find Mungo Park, even hiring Park’s guide, Isaaco, to go back to the Niger to look for him. But aside from various rumors—Park had been killed by bandits, he’d been kidnapped by slave traders, he’d gone mad and run off to live in the desert like a monk—nothing conclusive was uncovered. Then in 1810, Isaaco returned with a dramatic report of the explorer’s death. Park and his companions, he said, had run the course of the Niger for more than 1,000 miles, fighting off hostile tribal attacks the entire way. Their luck ran out at the Bussa Rapids near the Guinea coast. The tribute Park intended for the local king was stolen by a go-between, and when the Joliba ran aground on a rock, the angry monarch sent his warriors to collect his toll. Unable to free the boat, and under a constant hail of arrows and spears, the desperate Englishmen (only Park and three others were left) jumped into the raging rapids and drowned. When pressed for proof, Isaaco admitted he had nothing to back up his story except hearsay.
IN HIS FATHER’S FOOTSTEPS
Thomas Park was only a boy when his father, Mungo Park, disappeared. Young Thomas refused to accept that his father was dead, believing instead that he must have been taken prisoner. In 1827 he led a rescue expedition from the coast of Guinea. He had traveled only a few days inland when he came down with a fever and died. As for Mungo Park, no trace of him—clothing, personal effects, skeletal remains—was ever found.
COCONUCTOPUS
A strange defense mechanism of the octopus is to wrap six of its legs around its body so it resembles a coconut. Then it uses its other two legs to slowly walk backward, out of danger.
More than 50% of the world’s population owns a mobile phone.
GOVERN-MENTAL
Politicians do the strangest things .
S ENDING A MESSAGE—GODFATHER STYLE
Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell was trying to convince lawmakers in 2010 to vote for his proposed natural gas extraction tax. When Rep. Tim Solobay, a fellow Democrat, said he was against the tax, Rendell purchased a Tim Solobay bobble-head doll, removed the head, placed it inside a small box along with a note that urged Solobay’s support, and sent it to the Representative’s office. Solobay got the message—and the joke—and promised to reconsider his position. He also said the gesture was a “big hit” among Democrats. Pennsylvania Republicans, however, were less amused. A spokesman for House Minority Leader Rep. Sam Smith said, “Personally I don’t see the humor in sending any sort of head to anyone. I think it is kind of sickening.”
BUT NOT A DROP TO DRINK
In 2003 officials in Hudson, New York, were ordered by the Americans with Disabilities Act to install handicapped-accessible water fountains in the county courthouse. Five years later, they finally got around to installing just one of the fountains…the one on the second floor. And there’s no elevator in the building. County Public Works Commissioner David Robinson defended the inaccessible handicap-accessible water fountain, saying it’s easier for people who have trouble bending (which makes no sense—the new water fountain is actually several inches shorter than the one on the first floor). Robinson pledged
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